Needing to vent a little!!!

[Black Knight]

This may just be me, but it depends on the situation - if she broke up with you and wanted to try to stay friends, would you do what she is asking for someone who was just friends? If not, then...

OR if she broke up with you and said that she wanted a clean break ... I say remind of it and that you can't get the closure with her calling you all the time.

Personally, I think it is very very hard to go from being ... shall we say...'Close' to someone and then go back to being just friends. Doesn't work for me, personally, but hey, it's your situation and your call. Just remember, you have our support either way.

BK

[Cerek the Barbaric]

Sir Tainly,

I don't know you very well, but I feel your pain brother. I've only had 2 major relationships and I went through a period very similar to the one that you describe (BTW, the SECOND one is still going ).

I ended up being the "just in case" backup guy that Cloudy mentioned. My ex-girlfriend even went so far as to call me at home one Saturday night because her new boyfriend was late for their date and asked me to take her to dinner. When we got done, she told me to drive by the place she and "buddyboy" were supposed to meet. He came pulling in as we drove by - guess what happened....YEP, she jumped out of my car and into his without so much as a "Thanks for Dinner".

WHAT A LUMMOX I WAS!!!! I knew she had been using me and I had been letting her, but to be THAT disrespectful ended it for me. I packed up everything I had from her and put on my front porch...then called her to come get it.

I don't know the full situation, but it certainly sounds like you're just being kept around for a conveniance.

Here's my advice (for what it's worth). Tell her to stop calling and asking for favors. Tell her that - if she wants to still be your friend - that is fine, but YOU need some time before you can do that. IF she truly wants to stay friends, she will respect your wishes. IF she doesn't, then it's better to have a clean break and not see or be around one another.

AND, if she really IS interested in "rekindling the flame"...let her chase after you for a little while.

I can't say I know exactly how you feel...obviously I don't. But I do understand your pain. Breaking contact can be very, very hard - but it will lead to closure (one way or another) much more quickly.

Hang in there, Sir T, we'll be here for you if you need us.

[ 05-01-2002, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]

[Avatar]

Originally posted by MILAMBER: Forget about her. Welcome to the single life!! Now you can go drinking with your boys whenever you want, you can just up and decide to go on a road trip, you will save TONS of money by not spending on her... There are a million reasons. Enjoy Bachelordom for awhile, then when you're ready, get back on the dating scene again. Hope you feel better!

But some of us like me are getting on a bit if u know what i mean... u know and just need to settle down.. bake some bread and have a stable life....

[mistral4543]

Sorry to hear that, Sir Tainly

I'm lucky that I haven't been in the situation where I was a "on-standby" friend to hang around with. In fact, I have been in 2 relationships which I felt were going nowhere, so I initiated both breakups. I sometimes felt that I'd like to get back to being friends with the guys concerned, but decided against it in the end. Because I didn't want them to get the wrong idea and I felt that it would be unfair to them somehow if I continued to "pester" them.

Anyway, I hope you will soon find some way of dealing with your circumstances. Take care [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 05-01-2002, 08:02 PM: Message edited by: mistral4543 ]

[Epona]

I've been thinking about this -

Have you made it clear to her you don't want her to call? Maybe she thinks you still want to be friends. If you don't want her to call or don't want/can't handle being friends you should tell her so. Otherwise it just leads to confusion. Bad situation all round really

[WOLFGIR]

Originally posted by MILAMBER: Forget about her. Welcome to the single life!! Now you can go drinking with your boys whenever you want, you can just up and decide to go on a road trip, you will save TONS of money by not spending on her... There are a million reasons. Enjoy Bachelordom for awhile, then when you're ready, get back on the dating scene again. Hope you feel better!

You wanna go out for a beer mate?? All my friends are sooo not single so unfortunately I drink less beer in this so called wonderous single life! (kidding, but not about the beer part LOL)

SirTainly, I know where you are comming from dude! No fun at all.. I had the same situation for some time and it is well a thing that will grind you down if you don´t look out.. Send her an etchascratch.. Easier then a puter and she can draw her own friggin cards on it!