Ethics?

Yorick · 05-18-2001, 01:40 PM

Would you tell a friend if their partner had cheated?

Would you base your judgement on whether to tell them or not, on your own values on Ignorant happiness/Knowledgable sorrow, or on theirs?

Would you regard it as interfereing? Would they?

------------------
I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

Ryanamur · 05-18-2001, 01:54 PM

None of my business. So no, I wouldn't.

Moiraine · 05-18-2001, 02:10 PM

No, I wouldn't. In fact, it happened once, and I didn't. Because I believe I shouldn't interfere into other people's life without being specifically asked for, because it would be cheating on the trust of the friend who had told me he/she was cheating in his/her partner, and because I couldn't possibly know the whole context, so it could have disastrous consequences.

------------------

The world is my oyster !
And now I have the knives to open it ...

Reeka · 05-18-2001, 04:01 PM

I don't think I would. This is why. No one really knows what goes on in a marriage but the two people in the marriage. You may think you do, but you don't. I cannot know a person's experience because I have not walked in that person's shoes. There is no way that I could see the whole picture. I could tell my friend and he/she may already know, not want to know, not be in an emotional state to take it, etc. I would be taking alot on myself in deciding what was best for my friend. I think that most the time people know if they want to. The best thing that I could do for my friend would be to be there when he/she finds out and be a support at that time. Otherwise, I might be pushing he/she into dealing too soon with a situation he/she is not ready to.

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O_H_F

John D Harris · 05-18-2001, 04:57 PM

It would depend on the circumstances ie; If I was out at a restaruant and saw the offending party (for lack of a better term) with their cheatie, I would acknowledge them, walk up and say hello, talk to them, introducte myself to the cheatie(if I didn't know them) then leave it up to the offending party to spill the beans.
If ask by the offended party if I had knowledge, I'd tell them that they needed to talk to the offending party. If for some unforseen circumstances the offended could not talk to the offending, I'd then ask the offended are they sure they really want to know? Some things are best unknown, if the offended still prosisted then I would tell them and let the chips fall where they may. I'll not lie, cheat, or steal for anybody, not that I'm perfect but that is my goal no-matter how unattainable it is for mere mortals.

------------------

"the memories of a man in his old age,
are deeds of a man in his prime"

DJG · 05-19-2001, 04:18 PM

Yeah, well, I have had a great mix up problem.......

Rebecca (Lovely Girl) was going out with my best friend then she started hugging me behind Dav's back then she dumped Dave and went out with Shane and hugged me behind Shane's back then dumped Shane tried to go out with Luke he said no and now she carries on hugging me even though she wont go out with me although the fact that she is hugging me means really she is going out with me but she says technically she is not!!!!

Get it???

------------------

Visit Now or Starstryke will Stryke U!

Moiraine · 05-19-2001, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DJG:
Yeah, well, I have had a great mix up problem.......

Rebecca (Lovely Girl) was going out with my best friend then she started hugging me behind Dav's back then she dumped Dave and went out with Shane and hugged me behind Shane's back then dumped Shane tried to go out with Luke he said no and now she carries on hugging me even though she wont go out with me although the fact that she is hugging me means really she is going out with me but she says technically she is not!!!!

Get it???

DJG, seems to me that to Rebecca you are definitely friend material - better get used to it ...

------------------

The world is my oyster !
And now I have the knives to open it ...

bilqis · 05-19-2001, 04:43 PM

Actually, I did see one of my best friend's husband out with a woman who he was obviously 'involved' with. Did I tell her? No. Will I tell her? Only if she asks me. I can't lie if asked a direct question.. tho I have been known to refuse to answer.

I agree with Reeka... you don't really know what's going on in a relationship from the outside. I won't interfere unless she really wants to know. I won't drop hints either.

------------------

Sometimes I think I
understand everything,
then I regain consciousness.

Happy Member of Fast Fourward.

DJG · 05-19-2001, 04:45 PM

That thought exites me Moiraine!

He he he he he he he he!

This takes no getting used to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE REBECCA!

------------------

Visit Now or Starstryke will Stryke U!

[This message has been edited by DJG (edited 05-19-2001).]

Fljotsdale · 05-19-2001, 09:35 PM

This is a difficult question. 'Specially for me, 'cos I have been 'the other woman', even though the relationship never became physical, due to the fact that both of us had/have strong moral beliefs. But we loved each other deeply.

I was separated from my husband, but he was married to a very good woman; a very good wife - but for one thing: she had little or no interest in sex.
I liked his wife. We were friends. She knew we loved each other. But she made no effort at all, that I ever saw, to intervene. I kept wanting to tell her that she needed to be more giving sexually, and everything would be ok for her and him and that he would soon lose interest in me if she was more interested in him - but I lacked the courage.

The main reason most of us fail to tell people things they need to know is lack of courage (IMO), rather than anything else.

------------------
Smile! Life is too short for bitching

Fljotsdale

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05-18-2001, 01:40 PM	#1
Yorick Very Mad Bird Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Breukelen (over the river from New Amsterdam) Age: 53 Posts: 9,246	Would you tell a friend if their partner had cheated? Would you base your judgement on whether to tell them or not, on your own values on Ignorant happiness/Knowledgable sorrow, or on theirs? Would you regard it as interfereing? Would they? ------------------ I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on.... A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

05-18-2001, 01:54 PM	#2
Ryanamur Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Montréal, Canada Age: 50 Posts: 1,763	None of my business. So no, I wouldn't.

05-18-2001, 02:10 PM	#3
Moiraine Anubis Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Up in the Freedomland Alps Age: 61 Posts: 2,474	No, I wouldn't. In fact, it happened once, and I didn't. Because I believe I shouldn't interfere into other people's life without being specifically asked for, because it would be cheating on the trust of the friend who had told me he/she was cheating in his/her partner, and because I couldn't possibly know the whole context, so it could have disastrous consequences. ------------------ The world is my oyster ! And now I have the knives to open it ...

05-18-2001, 04:01 PM	#4
Reeka Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA Age: 71 Posts: 3,255	I don't think I would. This is why. No one really knows what goes on in a marriage but the two people in the marriage. You may think you do, but you don't. I cannot know a person's experience because I have not walked in that person's shoes. There is no way that I could see the whole picture. I could tell my friend and he/she may already know, not want to know, not be in an emotional state to take it, etc. I would be taking alot on myself in deciding what was best for my friend. I think that most the time people know if they want to. The best thing that I could do for my friend would be to be there when he/she finds out and be a support at that time. Otherwise, I might be pushing he/she into dealing too soon with a situation he/she is not ready to. ------------------ O_H_F

05-18-2001, 04:57 PM	#5
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 63 Posts: 3,577	It would depend on the circumstances ie; If I was out at a restaruant and saw the offending party (for lack of a better term) with their cheatie, I would acknowledge them, walk up and say hello, talk to them, introducte myself to the cheatie(if I didn't know them) then leave it up to the offending party to spill the beans. If ask by the offended party if I had knowledge, I'd tell them that they needed to talk to the offending party. If for some unforseen circumstances the offended could not talk to the offending, I'd then ask the offended are they sure they really want to know? Some things are best unknown, if the offended still prosisted then I would tell them and let the chips fall where they may. I'll not lie, cheat, or steal for anybody, not that I'm perfect but that is my goal no-matter how unattainable it is for mere mortals. ------------------ "the memories of a man in his old age, are deeds of a man in his prime"

05-19-2001, 04:18 PM	#6
DJG Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 16, 2001 Location: Manchester, England Age: 36 Posts: 1,109	Yeah, well, I have had a great mix up problem....... Rebecca (Lovely Girl) was going out with my best friend then she started hugging me behind Dav's back then she dumped Dave and went out with Shane and hugged me behind Shane's back then dumped Shane tried to go out with Luke he said no and now she carries on hugging me even though she wont go out with me although the fact that she is hugging me means really she is going out with me but she says technically she is not!!!! Get it??? ------------------ Visit Now or Starstryke will Stryke U!

05-19-2001, 04:43 PM	#8
bilqis Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 68 Posts: 1,328	Actually, I did see one of my best friend's husband out with a woman who he was obviously 'involved' with. Did I tell her? No. Will I tell her? Only if she asks me. I can't lie if asked a direct question.. tho I have been known to refuse to answer. I agree with Reeka... you don't really know what's going on in a relationship from the outside. I won't interfere unless she really wants to know. I won't drop hints either. ------------------ Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. Happy Member of Fast Fourward.

05-19-2001, 04:45 PM	#9
DJG Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 16, 2001 Location: Manchester, England Age: 36 Posts: 1,109	That thought exites me Moiraine! He he he he he he he he! This takes no getting used to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE REBECCA! ------------------ Visit Now or Starstryke will Stryke U! [This message has been edited by DJG (edited 05-19-2001).]

05-19-2001, 09:35 PM	#10
Fljotsdale Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England Age: 88 Posts: 2,859	This is a difficult question. 'Specially for me, 'cos I have been 'the other woman', even though the relationship never became physical, due to the fact that both of us had/have strong moral beliefs. But we loved each other deeply. I was separated from my husband, but he was married to a very good woman; a very good wife - but for one thing: she had little or no interest in sex. I liked his wife. We were friends. She knew we loved each other. But she made no effort at all, that I ever saw, to intervene. I kept wanting to tell her that she needed to be more giving sexually, and everything would be ok for her and him and that he would soon lose interest in me if she was more interested in him - but I lacked the courage. The main reason most of us fail to tell people things they need to know is lack of courage (IMO), rather than anything else. ------------------ Smile! Life is too short for bitching Fljotsdale

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