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#1 |
Takhisis Follower
![]() Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
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Ok I know it's been done before (on at least one board) but I found these on my hard disk and haven't heard them for ages and they were hilarious after all that time, so thought I'd post them for the benefit of those who haven't heard them or not for a while at least.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands = for the corrective action taken by the mechanics. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly) S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Radar hums. S: Reprogrammed radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed ![]()
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
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#2 |
Symbol of Cyric
![]() Join Date: March 28, 2003
Location: Australia
Age: 38
Posts: 1,124
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lol those were great
![]() the landing gear evidence one was my favourite ![]() |
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#3 | |
Takhisis Follower
![]() Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
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Quote:
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
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#4 |
Symbol of Cyric
![]() Join Date: November 12, 2002
Location: Banstead, Southeast England
Age: 38
Posts: 1,162
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I loved the cat and mouse one...man, I'd love to read more!
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#6 |
Jack Burton
![]() Join Date: July 19, 2003
Location: an expat living in France
Age: 39
Posts: 5,577
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IMO cannot reproduce problem on the ground was one of the best.
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#7 | |
Symbol of Cyric
![]() Join Date: March 28, 2003
Location: Australia
Age: 38
Posts: 1,124
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Quote:
anyway some of those stories are pretty funny ![]() |
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#8 |
Quintesson
![]() Join Date: September 11, 2002
Location: Milan (Italy)
Age: 44
Posts: 1,066
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Hilarious! Especially liked the engine n.3 one.
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Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity |
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#9 |
Drizzt Do'Urden
![]() Join Date: October 11, 2002
Location: Malaysia
Age: 36
Posts: 638
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I liked pretty much all of them...
![]() Actually (really) lol at this [img]tongue.gif[/img] And that is the only time you will see me type that...
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[img]\"http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0RwARAyMWqyivmPQQNWY0hVVRv3oUvlvq5uMcEd3!RZut55dm8 emNqpdvpE7IkB0Cpa1ykaC4MbaPQTDKfXyfz!1y5xDqyJez01d EkyCZjmc/Callum.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Puff the magic dragon! |
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#10 |
Dracolisk
![]() Join Date: November 1, 2002
Location: Australia ..... G\'day!
Posts: 6,123
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As a Qantas Licenced Airframe Mechanical Engineer *LAME for short
![]() However there is a Cabin logbook written by the flight attendants who log all the problems inside the cabin that they or the passengers find. The trouble is these glorified waiters have no mechanical knowledge at all and the replies we leave them are full of contempt. ![]() A couple of recant ones I’ve personally written are, IIRC FA.. drop down seat in aft galley broken at hinge. Engineer… drop down seat is in fact a drop down worktable with a 20kg max load weight decal attached. Table hinge repaired; suggest the instruction decal “not to be used as seat” be observed. FA… seat 77f does not recline Engineer … Seat 77f not fitted this or any other aircraft in the Qantas fleet.
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![]() fossils - natures way of laughing at creationists for over 3 billion years |
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