More humour

Barry the Sprout · 11-14-2001, 12:07 PM

This is an article from my University student paper, the Beaver. It is called Nelson's Column and regularly comes up with the weirdest of stuff. This week it is on the war so please look away now if you are easily offended by this kind of stuff:

----------------------
It can barely have escaped your notice that there is a war going on. Two nations locked in a titanic struggle to gain the upper hand, neither giving an inch, exchainging blows like Rocky and Apollo, except fists have been replaced with big bombs, and Apollo is a beard wearing fanatic.

Most, if not all, of you will have been sitting at home wondering what the hell you can do to help Blighty and our closest pals from across the pond, the USA, defeat the greatest threat to Western ideals of freedom, democracy, and cheap snack products. Maybe nothing you'll have been thinking... until now.

I as a cleanly shaven Christian am launching a campaign with the full backing of the Beaver to help support the American military effort both financially and with the warmth of freedom in our hearts. Many see the American war machine as amply funded. The sad truth is that they barely have enough money to protect their country from ballistic attacks using a satelite based laser sniper system. Rich they ain't. Currently the so-called "smart" bombs the US uses have an average IQ of 94, that if a janitor, or Benny from Crossroads. They're smart enough to find the right direction and the right country but sadly when asked to cope with complicated directions such as "left, then right and straight on past the Chinese embassy." they become easily confused and lost.

With a monthly donation of £5 we can raise the IQ of each bomb to 120. They'll be able to read maps, identify youth hostels and spireless churches, and even cope with simple arithmetic. Right now a generation of innocent Afghans are dying. With your help we can make it two or even three and leave a scar on the nation for decades to come. I know it sounds like a dream but with your help we can make it happen.

The Americans have been criticised for repeatedly bombing the Red Cross, but we just have to trust them. They obviously know something about the Red Cross that we don't, and be honest, who hasn't at least once suspected the Red Cross of something dodgy. Every time theres a war the Red Cross seem to be around looking shifty. Maybe a bomb or two would keep those ****ers on there toes.

Maybe some of you think I'm being jingoistic, but during wars we call people like you traitors and put you in front of firing squads. That's not a threat... just a fact. And I know I'm not alone in thinking George W can lead us through these difficult times with a combination of wit, political flair, and some good old fashioned Texan grit. He just never backs down when he's made his mind up. If he says your gonna fry Osama then all I can say is you'd better cover yourself in batter and get ready.

This isn't a case of revenge... no, rather it is an effort to safegaurd our future from cowardly highjackers. And if we have to do this from 800 miles away then so be it. That isn't cowardly 'cos they started it. And remember people, if the Americans can put a junta into power they can sure as dammit take one out.

-----------------------------
Sorry if that does offend people. If you want me to I will delete it. Also I should point out that most of the paper's articles were pro war, but they weren't all that funny.

Neb · 11-14-2001, 12:12 PM

ROFL Barry! Good one! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Barry the Sprout · 11-15-2001, 01:04 PM

Why thank you Neb. Wish to God i knew who wrote it though. He must be around here somewhere...

Ryanamur · 11-15-2001, 01:27 PM

ROTFLMAO, nothing like a sarcastic joke [img]smile.gif[/img] I love them [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

250 · 11-15-2001, 01:30 PM

omg... fabulous

Ronn_Bman · 11-15-2001, 05:01 PM

I always thought there was something a little "unusual" with the Red Cross [img]smile.gif[/img]

Skunk · 11-17-2001, 12:24 AM

Anagrams of "Osma Bin Laden" include:

Banal demon sin
Bold insane man
Blend on manias
No! damnable sin
Snob and menial
Bad Lenin moans
An idle snob man
Banned on mails (could he be behind those anthrax letters after all?)

And finally, did you know that 'George Bush' is actually an anagram of:
"He bugs Gore"

[img]smile.gif[/img] Now everything is becoming much clearer...

Neb · 11-17-2001, 01:13 AM

Seems as though making fun of Bin Laden is spreading everywhere:

http://www.killfrog.com/01/usa1.html

11-14-2001, 12:07 PM	#1
Barry the Sprout White Dragon Join Date: October 19, 2001 Location: York, UK. Age: 42 Posts: 1,815	This is an article from my University student paper, the Beaver. It is called Nelson's Column and regularly comes up with the weirdest of stuff. This week it is on the war so please look away now if you are easily offended by this kind of stuff: ---------------------- It can barely have escaped your notice that there is a war going on. Two nations locked in a titanic struggle to gain the upper hand, neither giving an inch, exchainging blows like Rocky and Apollo, except fists have been replaced with big bombs, and Apollo is a beard wearing fanatic. Most, if not all, of you will have been sitting at home wondering what the hell you can do to help Blighty and our closest pals from across the pond, the USA, defeat the greatest threat to Western ideals of freedom, democracy, and cheap snack products. Maybe nothing you'll have been thinking... until now. I as a cleanly shaven Christian am launching a campaign with the full backing of the Beaver to help support the American military effort both financially and with the warmth of freedom in our hearts. Many see the American war machine as amply funded. The sad truth is that they barely have enough money to protect their country from ballistic attacks using a satelite based laser sniper system. Rich they ain't. Currently the so-called "smart" bombs the US uses have an average IQ of 94, that if a janitor, or Benny from Crossroads. They're smart enough to find the right direction and the right country but sadly when asked to cope with complicated directions such as "left, then right and straight on past the Chinese embassy." they become easily confused and lost. With a monthly donation of £5 we can raise the IQ of each bomb to 120. They'll be able to read maps, identify youth hostels and spireless churches, and even cope with simple arithmetic. Right now a generation of innocent Afghans are dying. With your help we can make it two or even three and leave a scar on the nation for decades to come. I know it sounds like a dream but with your help we can make it happen. The Americans have been criticised for repeatedly bombing the Red Cross, but we just have to trust them. They obviously know something about the Red Cross that we don't, and be honest, who hasn't at least once suspected the Red Cross of something dodgy. Every time theres a war the Red Cross seem to be around looking shifty. Maybe a bomb or two would keep those ****ers on there toes. Maybe some of you think I'm being jingoistic, but during wars we call people like you traitors and put you in front of firing squads. That's not a threat... just a fact. And I know I'm not alone in thinking George W can lead us through these difficult times with a combination of wit, political flair, and some good old fashioned Texan grit. He just never backs down when he's made his mind up. If he says your gonna fry Osama then all I can say is you'd better cover yourself in batter and get ready. This isn't a case of revenge... no, rather it is an effort to safegaurd our future from cowardly highjackers. And if we have to do this from 800 miles away then so be it. That isn't cowardly 'cos they started it. And remember people, if the Americans can put a junta into power they can sure as dammit take one out. ----------------------------- Sorry if that does offend people. If you want me to I will delete it. Also I should point out that most of the paper's articles were pro war, but they weren't all that funny. __________________ [img]\"http://img1.ranchoweb.com/images/sproutman/certwist.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br /><br /><i>\"And the angels all pallid and wan,<br />Uprising, unveiling, affirm,<br />That the play is the tragedy, man,<br />And its hero the Conquerer Worm.\"</i><br /> - Edgar Allan Poe

11-15-2001, 01:27 PM	#4
Ryanamur Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Montréal, Canada Age: 50 Posts: 1,763	ROTFLMAO, nothing like a sarcastic joke [img]smile.gif[/img] I love them [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ An idiot will only play Russian roulette with an automatic pistol! Thank God they only do it once! <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Smile]\" src=\"smile.gif\" />

11-15-2001, 05:01 PM	#6
Ronn_Bman Zartan Join Date: March 11, 2001 Location: North Carolina USA Age: 58 Posts: 5,177	I always thought there was something a little "unusual" with the Red Cross [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"http://home.carolina.rr.com/orthanc/pics/Spinning%20Hammer%20Sig%20Pic.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

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11-14-2001, 12:12 PM	#2
Neb Account deleted by Request Join Date: May 17, 2001 Location: . Age: 39 Posts: 8,802	ROFL Barry! Good one! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

11-15-2001, 01:04 PM	#3
Barry the Sprout White Dragon Join Date: October 19, 2001 Location: York, UK. Age: 42 Posts: 1,815	Why thank you Neb. Wish to God i knew who wrote it though. He must be around here somewhere...

11-15-2001, 01:30 PM	#5
250 Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: either CA or MO Age: 43 Posts: 2,674	omg... fabulous

11-17-2001, 12:24 AM	#7
Skunk Banned User Join Date: September 3, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 63 Posts: 1,463	Anagrams of "Osma Bin Laden" include: Banal demon sin Bold insane man Blend on manias No! damnable sin Snob and menial Bad Lenin moans An idle snob man Banned on mails (could he be behind those anthrax letters after all?) And finally, did you know that 'George Bush' is actually an anagram of: "He bugs Gore" [img]smile.gif[/img] Now everything is becoming much clearer...

11-17-2001, 01:13 AM	#8
Neb Account deleted by Request Join Date: May 17, 2001 Location: . Age: 39 Posts: 8,802	Seems as though making fun of Bin Laden is spreading everywhere: http://www.killfrog.com/01/usa1.html

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