D&D Humour

[shadowhound]

Clerics and their Weapons

Brother Drewfius and Brother Tyronius got into an argument over a difference in theological interpretation. They had never gotten along, and within a few minutes the argument had turned into a fight. They started out exchanging punches but soon they each had a weapon in hand. Just then, Brother Francis comes into the room and says "Brothers, stop this at once; this fight is pointless."

"It better be," said Tyronius, "We're both Clerics."

A Monk and a Leap of Faith

The Grandmaster of Flowers, Grandfather of Assassins, His Holy General Priest of Tyr , and the King of Corymr were talking. They ended up in an argument about whose followers were the toughest and most obedient. They all decided to find the best of their best and hold a tournament to see whos was most loyal. Each of the four tried and tested their followers to see who was the most powerful and most loyal.

At last they were all ready to compete. They met at the edge of a cliff. At the bottom of the 50' drop was a lake and in the lake were poisonous snakes, piranhas, and a dragon turtle. The only way out was to swim 200 yards across the lake, onto an island. The island was covered with lizard men and trolls. After passing through them, the followers would then have to enter a cave that led through a red dragons lair and would finally allow them to exit back near where they started.

Looking at his Royal Knight, the King of Cormyr said "Sir Knight, for the honor and glory of the kingdom I want you to cross that lake, and return here through the cave." Looking over the scene, the knight replied "I am sorry my lord, but that is sure death. I cannot do it." Smiling, the Priest of Tyr turned to his paladin and said "You are the might of Tyr, most loyal and trust worthy follower. You know the task, accomplish it and receive the blessing of our Patron." Shaking his head slowly, the Paladin replied "I cannot do what you ask.
The same thing happened when the Grandfather of assassins tried to send his man over the cliff. The Grandmaster of Flowers turned to his follower and said simply "Do it." Without so much as batting an eye, the Monk dove off the
cliff and into the water. In a flash he was across the lake and entering the jungles on the island. As the group waited inanticipation, the heard a distant roar and flames came licking out the end of the cave. Shortly there after the brave young monk came running out, burned, battered and bleeding, but alive.
The Grandfather ran over and hugged the young monk. "Son" he said, "Truly you are the pride of all of the monastery. Ask for anything, anything at all and it is yours."

"All I want" he replied, "is to find out who the son-of-a-b***h was that pushed me...."

Fishin'

A priest, a paladin and a thief are on a boat on a lake fishing. The priest gets up and says, "Excuse me, I have to go relieve myself" and procedes to walk across the water to the woods, and comes back to the boat. A little while later the paladin says, "I, too, need to relieve myself" and proceeds to walk across the water to the woods and back. Still later, the thief says, "Well, I guess it's my turn." He gets out of the boat and sinks to the bottom of the lake. The priest turns to the Paladin and says, "Do you think we should have shown them where the ricks are?"

These were taken from www.planetadnd.com

[shadowhound]

[Calaethis Dragonsbane]

heheh. Most amusing.

[Xen]

LOL! ROFL!

[Reeka]

Those are so funny. Did they all come from the same place?

[Bozos of Bones]

ROTFLMAO(rolling on the floor laughing my a*s off)!
COOL!

[Zuvio]

Intelligent humor is just plain awesome [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Keep it coming yo!

[shadowhound]

Originally posted by Reeka: Those are so funny. Did they all come from the same place?

All the jokes cames from www.planetadnd.com while the pictures came from www.nodwick.com

[Kakero]

lol, can really crack you up.

[shadowhound]

A few stories for you

Magical Explosions

One of my first PCs was a 1st edition Bard (4th Bard). He acquired a magical 2-handed sword. Having a restriction to that type of weapon, he decided to try to snap the blade off to make it a bastard sword.

After several passed Bend Bars checks, he managed to break off the blade... The resulting explosion blew off his right arm (now called Stumpy the Bard). This resulted in a very bad wound, and a permanent -2 To Hit (off balance due to the missing limb). this -2 To hit later caused his death when going against the owner of the 2-handed sword, a very powerful Lich.

How not to Pass Away the Time

This happened to one of my slower witted associates. Through a strange series of events this fighter had become trapped in a jar. Naturally there's not many things to do to pass the time in a glass container so he decided to go through his inventory. He had found a sword earlier and was wondering if it was magical, so he tested it........ on himself. It was just a little cut, but it was a VERY good sword. He was quickly drained of all blood, and now some one is in possession of an undead skeleton in a jar.

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