The Captain and his First Officer

johnny · 12-02-2002, 12:07 PM

The Captain And The First Officer

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn't get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke.
He said, "I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?"
The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbour. That's why I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbour. That JAPANESE, not Chinese."
And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all alike."
Another 30 minutes of silence.
Finally the First Officer said, "No like Jew."
The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg ... no mattah ... all same."

Timber Loftis · 12-02-2002, 12:08 PM

Go get him Eisenschwarz! Chopper, sic balls!

12-02-2002, 06:45 PM

Ok this brings out all the bad things in me....giggle...snort....laff...guffaw funny

/)eathKiller · 12-02-2002, 07:29 PM

Now that's well deserved of that darn captain [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Hey that reminds me of the Samurai Joke

-------------------------

once there was a Japanese emperor who called upon the finest Samurai from 3 differint lands, one was from China, another from Okinawa, and one was a Jew.

The Chineese Samurai was the first to demonstrate his finely tuned skills, he stood before the emperor, and held out a box, he opened the box and released a fly from it, he then whipped out his sword and in a single movement 2 peices of fly slowly fell tot he ground...

The Japanese Okinawan samurai was next, he released a fly, hoping to better the one before him, And wint one slash made 4 peices of fly fall to the ground...

Finally the Jew walked up... He said "Oh yeah? You did that eh? You shmucks... Ain't seen nothin' yet!" he then opened his box and released the fly, he then WHIPPED his sword throught he air, and the fly kept buzzing around...

The emperor looked at the Jew displeased... and spoke "Why didn't you kill the fly?"

The Jew looked at the Emperor odly... and after a moment of silcnece replied, "What? You're telling me you've never seen a Circumsision before?"

SomeGuy · 12-02-2002, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by /)eathKiller:
Now that's well deserved of that darn captain [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Hey that reminds me of the Samurai Joke

-------------------------

once there was a Japanese emperor who called upon the finest Samurai from 3 differint lands, one was from China, another from Okinawa, and one was a Jew.

The Chineese Samurai was the first to demonstrate his finely tuned skills, he stood before the emperor, and held out a box, he opened the box and released a fly from it, he then whipped out his sword and in a single movement 2 peices of fly slowly fell tot he ground...

The Japanese Okinawan samurai was next, he released a fly, hoping to better the one before him, And wint one slash made 4 peices of fly fall to the ground...

Finally the Jew walked up... He said "Oh yeah? You did that eh? You shmucks... Ain't seen nothin' yet!" he then opened his box and released the fly, he then WHIPPED his sword throught he air, and the fly kept buzzing around...

The emperor looked at the Jew displeased... and spoke "Why didn't you kill the fly?"

The Jew looked at the Emperor odly... and after a moment of silcnece replied, "What? You're telling me you've never seen a Circumsision before?"

LOL!!! ROFL!!! That was a good one. Goldburg the wrestler was jewish?

Attalus · 12-02-2002, 08:09 PM

*Chortle, snicker, finally guffaw.* That was great.

antryg · 12-03-2002, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Timber Loftis:
Go get him Eisenschwarz! Chopper, sic balls!

I think I can handle this for him.
Once again Bush's insensitivity has allowed the CIA to formulate and spread hate filled words that will surely lead to starvation and warfare. If it weren't for the insidious influence of the Republican Party we would never see such an example of the NRA and George Bush conducting mind control experiments on innocent and sensitive people such as Johnny. This is clearly an expression of American warmongering upon the peace loving people of the Neatherlands.

Then again he might not say that.

johnny · 12-03-2002, 11:36 AM

I've found another good one, i think this is the apropriate place to post it.

Russian Emergency

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right onit,"said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one!"

antryg · 12-03-2002, 06:59 PM

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight
attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then
tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to
sit
it in the back.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston
and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the copilot that
there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy

and won't move back to her seat.

The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her
seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston
and I'm staying right here!"

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to

reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married

to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde, whispers
in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and she gets up and moves
back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said

to make her move without any fuss.

The pilot replies, "I told her First Class isn't going to Houston."

You deserve a joke of your own johnny!

johnny · 12-03-2002, 08:02 PM

Thanks Antryg, but i'm not blonde.

12-02-2002, 12:07 PM	#1
johnny 40th Level Warrior Join Date: April 15, 2002 Location: Utrecht The Netherlands Age: 59 Posts: 16,981	The Captain And The First Officer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn't get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?" The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbour. That's why I don't like Chinese." The First Officer said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbour. That JAPANESE, not Chinese." And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all alike." Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer said, "No like Jew." The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg ... no mattah ... all same." __________________

12-02-2002, 12:08 PM	#2
Timber Loftis 40th Level Warrior Join Date: July 11, 2002 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 11,916	Go get him Eisenschwarz! Chopper, sic balls! __________________

12-02-2002, 07:29 PM	#4
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 40 Posts: 6,043	Now that's well deserved of that darn captain [img]tongue.gif[/img] Hey that reminds me of the Samurai Joke ------------------------- once there was a Japanese emperor who called upon the finest Samurai from 3 differint lands, one was from China, another from Okinawa, and one was a Jew. The Chineese Samurai was the first to demonstrate his finely tuned skills, he stood before the emperor, and held out a box, he opened the box and released a fly from it, he then whipped out his sword and in a single movement 2 peices of fly slowly fell tot he ground... The Japanese Okinawan samurai was next, he released a fly, hoping to better the one before him, And wint one slash made 4 peices of fly fall to the ground... Finally the Jew walked up... He said "Oh yeah? You did that eh? You shmucks... Ain't seen nothin' yet!" he then opened his box and released the fly, he then WHIPPED his sword throught he air, and the fly kept buzzing around... The emperor looked at the Jew displeased... and spoke "Why didn't you kill the fly?" The Jew looked at the Emperor odly... and after a moment of silcnece replied, "What? You're telling me you've never seen a Circumsision before?" __________________ [img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;

12-02-2002, 08:09 PM	#6
Attalus Symbol of Bane Join Date: November 26, 2001 Location: Texas Age: 77 Posts: 8,167	Chortle, snicker, finally guffaw. That was great. __________________ Even Heroes sometimes fail...

12-03-2002, 11:36 AM	#8
johnny 40th Level Warrior Join Date: April 15, 2002 Location: Utrecht The Netherlands Age: 59 Posts: 16,981	I've found another good one, i think this is the apropriate place to post it. Russian Emergency -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right onit,"said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin. "No problem," replied the President. Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything. George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia." "Consider it done," said the president of the condom company. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one!" __________________

12-02-2002, 06:45 PM	#3
MagiK Guest Posts: n/a	Ok this brings out all the bad things in me....giggle...snort....laff...guffaw funny

12-03-2002, 06:59 PM	#9
antryg Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: August 30, 2002 Location: Dallas, Tx. Age: 23 Posts: 1,765	A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit it in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the copilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. The pilot replies, "I told her First Class isn't going to Houston." You deserve a joke of your own johnny! __________________

12-03-2002, 08:02 PM	#10
johnny 40th Level Warrior Join Date: April 15, 2002 Location: Utrecht The Netherlands Age: 59 Posts: 16,981	Thanks Antryg, but i'm not blonde. __________________

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