Ethics?

[sageridder]

If I was sure then I would tell.I would expect a real friend to tell me.If it all came out and was shown you knew, what kind of a turd would you feel like?Lovers come and go a true friendship is something you can treasure forever.A true love goes beyond that because a true love starts it's basis in true friendship.How can you truely love a partner and not be true friends?

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Trust is indeed a shiny jewel,set in the stone of friendship.And much like any other stone can be use to crush the skulls of those unsuspecting.To clear the path for me to claim my rightfull place as master of all I survey.
..........O,_
......_.L.=\_:
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[This message has been edited by sageridder (edited 05-19-2001).]

[caleb]

Originally posted by DJG: Yeah, well, I have had a great mix up problem....... Rebecca (Lovely Girl) was going out with my best friend then she started hugging me behind Dav's back then she dumped Dave and went out with Shane and hugged me behind Shane's back then dumped Shane tried to go out with Luke he said no and now she carries on hugging me even though she wont go out with me although the fact that she is hugging me means really she is going out with me but she says technically she is not!!!! Get it???

AHHHHHH YOUR IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!!



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Welcome to hell.

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Fljotsdale: This is a difficult question. 'Specially for me, 'cos I have been 'the other woman', even though the relationship never became physical, due to the fact that both of us had/have strong moral beliefs. But we loved each other deeply. I was separated from my husband, but he was married to a very good woman; a very good wife - but for one thing: she had little or no interest in sex. I liked his wife. We were friends. She knew we loved each other. But she made no effort at all, that I ever saw, to intervene. I kept wanting to tell her that she needed to be more giving sexually, and everything would be ok for her and him and that he would soon lose interest in me if she was more interested in him - but I lacked the courage. The main reason most of us fail to tell people things they need to know is lack of courage (IMO), rather than anything else.

Wow. Very interesting Fjlotsdale.



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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Melusine]

Again, an interesting thread. I'm really pleased about the way this little section of the Board turned out.

Would I tell her? Well, non-theoretically speaking, I think my RL best friend would actually *want* me to tell her if I found out something like that. I think it's useful to talk about it at some time with your friends so you'll know in advance whether they would want to be told. Using your own deep knowledge of your best friend, I think you can make a pretty accurate judgement on their expectations of you with regard to this subject. But if we're talking about a hypothetical friend of whom I don't know for sure whether they want to know, then no, I wouldn't tell them. I *would* speak to the cheater and ask him to tell her, as it would leave me in a very precarious position. I understand why almost everybody says they wouldn't tell their friend, but you have to consider the fact that they might be very hurt when they find out you knew all along; not telling *does* mean you'll have to lie to your best friend!
Let's turn this question around: Would YOU like your best friend to tell you if your own partner was deceiving you? Would you even believe them?

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Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

[This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-20-2001).]

[catzenpewters]

That would indeed be a difficult position. However, I know my best friend extremely well (we've been friends since we were nine) and I'm sure she would want to know. In this day and age too, I think my friend would *need* to know. Who knows what lovely diseases the guy may bring home?

I realize that telling someone something like this could actually end the friendship. And while I would be devastated by the loss of our friendship, I would do it anyway because I have to do what's best for her and not me.

How could I not tell her? Imagine finding out YOUR best friend knew your spouse was cheating and never told you!

It would certainly have to be done calmly and cautiously. I would have to make sure I KNEW there was cheating involved - I would never wish to accuse unfairly.

[WOLFGIR]

Yorick, you are going to be the boards really tough-brain here

Hehe, well to the question..

I can´t honestly tell what I would do. I have been cheated and thus I hate cheating and would never do that (consciously, and talking with Yorick ther is no definately truth so to the best of my every effort I would never do so! ((man you get my brain to twist and turn!)).

But it depends so much on the situation, i would have to take it from there.. I don´t like cheating but I also don´t like to prodd into others lives.

Tough question and i can´t answer it. To much factors around that counts to much..

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Yawning lazywolf..

[Moiraine]

Originally posted by Fljotsdale: The main reason most of us fail to tell people things they need to know is lack of courage (IMO), rather than anything else.

Fljotsdale, I can't let you say that ! When I was younger, one of my faults was to be 'too honest', that is I would say what I thought to people, whatever the context. I learned that you have to pay attention to whether now is the good time to say something to someone, and if that someone is in the mood to receive what you have to say. If you say something to someone not receptive to hear it, he will just close his mind like an oyster.

I maintain, if I had a couple of friends and I learned that one of them was cheating on the other, I would NOT say anything to the one cheated upon, UNLESS I felt a real demand from him/her, but I WOULD repeatedly urge the cheater to make things clear to his/her partner.

I had such a couple of friends several years ago, the girl was the cheater and she told me so, I kept and kept telling her she had to choose between her two guys and she finally did.
She said that she had started cheating because he was spending too much time in bars drinking beer. He said that he spent time in bars because she came home later and later every evening. I will never know who started what, and more, I am pretty sure both were honest in their own memories.



Yorick, what prompted this poll ?


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The world is my oyster !
And now I have the knives to open it ...

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Moiraine: Fljotsdale, I can't let you say that ! When I was younger, one of my faults was to be 'too honest', that is I would say what I thought to people, whatever the context. Yorick, what prompted this poll ?

Yes but you're French Moiraine!

In answer to the question Moiraine, merely that most of us (except for Jerome ) prefer to know the truth even if it's painful, yet avoid telling another some painful truth. We aren't really treating a friend as we would want to be treated, or are we? This is a moral grey area and poses an interesting conundrum where right and wrong is blurred.

I was hit on a while ago by a friends wife. Totally took me by surprise and shocked me. I played dumb and pretended I didn't understand the line she was taking. I avoided telling my friend in case it was a momentary lapse of reason on her part. It's so long ago now it would be futile to bring it up as they are still together and seem happy. IMO It would only shame him. Besides, nothing happened, I didn't recipricate and she didn't hit on me again. (Mind you, I have made sure we haven't been alone together since. I'd only see her very very rarely anyway, like once every year or two anyhow.)

I'd prefer to know though. I had absolute faith in my ex-wife, and never once had any doubts she was faithful. There is nothing to indicate this was ever untrue, but I'd prefer to ever know if my trust was based on falsehood.

Mind you my wife can't lie to me. Even now I know what she's thinking without her even saying a word, so familiar am I with any subtle expressional change of hers.


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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[This message has been edited by Yorick (edited 05-22-2001).]

[WOLFGIR]

Well Yorick, to treat one as you want to be treated isn´t always the turn to take. Some people don´t want to be treated like yourself and thus you have to weigh in the others perspectivies and also how they usually are.

I have friends i would definately tell cause I know that even if it means our friendship would go to hell, he would wnat me to tell him and expects that from me, whereas other friends, I simply don´t know cause I don´t know their point of view at this..

I´m not sure people know my point of view or if they would tell me or not..

I base alot of my views of cheating espacially on my painful memories so I can only think and act for myself, but doing so I will adjust my words and actions to what I know or think i know about others..

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Yawning lazywolf..

Depends. If I'd known about my brother's fiancee and that American ***hole, I would have told him and we would have arranged an accident for him
.
Friends are another matter. I would approach the cheater, not the friend, and see if I could convince them to stop. The fact that I knew about it would hopefully put them off (especially if I suggested I was thinking of telling him/her)

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In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is pimp