DWARVEN THROWERS, The Lost Art

[RudeDawg]

Originally posted by onthepequod: I personally was going for the explosive factor, hence the Dwarf w/beard (fuse). But you bring up an excelent point. I have heard that Gnomes have a deviated colon (sp?) which allows them to produce a FINE odor (similar to a well aged and long unrefrigerated block of head cheese). But alas this is not my area of expertise. Can anyone confirm this deviated colon rumor?

ROTFLMAO!!!!

Actually, the only thing I know of, is the "Turnip-Reflex factor" of gnomes. The vegetable is able to prduce an especially virulent form of methane, noxious to those unlucky enough to be in it's path.

The great thing is that it is made worse when drinking. This fit's the situation perfectly. Get the gnome drunk, spin him around to mix it up, and PRESTO !!!
Turnip Toxic Nerve Gas....

Now remember, with this type of missle, a healthy "spin" is important when you throw, so SNAP that wrist !!!!





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The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

[Grand-Ranger]

but wear forgetting Halflings!!

put 'em in a gaint sling shot with short swords straped on them they can fly like birds!! Far by the tiem the enemy approches you msot of em well ahve very litttle HPs

[onthepequod]

RudeDawg,

LOL!

Ah yes, roughage in the semi-blocked system of a Gnome. You are a devious one. Alchohol as a catalyst though? Do the volatiles mix violently with methane? I would think this would produce a "spontanious combustion factor." But the stink of it is I don't understand this sub-class of weapon as well as I would like.

[RudeDawg]

Aaaahhhh Grand-Ranger has a valid point

"Halflings, the Forgotten Secret Weapon"

And, the Ranger is using sling-shots and catapults...

He sounds like a master strategist to me...


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The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

[Grand-Ranger]

Why thank you Rudedawg,,but after all your the one that thought it up,,hmm i wonder if any of these tricks work on Firkraag or Kagnaxx?

All right who is flaming the Dwarves. Do you want me to sic my Dwarven Troll Slayer on you. And he will kill you because he thinks everyone is a Troll.

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[This message has been edited by BladeMaster (edited 05-09-2001).]

[RudeDawg]

Well, Grand-Ranger;
Not that dragon and demi-lich specifically...

but, there IS a forgotten text; which I must add HAS been verified as to it's authenticity, this text speaks of a battle. THE BATTLE. A battle of such proportions that the gods themselves shook. The heavens screamed, and the portals between time and space opened and unloosed their grief. Yes, a big fight... oh, sorry. I get carried away sometimes, when I've been drinking.

Anyways, the battle...

The mercenaries huddled in a crack splitting the cliff face. The mixed group of humans and demi-humans had been lied to. The "simple job" they were hired for was a ruse to lure them in to a trap. That was the biggest green dragon they had ever heard of.

"I think I heard somewhere, back in the tavern, that a guy knew a man who sold some stuff to this group who had heard of someone who read a book about a big green dragon. It's name was Ralph. Ralph the big green dragon."

The other mercenaries looked at Elmo. One of them smacked the gnome on his head.

Then, a booming voice roared. "Begone, mage! You will never wrestle the power from me!"

Quickly, a large fighter scooped up Elmo, and held him overhead. "What do you see?"

"Put me down!" He squealed. "They can see me!"

Once lowered, he went on. "It's a big green dragon. I think his name is Ralph. Ralph the big green... Ack !" He rubbed his head where they had smacked him. "And there is a wizard taking to him. It's like the talks I used to have with my mother-in-law. They don't look happy. My mother-in-law was like Ralph the big green... Ack!"

The booming voice had changed. It was still roaring, but now it was in Draconian, the tongue of the Dragons. The wizard answere in the same language.

"Anyone know what they are saying?" One of the elves asked.

Elmo answered, "The dragon said, 'My name is Ralph, the big green ...' Ack"

With a flash of light , the dragon lifted into the sky. The wizard had changed, and was could be seen of him, seemed like a floating skull. Magic energies crackled amid the two, and the winds began to howl.

"Yes, just like my mother-in-law. She makes that sound. Like this one time, she says 'Elmo, you talk a lot.' 'What ?' said I. 'Yes', she says. And then she... AAAARRRGGGHHHH"

The men stuffed the rag into Elmo's mouth, and set the fuse in the potion. Together, they hurled him towards the swirling fusion of energy.

As the men passed the bend in the mountain, the earth shook with the explosion. They went back to see, and the clif-face was empty.

A week later, as they sat in the tavern, they heard a voice. "Hey guys, thanks for throwing me away from Ralph, the big green dragon. But, you must have been confused, because I went right AT THEM!!! It was like this one time, waay back, when I was young...."

And so, ends the text.

Beware the power of a gnome in flight, alight.

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The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

[This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 05-09-2001).]

[This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 05-09-2001).]

[Grand-Ranger]

legendary story rudedawg,legendary..

and Blademaster,,,well i never said ANYTHING about dwarfs.. *looks back at Rudedawg,Therro and onthepequod hush you three*

Smiles at Blademaster

Just be careful or I will have to release "Kors Bloodaxe the Dwarven Troll Slayer" and wup your arse.

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[RudeDawg]

Originally posted by BladeMaster: Just be careful or I will have to release "Kors Bloodaxe the Dwarven Troll Slayer" and wup your arse.

hhhmmmm how aerodynamic is "Kors" ? How mush does he weigh? How long is his beard, and what kind of armor is he wearing? Does he use an axe or sword? Hold on, let me check my notes...


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The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil