A choice?

[Animal]

Do you speak what's on your mind, or don't you?

If what you have to say will upset people, is it better just to keep your mouth shut?

[Felix The Assassin]

Originally posted by Animal: Do you speak what's on your mind, or don't you? If what you have to say will upset people, is it better just to keep your mouth shut?

1. Yes.
2. Sometimes the truth hurts.

I cannot stand it when somebody starts stammering about, unsure what/how etc to say something. Either say it, or get the heck out of the room.

[johnny]

Depends on the situation Animal. I was tempted to say 'always say what's on your mind', but sometimes it's better to listen and watch first, before doing or saying anything. Acting on impulse has brought me in deep shit often enough. Among friends you should be able to say what's on your mind, any other situation requires a different approach, just for the sake of peace.

[Ladyzekke]

I agree with Johnny, is no problem if done among friends.

[Cloudbringer]

Depends on the situation and who you're with, but like Johnny and LadyZ said, it's usually ok with friends. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Jorath Calar]

As always, is johnny the voice of alcohol-induced reason...

[img]smile.gif[/img]

[Harkoliar]

yep.. what johnny said [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Aerich]

I try to speak what's on my mind, but tactfully. I know I can be enormously abrasive at times, so I've developed the habit of rephrasing things in my mind before I say them.

If what you have to say will upset people, weigh it on balance: will it upset you more to hold it in than it will upset other people if you say it?

Also, if you think it needs to be said, say it. Just be prepared for consequences.

[Aelia Jusa]

I'm not a fan of saying whatever I'm thinking unless specifically asked, and I can phrase it in a way that isn't going to hurt people's feelings. You hear a lot of people on reality TV shows saying that they are 'honest - I say what I think!' or they 'tell it like it is - I'm a straight-shooter'. What piffle. What they're doing is using their 'honesty' as an excuse to say whatever bilious hateful comments they think of while simultaneously getting more airtime and avoiding negative consequences because hey! They were just being honest!

Giving an opinion that is rude or cruel or insulting when you haven't been asked to share your thoughts isn't being honest, it's being nasty. And not giving said rude opinion when you haven't been asked isn't lying. If you are asked, there are ways of being tactful without lying as well. If someone got a new haircut that you hated and they asked what you thought you could say 'it's hideous, it makes you look 20 years older', or you could say 'it's good to have a change, but I do think you always looked great with long hair'. The latter is good because the person will probably realise you don't like it, but it gives them an out so they can say something like 'yeah, I liked it long too, but I wanted something a bit more sophisticated'. The former only gives them an out to cry.

It's also true that being honest doesn't necessarily mean you're telling the objective truth - you're more likely giving your subjective opinion that is true how you see it but not necessarily how other people see it. So telling it like 'it is' is often not how 'it is' at all, but how you perceive 'it is' - so it might be not only needlessly nasty, but also inaccurate as well.

[Cloudbringer]

If it's not an 'opinion' you mean but news or events or something that's going on that you think might upset the other party, then it all comes down to how much you think the other party would care if they found out now, later or not at all.

Tough call but if you're talking about family/friends or someone then I think most times they need to hear about it, even if it's tough to handle or upsets them. Again, it's dependent on the situation and the people in most cases.