WHERES MY MINOTAUR!!!

Therro · 05-09-2001, 09:03 PM

Hurry Rudedwag Hurry! I'm getting nervous with waiting! (well..not really, but

)

RudeDawg · 05-09-2001, 10:08 PM

Sorry, guys. Got busy in RL...

RudeDawg steps to the lecturn, and consults his notes...

The results of the "Siege Assault Test v1.1" are as follows:

Premise:
As we all know, military operations are varied. The simplest breakdown of martial arts is : Personal versus Group assault, ie man to man, or army to army. This test concentrates on tactics for Group Assault.

Tactics are a complex idea. Obviously, sending in a battalian of heavy cavalry against a small group of foot-soldiers will prove an easy victory, bui it is an expensive one. When an army must move over large distances, and lay siege to an encamped force, the wise commander will take into account the nature of supply lines, military movement, exhaustion, and force strength versus the army's cost (in both resources, and men). Therefore, it is important to find the best combination of resources to cause the maximum strategic damage, at the minimum cost to the army.

Our goal is to prove that the catapult launched "small warrior", in it's various forms, is an effective, and efficient alternative to the more traditional siege strategies.

The Experiment Setup:
The defender was behind a high wall surrounding the village. They had supplies (food and water) to last one week, and weapons for their guard force. Our research leader, RudeDawg, assured the experimenters that the village had vollunteered their help to further science. And they owed him money.

The first point in favor of the tactics is that the missles are already a part of the invading force. They are self-mobile, and can even carry supplies. The gnomes, henceforth referred to as "Exploding Missles of Doom", proved valuable as engineers. Dwarves, with their exceptional strength, are perfectly capable of manual labor. They could carry several times their weight, and are wonderful at digging tunnels beneath the enemy. They will be refered to "Ass-kicking Drunk Battle-Rangers" for our purposes. Halfling proved to be useless in the preparations, and will be called "Cannon Fodder, Expendable and Good Riddance".

For the experiment, one catapult was set up. The range was set for 75 yards, and the angle of fire was set for 30 degrees from horizontal. The catapult could easily throw stones weighing 200 pounds that distance.

The breakdown was simple. Drwarves, though short, are very compact and strong. They weigh nearly as much as humans, the average for a fully armed and armored BattleRager was 175 to 200 pounds. Gnomes are nearly as tall as dwarves, but have nowhere NEAR the muscle mass, or strength. Average gnomes weigh between 40 to 45 pounds, but when wearing metal armor, lose their mobility. For the experiment, they were given leather armor, short swords, and their experimental potions. We were able to launch 4 gnomes from the catapult. Halflings proved to be totally useless. The average weight of them was 30 to 35 pounds. We chose not to armor, or arm them, but we were able to beat them senseless and force-fit 7 of them into the catapult-cup. when doused in oil, and set afire, they prove to be a funy distraction when launched at the enemy.

Missle preparation was essential. The Dwarf was force-fed alcohol (We told him it was a drinking game) until he was nearly catatonic. We placed him in the catapult, and , as he was launched, we threw water in his face. He awoke in mid-air, and started his battle-cries while in flight. The damage to the enemy was massive.

The gnomes were easily lured into the catapult by placing turnips in it. After launch, a flaming arrows was shot at their packs, igniting the potions. After landing, the explosions were cool.

The halflings were shot into the air, and picked off by our own archers.

Results
This may not work in a real military situation, but it sure was funny.

RudeDawg leaves the podium. The floor is now open for questions.

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

onthepequod · 05-09-2001, 10:35 PM

LOL!

Nice!!

AzureWolf · 05-10-2001, 12:03 AM

hey!!!!!

WHERES MY MINOTAUR!!!

hehe j/k

------------------

"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

[This message has been edited by AzureWolf (edited 05-10-2001).]

RudeDawg · 05-10-2001, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AzureWolf:
hey!!!!!

WHERES MY MINOTAUR!!!

hehe j/k

Well, Azure, you can feel free to post about the dreaded "Minotaur Missle of Spearing"... Everyone needs to join in!

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil

onthepequod · 05-10-2001, 01:38 AM

In honor of Moni and CloudSparkle, the following tactic is being mentioned. It is due to the inspiration these two provided that we may enjoy the benefit of the following weapon. A weapon so devistating that it is sure to bring peace as long as it remains in the right hands.

However, a significant departure from mainstream Dwarf/Gnome/Halfing Throwing is necessary. This tactic requires two stout male Dwarves and one female Elf with big eyes, long lashes, and slightly pouty lips. That's right an elf. Neah, you say. Humph, you say. It can't be done, you say. Well allow me to ellucidate and then you be the judge.

All three are to be loaded into the catapult with the Dwarves on the bottom so as to make the Elf as comfortable as possible. The Dwarves must be completely bereft of any exposed body hair for they must pass the elf in the air in order to ensure a safe and soft landing (by whatever means necessary). Once the Elf has landed she must bat her eyelashes and push out a pouty lower lip. The outcome is inescapable. The enemy will fall all over themselves to do her bidding, even to the point of doing themselves harm

. The effect greatly exceeds that of mental domination. However, if this does not persuade you, the Elf can also show a little leg

, which will cause the enemy to spontaniously combust

. Anything more than a little leg would jeopardize the safety of the Elf (to heck with the Dwarves), since she may take shrapnel from the enemy outright exploding .

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-10-2001).]

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-10-2001).]

RudeDawg · 05-10-2001, 01:56 AM

LOLSFHCSARLMSFLBP ---> ( LAUGHING OUT LOUD SO FREAKING HARD COKE SPOOGED AROUND ROOM LIKE MONEY SHOT FROM LOW BUDGET PORNO )

onthepequod, that's some funny stuff.... Make sure they come read this...

LOL,

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil

Therro · 05-10-2001, 07:59 AM

Edit : Double post..my bad?

[This message has been edited by Therro (edited 05-10-2001).]

Therro · 05-10-2001, 08:03 AM

Hahaha..Rude and Onthep..you guys are SoOoO funny! Keep this stuff coming, you've already made me fall off my seat laughing a couple of times..lets go for a record! =/

AzureWolf · 05-10-2001, 08:17 AM

Well Im going off to start my own thread about my minatours!!
I prob wont get any replies but its the fact that I will stand up for the rights of the minority groups

Go minotaurs!

p.s anyone who feels like it reply on my minatour thread

------------------

"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

05-09-2001, 10:35 PM	#53
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	LOL! LOL! Nice!!

05-10-2001, 12:03 AM	#54
AzureWolf 20th Level Warrior Join Date: May 3, 2001 Location: . Age: 41 Posts: 2,762	hey!!!!! WHERES MY MINOTAUR!!! hehe j/k ------------------ "I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..." [This message has been edited by AzureWolf (edited 05-10-2001).]

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05-09-2001, 09:03 PM	#51
Therro Dungeon Master Join Date: April 28, 2001 Location: Newmarket, Canada Posts: 73	Hurry Rudedwag Hurry! I'm getting nervous with waiting! (well..not really, but )

05-09-2001, 10:08 PM	#52
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 56 Posts: 2,830	Sorry, guys. Got busy in RL... RudeDawg steps to the lecturn, and consults his notes... The results of the "Siege Assault Test v1.1" are as follows: Premise: As we all know, military operations are varied. The simplest breakdown of martial arts is : Personal versus Group assault, ie man to man, or army to army. This test concentrates on tactics for Group Assault. Tactics are a complex idea. Obviously, sending in a battalian of heavy cavalry against a small group of foot-soldiers will prove an easy victory, bui it is an expensive one. When an army must move over large distances, and lay siege to an encamped force, the wise commander will take into account the nature of supply lines, military movement, exhaustion, and force strength versus the army's cost (in both resources, and men). Therefore, it is important to find the best combination of resources to cause the maximum strategic damage, at the minimum cost to the army. Our goal is to prove that the catapult launched "small warrior", in it's various forms, is an effective, and efficient alternative to the more traditional siege strategies. The Experiment Setup: The defender was behind a high wall surrounding the village. They had supplies (food and water) to last one week, and weapons for their guard force. Our research leader, RudeDawg, assured the experimenters that the village had vollunteered their help to further science. And they owed him money. The first point in favor of the tactics is that the missles are already a part of the invading force. They are self-mobile, and can even carry supplies. The gnomes, henceforth referred to as "Exploding Missles of Doom", proved valuable as engineers. Dwarves, with their exceptional strength, are perfectly capable of manual labor. They could carry several times their weight, and are wonderful at digging tunnels beneath the enemy. They will be refered to "Ass-kicking Drunk Battle-Rangers" for our purposes. Halfling proved to be useless in the preparations, and will be called "Cannon Fodder, Expendable and Good Riddance". For the experiment, one catapult was set up. The range was set for 75 yards, and the angle of fire was set for 30 degrees from horizontal. The catapult could easily throw stones weighing 200 pounds that distance. The breakdown was simple. Drwarves, though short, are very compact and strong. They weigh nearly as much as humans, the average for a fully armed and armored BattleRager was 175 to 200 pounds. Gnomes are nearly as tall as dwarves, but have nowhere NEAR the muscle mass, or strength. Average gnomes weigh between 40 to 45 pounds, but when wearing metal armor, lose their mobility. For the experiment, they were given leather armor, short swords, and their experimental potions. We were able to launch 4 gnomes from the catapult. Halflings proved to be totally useless. The average weight of them was 30 to 35 pounds. We chose not to armor, or arm them, but we were able to beat them senseless and force-fit 7 of them into the catapult-cup. when doused in oil, and set afire, they prove to be a funy distraction when launched at the enemy. Missle preparation was essential. The Dwarf was force-fed alcohol (We told him it was a drinking game) until he was nearly catatonic. We placed him in the catapult, and , as he was launched, we threw water in his face. He awoke in mid-air, and started his battle-cries while in flight. The damage to the enemy was massive. The gnomes were easily lured into the catapult by placing turnips in it. After launch, a flaming arrows was shot at their packs, igniting the potions. After landing, the explosions were cool. The halflings were shot into the air, and picked off by our own archers. Results This may not work in a real military situation, but it sure was funny. RudeDawg leaves the podium. The floor is now open for questions. ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

05-10-2001, 01:38 AM	#56
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	In honor of Moni and CloudSparkle, the following tactic is being mentioned. It is due to the inspiration these two provided that we may enjoy the benefit of the following weapon. A weapon so devistating that it is sure to bring peace as long as it remains in the right hands. However, a significant departure from mainstream Dwarf/Gnome/Halfing Throwing is necessary. This tactic requires two stout male Dwarves and one female Elf with big eyes, long lashes, and slightly pouty lips. That's right an elf. Neah, you say. Humph, you say. It can't be done, you say. Well allow me to ellucidate and then you be the judge. All three are to be loaded into the catapult with the Dwarves on the bottom so as to make the Elf as comfortable as possible. The Dwarves must be completely bereft of any exposed body hair for they must pass the elf in the air in order to ensure a safe and soft landing (by whatever means necessary). Once the Elf has landed she must bat her eyelashes and push out a pouty lower lip. The outcome is inescapable. The enemy will fall all over themselves to do her bidding, even to the point of doing themselves harm . The effect greatly exceeds that of mental domination. However, if this does not persuade you, the Elf can also show a little leg , which will cause the enemy to spontaniously combust . Anything more than a little leg would jeopardize the safety of the Elf (to heck with the Dwarves), since she may take shrapnel from the enemy outright exploding . [This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-10-2001).] [This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-10-2001).]

05-10-2001, 01:56 AM	#57
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 56 Posts: 2,830	LOLSFHCSARLMSFLBP ---> ( LAUGHING OUT LOUD SO FREAKING HARD COKE SPOOGED AROUND ROOM LIKE MONEY SHOT FROM LOW BUDGET PORNO ) onthepequod, that's some funny stuff.... Make sure they come read this... LOL, ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil

05-10-2001, 07:59 AM	#58
Therro Dungeon Master Join Date: April 28, 2001 Location: Newmarket, Canada Posts: 73	Edit : Double post..my bad? [This message has been edited by Therro (edited 05-10-2001).]

05-10-2001, 08:03 AM	#59
Therro Dungeon Master Join Date: April 28, 2001 Location: Newmarket, Canada Posts: 73	Hahaha..Rude and Onthep..you guys are SoOoO funny! Keep this stuff coming, you've already made me fall off my seat laughing a couple of times..lets go for a record! =/

05-10-2001, 08:17 AM	#60
AzureWolf 20th Level Warrior Join Date: May 3, 2001 Location: . Age: 41 Posts: 2,762	Well Im going off to start my own thread about my minatours!! I prob wont get any replies but its the fact that I will stand up for the rights of the minority groups Go minotaurs! p.s anyone who feels like it reply on my minatour thread ------------------ "I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

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