DWARVEN THROWERS, The Lost Art

RudeDawg · 05-08-2001, 08:30 PM

Perin LightEyes sat at the table with three men. He listened to their stories with scorn, knowing that perhaps a quarter of their claims of battle were true, and even less in their conquest of love.

But, they knew where the dragon was, so he kept ordering more drink, and guided their stories towards his goal.

Right now, they were discussing weapons, and combat.

"Remember that last fight? We were nearly done, when they attacked us through the trees! A new group, and we were exhausted. Aye, the Dwarven Thrower saved us that day."

Perin lifted an eyebrow in surprise. These were full-humans. None of them smelled of dwarves, or looked to be carrying dwarven weapons or armor. He said casually, "A merchant in TradeMeet tried to sell me one. A beautiful hammer, which he claimed would return to the caster after it struck the target. Alas, the magic only works for dwarves..."

The men's roaring laughter interupted Perin. They refilled their mugs, and continued laughing. One finally looked at Perin, and spoke.

"Not hammers, fool. Dwarves. Throw a pissed-off, fully armed drwaf at an enemy, and he'll cause more damage than a battalian. Just, calm him down when it's over."

And so it began.

The act of using your party as a shield is a time-honored strategy, but only recently has the art of using the "smaller" demi-humans as ranged weapons come to the fore.

Many questions must be discussed:

What are the differences in throwing dwarves, gnomes, and halflings?
What is the differences in speed, and distance?
Does the air-resistance of a dwarves beard negate his anger when he lands amid the enemy?
How should you arm and armor the throwee? How can you keep him from struggling?
If you set the gnome on fire before you throw him, will his potions ignite in mid-air, or on impact?

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION! HELP US EXPLORE THE FINE ART OF THE DWARVEN THROWER!

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

[This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 05-08-2001).]

[This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 05-08-2001).]

Therro · 05-08-2001, 08:46 PM

Ahhh...no! Not The Dwarven throwers thread again!

Sigh..I think I'll participate this time!

- I think that a dwarven battle rager in his/her spiky suit of armor who hasn't bathed for weeks and smells of elderberries is the ULTIMATE dwarven thrower...

Just my 2 cents..I'll add my dollars later

[This message has been edited by Therro (edited 05-08-2001).]

RudeDawg · 05-08-2001, 08:54 PM

Battle ragers do work well...

My personal favorite, currently is my Alchemist Gnome. He has all these great potions. Light e fuse, say "Excuse me" and throw. He lands and ignites: POOF ! Then, he runs around in the midst of the enemy, still on fire, causing all kinds of havoc.

And, he actually BELIEVES me when I say it was an accident. You'd think he'd figure it out, with the same accident happening EVERY BATTLE...

Therro · 05-08-2001, 09:06 PM

ooOOoo Rudedawg..thats a good one..I would never have thought of it!

How 'bout a halfling (there are enough of them around for this strategy

) with a delayed blast fireball cast ON him/her..just throw, duck, BoOm! -Rinse and Repeat

RudeDawg · 05-08-2001, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Therro:
How 'bout a halfling (there are enough of them around for this strategy ) with a delayed blast fireball cast ON him/her..just throw, duck, BoOm! -Rinse and Repeat

AND, you get the bonuse of their hairy feet catching fire, and causing more damage when they kick around in fear !!!

LOL

O yeah, we're just getting started....

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

Grand-Ranger · 05-08-2001, 09:14 PM

Well get a gnome to make a 'Advanced Catapult' then load the cup part of the catapult full of plate mailed dwarfs,and watch the fun

RudeDawg · 05-08-2001, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grand-Ranger:
Well get a gnome to make a 'Advanced Catapult' then load the cup part of the catapult full of plate mailed dwarfs,and watch the fun

Once again, a great idea.

MAJOR distance, and multiple missles.

It is a well-documented fact that the "base" damage caused from a dwarf (d12)is the highest of all the "smaller" races. Halflings are a (d10) while gnomes are a (d6+4) (the bonus comes from thier rammbling on and confusing the enemy.
Once you add in the bonuses from weapons, fire, poison, and other stuff, you got some MAJOR damage...

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

onthepequod · 05-08-2001, 09:35 PM

Oh, I see, this is what you meant by dwarven throwers.

Well, to me it would seem that an dwarf, with beard ignited would be of benefit, especially if he were properly feed the evening before.

To use this weapon properly one of the party needs to be well versed in the art of "cooking to produce gas" (but this is another topic for another time). For simplicity lets assume the dwarf in the party has been properly primed the night before.

Before one can throw this type of Dwarf certain mechanics need to be understood. First, 95% of the time the impact will arm the device (i.e. elicit flatulence). If the device (i.e. Dwarf) is traving anterior first the flatulence may be rapidly expelled away from the area of impact, drastically decreasing the chance for the flaming beard to ingite said device. However, if the device make impact while traveling posterior first the emission will also bounce off the target back toward the flaming beard and NOW WE'RE TALKING EXPLOSIVES!

Consequently, it is of the utmost importance to throw these type of dwarves posterior first, without spin. After many years of practice a party with an exceptional cook could potentially take their Dwarves nuclear. But at this time this is only conjecture.

As a side note, if the party does not come across potential enemies for days, it may be a misserable excursion. Furthermore the party make end up fire Dwarves at one another just to alleviate the situation. Caution should be taken before trying this type of weapon.

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-08-2001).]

RudeDawg · 05-08-2001, 09:44 PM

LOL

ah yes, onthepequod

the forgotten farting factor.

but, the intrigued masses require details...
Which foods, in which combinations, produce the best results?
Are we going for the inflmatory effect only, or is the smell a factor? (Stink Cloud, anyone?)

Details, we want details !!!!

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

onthepequod · 05-08-2001, 09:51 PM

I personally was going for the explosive factor, hence the Dwarf w/beard (fuse). But you bring up an excelent point. I have heard that Gnomes have a deviated colon (sp?) which allows them to produce a FINE odor (similar to a well aged and long unrefrigerated block of head cheese). But alas this is not my area of expertise. Can anyone confirm this deviated colon rumor?

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05-08-2001, 08:30 PM	#1
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 56 Posts: 2,830	Perin LightEyes sat at the table with three men. He listened to their stories with scorn, knowing that perhaps a quarter of their claims of battle were true, and even less in their conquest of love. But, they knew where the dragon was, so he kept ordering more drink, and guided their stories towards his goal. Right now, they were discussing weapons, and combat. "Remember that last fight? We were nearly done, when they attacked us through the trees! A new group, and we were exhausted. Aye, the Dwarven Thrower saved us that day." Perin lifted an eyebrow in surprise. These were full-humans. None of them smelled of dwarves, or looked to be carrying dwarven weapons or armor. He said casually, "A merchant in TradeMeet tried to sell me one. A beautiful hammer, which he claimed would return to the caster after it struck the target. Alas, the magic only works for dwarves..." The men's roaring laughter interupted Perin. They refilled their mugs, and continued laughing. One finally looked at Perin, and spoke. "Not hammers, fool. Dwarves. Throw a pissed-off, fully armed drwaf at an enemy, and he'll cause more damage than a battalian. Just, calm him down when it's over." And so it began. The act of using your party as a shield is a time-honored strategy, but only recently has the art of using the "smaller" demi-humans as ranged weapons come to the fore. Many questions must be discussed: What are the differences in throwing dwarves, gnomes, and halflings? What is the differences in speed, and distance? Does the air-resistance of a dwarves beard negate his anger when he lands amid the enemy? How should you arm and armor the throwee? How can you keep him from struggling? If you set the gnome on fire before you throw him, will his potions ignite in mid-air, or on impact? JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION! HELP US EXPLORE THE FINE ART OF THE DWARVEN THROWER! ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 05-08-2001).] [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 05-08-2001).]

05-08-2001, 08:46 PM	#2
Therro Dungeon Master Join Date: April 28, 2001 Location: Newmarket, Canada Posts: 73	Ahhh...no! Not The Dwarven throwers thread again! Sigh..I think I'll participate this time! - I think that a dwarven battle rager in his/her spiky suit of armor who hasn't bathed for weeks and smells of elderberries is the ULTIMATE dwarven thrower... Just my 2 cents..I'll add my dollars later [This message has been edited by Therro (edited 05-08-2001).]

05-08-2001, 08:54 PM	#3
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 56 Posts: 2,830	Battle ragers do work well... My personal favorite, currently is my Alchemist Gnome. He has all these great potions. Light e fuse, say "Excuse me" and throw. He lands and ignites: POOF ! Then, he runs around in the midst of the enemy, still on fire, causing all kinds of havoc. And, he actually BELIEVES me when I say it was an accident. You'd think he'd figure it out, with the same accident happening EVERY BATTLE...

05-08-2001, 09:06 PM	#4
Therro Dungeon Master Join Date: April 28, 2001 Location: Newmarket, Canada Posts: 73	ooOOoo Rudedawg..thats a good one..I would never have thought of it! How 'bout a halfling (there are enough of them around for this strategy ) with a delayed blast fireball cast ON him/her..just throw, duck, BoOm! -Rinse and Repeat

05-08-2001, 09:14 PM	#6
Grand-Ranger Galvatron Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Everywhere I wanna go its already where I am,cause I am already there Posts: 2,130	Well get a gnome to make a 'Advanced Catapult' then load the cup part of the catapult full of plate mailed dwarfs,and watch the fun

05-08-2001, 09:35 PM	#8
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	Oh, I see, this is what you meant by dwarven throwers. Well, to me it would seem that an dwarf, with beard ignited would be of benefit, especially if he were properly feed the evening before. To use this weapon properly one of the party needs to be well versed in the art of "cooking to produce gas" (but this is another topic for another time). For simplicity lets assume the dwarf in the party has been properly primed the night before. Before one can throw this type of Dwarf certain mechanics need to be understood. First, 95% of the time the impact will arm the device (i.e. elicit flatulence). If the device (i.e. Dwarf) is traving anterior first the flatulence may be rapidly expelled away from the area of impact, drastically decreasing the chance for the flaming beard to ingite said device. However, if the device make impact while traveling posterior first the emission will also bounce off the target back toward the flaming beard and NOW WE'RE TALKING EXPLOSIVES! Consequently, it is of the utmost importance to throw these type of dwarves posterior first, without spin. After many years of practice a party with an exceptional cook could potentially take their Dwarves nuclear. But at this time this is only conjecture. As a side note, if the party does not come across potential enemies for days, it may be a misserable excursion. Furthermore the party make end up fire Dwarves at one another just to alleviate the situation. Caution should be taken before trying this type of weapon. [This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-08-2001).]

05-08-2001, 09:44 PM	#9
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 56 Posts: 2,830	LOL ah yes, onthepequod the forgotten farting factor. but, the intrigued masses require details... Which foods, in which combinations, produce the best results? Are we going for the inflmatory effect only, or is the smell a factor? (Stink Cloud, anyone?) Details, we want details !!!! ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

05-08-2001, 09:51 PM	#10
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	I personally was going for the explosive factor, hence the Dwarf w/beard (fuse). But you bring up an excelent point. I have heard that Gnomes have a deviated colon (sp?) which allows them to produce a FINE odor (similar to a well aged and long unrefrigerated block of head cheese). But alas this is not my area of expertise. Can anyone confirm this deviated colon rumor?

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