Ok I know it's been done before (on at least one board) but I found these on my hard disk and haven't heard them for ages and they were hilarious after all that time, so thought I'd post them for the benefit of those who haven't heard them or not for a while at least.



Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense
of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots
and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way Quantas
is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and
S stands = for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed


:D

lol those were great :D [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
the landing gear evidence one was my favourite ;)

yeah ROFL, I like "engine found on right wing after brief search" :D LOL

I loved the cat and mouse one...man, I'd love to read more!

More aviation humor ? Here ya go.

[ 01-20-2004, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: johnny ]

IMO cannot reproduce problem on the ground was one of the best.

canadian high story didn't make sense to me, did it really matter about the tone of voice? lol
anyway some of those stories are pretty funny :D

Hilarious! Especially liked the engine n.3 one.

I liked pretty much all of them... :D

Actually (really) lol at this [img]tongue.gif[/img]

And that is the only time you will see me type that...

<font color=deepskyblue> As a Qantas Licenced Airframe Mechanical Engineer *LAME for short :rolleyes: * I can say, hand on heart that these are not true, well some of them anyway. We treat the pilots with a bit more respect. But they are old and funny nonetheless.

However there is a Cabin logbook written by the flight attendants who log all the problems inside the cabin that they or the passengers find. The trouble is these glorified waiters have no mechanical knowledge at all and the replies we leave them are full of contempt. :D

A couple of recant ones I’ve personally written are, IIRC

FA.. drop down seat in aft galley broken at hinge.
Engineer… drop down seat is in fact a drop down worktable with a 20kg max load weight decal attached. Table hinge repaired; suggest the instruction decal “not to be used as seat” be observed.

FA… seat 77f does not recline
Engineer … Seat 77f not fitted this or any other aircraft in the Qantas fleet.
</font>