Whats this forum coming to?

[John D Harris]

Originally posted by Ronn_Bman: The main problem in this forum is that everyone here thinks everyone else is the problem. We are all offensive from time to time, and some more than others, but of course, we are more understanding of our own indiscretions than the indiscretions of others. [img]smile.gif[/img]

You are correct Ronn, there is also the factor of thin skin sometimes, General statments by their very nature require there are execptions to them. Someone can make a statement about Red Necks from Alabama all they want if I'm not guilty of it, the statment doesn't bother me. An innocent man's pillow is his piece of mind. But this works both ways ,if sombody makes a general statment and it does bother me, I ask myself why? Is the statment true and hit home, or is it false and off the mark? If it is off the mark why should it bother me. We are each in control of our own lives, feeling and thoughts. Nobody can make you mad unless you let them.

[ 06-18-2004, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: John D Harris ]

[Memnoch]

Originally posted by Mouse: From my perspective, the rules in this little corner of IW are slightly different to the rest of the place. We expect a certain "robustness" of thought and expression and to some extent, the old saying about heat and kitchens comes into play However, along with the above, and the extra licence afforded to the participants here, we expect a fair degree of restraint, self control and even self-censorship. Hopefully, those who participate here can keep things civil, within the slightly looser application of our general standards of conduct, but rest assured, those who continually flout the rules will be noted and dealt with. The bottom line is you have been given this area to express considered opinions on serious topics and to learn from other's experiences and attitudes. If the majority cannot use this opportunity responsibly, then this forum will be removed. The ball is in your court.

Mouse pretty much said it all, not much more to add for me here. Suffice to say that our policies on this forum can be encapsulated in this sticky thread here which is at the top of this forum. We are relying very much on everyone's cooperation here to make this workable. It really irritates me when I see people here acting like children and being unable to get along when I KNOW this would not be the case if they were face to face with each other - their standards of courtesy drop just because they're communicating electronically. And John D's last sentence is worthy of highlighting:

"Nobody can make you mad unless you let them."

Everyone has a different debating style. Some like to preach from on high, others like to rebut others' statements, some are conciliatory and accepting of others' points of view...if you click here you will see yourselves and your fellow members here in some shape or form. The trick is in knowing when to take a step back and not get enraged at some comment someone said. If it's bad enough to report, we have a mechanism to address posts which violate our ToS. But the key is to not let such transgressions personally affect you. In other words, chill out, relax. The world won't come to an end because of what someone may have posted here. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[John D Harris]

Thanks Memnoch, I've gotten mad here and I can tell anybody exactly why, cause I was guilty of the same type of thing that made me mad. There's a whole lot of truth in the statement "get the log out your own eye before you try to get the speck out of your neighbor's eye."

[Illumina Drathiran'ar]

Why do you think I've cut back on making posts in this board? I'm a little fed up with it right now... Ah well.

And Memnoch, I love that site.. Sometimes, when I get irritated, I sit and wonder which members are which warriors. That's a great way to relieve stress, believe you me.

[Chewbacca]

My issue is not with the general tone, The CE forum is actually fairly mild compared to some other political/serious discussion forums I frequent.

My issue is with the specific topics in my OP.

I agree with self-moderation rather than having the admin and mods looking over our shoulders. It is the questionable behaviors repeating themselves over and over through time that has drawn my inquiry of opinion and request for clarity of whether or not these specific behaviors are out of bounds.

[Cerek the Barbaric]

Another thing to keep in mind is something a good friend told me - we generally come to these forums to RELIEVE the stress of our daily lives, not add to it. I personally find a good debate and discussion of an issue enjoyable - as long as everybody remains civil AND respectful of everybody else. I decided to leave C.E. for a couple of months because I found that I was getting angry more and more often at comments made here. I was even spending a good part of my day in r/l thinking about these same comments and how I was going to reply to them. Then I realized just how ABSURD it was to get so freakin' upset over something that was typed by somebody I don't even really know. I realized that I was NOT having fun on the forum anymore and that's when I left C.E. altogether.

I made a complete and total break - I didn't even browse or lurk in C.E. at all. When I came here, I kept strictly to the Books and Movies forum or (more recently) the BGII forum (which is what drew me here to begin with).

I also started visiting other forums and sticking to the more light-hearted topics at those places also. Pretty soon, I found that I ENJOYED visiting the forums again, and that's when I decided (after very long and careful thought) to return to C.E.

It didn't take long at all, though, for the old anger to come roaring back and I almost left just as quickly as I had returned. Then I realized that this was NOT the way I USED to post when topics like this were held in G.D. I was no longer "Cerek the Calmth", but more often "Cerek the Pretty P****D Off".

So I am making an effort to change that attitude. If a comment or post upsets me that bad now, I try to AVOID replying right away (although the temptation to jump right in and post a scathing reply is strong sometimes). Instead, try to wait until the end of the day or the beginning of the next day and see if I still feel so upset about the comments. Sometimes I do and I decide that I DO need to let the poster know how I feel about his/her remarks. But it IS possible to say that you don't like the comments made by someone else without being hateful or spiteful about it.

Anyway, the point is that, even if you strongly disagree with something said here, it is possible to state your disagreement WITHOUT adding any spite or vitriol of your own to it. Just state WHY you disagree in a calm and even manner and leave it at that.

[Cerek the Barbaric]

Originally posted by Melusine: I doubt I dubbed you that Cerek, considering the fact that I'm so anal about spelling and grammar. It's possible though I dubbed you Cerek the Calm.

{teehee} You didn't actually "dub" me Cerek the Calm. Instead you complimented me on my "reasonableness and calmth". It was actually Absynthe that caught the spelling error, but agreed that it described my attitude in discussing religious topics. The actual thread is here --> Satanism. Your post is down a bit on Page 2.

I'm sorry you feel that title no longer applies. Hopefully, I will be able to redeem myself and once again earn the title of Cerek the Calmth. In fact, I do hereby undertake the noble quest of once again earning the favor and respect of Lady Melusine in hopes of receiving that honored title from her again.

[Ziroc]

Chewbacca, Do not direct your accusations to the Mods and I. We police this forum as well as we can. You ALL need to look in the mirror and remember that words can hurt--both ways. Respect goes both ways too.


Chewbacca, I've seen you be very rude to some folks in this Forum at times as well--in heated threads. But I agree, this forum is getting out of control, and I'm VERY seriously thinking about deleting it permanently. Too many good people are being hurt.

God knows there are more than enough political forums out there to fill the void....

[Illumina Drathiran'ar]

Originally posted by Chewbacca: My issue is not with the general tone, The CE forum is actually fairly mild compared to some other political/serious discussion forums I frequent. My issue is with the specific topics in my OP.

Why do you think I requested my own thread be closed, and then promptly stopped posting in it? I didn't like where it was going... I guess that's all you can do sometimes, you know? If you don't like where a discussion is going, leave it alone and find another outlet.

[Chewbacca]

Accusations to the you and mods? Poppycock.

I asked if certain behaviors are againgst the rules or not and if so have they just been overlooked.


How is this making accusations Ziroc? And why snipe at me and alledged I am rude?

I am talking about gay-bashing and accusing people of supporting terrorists.
I want to know if this type of posting is ok or not because it occurs here.

[ 06-18-2004, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: Chewbacca ]