Scam Artist in the Family??

[Larry_OHF]

I think my sister is becoming a scam artist because of the current boyfriend that she may or may nor marry. Two weeks ago, I learned that she was trying to get her credit established. She's 28, living in Hawaii, and she has no credit to even get a simple credit card. She's graduated from college, but holds a crap job because her boyfriend does not want to leave Hawaii where he is from. He used to be in a gang and did some stuff, and my sister thinks that's hot.

Anyway, she tells me that out of six tries, nobody will give her credit and she wanted to buy something for $400 on the internet. A week later, she tells my wife that she needs dental work, and is trying to get a credit card to pay the bill.

Today she called me to ask if I would co-sign for her so she could get a personal loan, because dad will not do it. The loan is for $1500. I told her I could not, because I could not make good on $1500 right now, and that to co-sign would be to put my own credit in jeopordy for 7 years if she defaulted just once. I told her it would be better to just loan her the money for the dentist, if that is what she really needed. Yet she could not tell me what the dental bill would come out to be. I asked her about the $400 thing she wanted to buy online and she acted like she never said that. She also tried to justify the need for the entire $1500, but her story was not as "practiced" as the initial part of the phone call was. I guess I hit her with questions she had not rehearsed yet.

I totally do not believe her. I think that she actually does need one tooth taken care of at the dentist, but I am sure that her bill is less than she is letting on, and she's just looking for some Christmas money so as to buy her boyfriend some junk.

She owes my mom hundreds of dollars that she denies is owed, and she does not make enough money to support herself. I mean the girl is 28 and has not even established a good credit with anyone!

It bothers me so much that she is wasting her life away, but for her to call me and start hoping to play the "family" card makes me mad because I have my own children to worry about. I cannot put my own family in more debt to cover her's, especially if I do not trust that the debt is legit.

So IW...tell me what you think of this. Should I continue as I am, and just tell my sister that I cannot help her, or am I betraying a family tie that binds me to helping my sibling and not questioning her motives?

I feel really lost about this, because there is something of a guilt seed there...but it is small.

What do you think?

[Luvian]

Don't give her the money. It wouldn't be helping you and it wouldn't be helping her. If she really want to make a good name she'll simply have to straighten out her life. She won't be doing that with shady schemes.

[Bungleau]

Ask for proof. Have her send you a copy of the bills, either via mail, fax, or email. Then search the dentist involved via the net, and you should be able to determine if it's legit.

Your BS detector is already running high... that doesn't mean it's wrong just because she's family. It just means that it carries more emotional baggage to do the right thing.

Good luck...

[Winter Wolf]

Your seed of guilt is totally misplaced. I have family members like that, and sometimes you just have to cut them loose. It sounds cold, but the only question you really need to answer is: are you willing to screw up your life for the sake of someone who's trying to take advantage of you?

[SpiritWarrior]

I'm with the guys on this. Tell me though, since she can't say specifically what the money is for and dances around it when asked, why not find out what she's hiding? Just a thought, nothing more. If someone acts this way alarm bells would go off in my head is all.

[Larry_OHF]

I agree with the proof and verification. If I decide to "give" her money (Since I doubt she's ever pay it back, so I have to realize that its a gift and not a loan), then I want that dentist receipt. I wish that she'd be more honest with me, even if she wants to lie to my dad. She should know I am smart enough to not be fooled as easily as this. I am insulted that she thought her cheap con would work.

[Cloudbringer]

Don't they always say not to lend money to family or to think of it as a gift? Some proverb or somesuch, I think... in any case, it's good advice!

Larry, I agree that you should see the bills and verify it if you DO give her money. And I also agree you'll have to think of it as a gift if you do, since her track record for paying people back doesn't sound too good- most likely an indication of why she has not credit of her own at this point too, if you think about it!

If it were me, I think I'd be as concerned about it being legit as you are and would not jeopardize my own family to give money where I wasn't sure it was truly needed (for bills/medical needs etc). Is her bf even working, do you know? Seems to me she should be going to him first for this sort of thing and I couldn't tell from your post if she had asked him and he doesn't have it or if she didn't bother as he wouldn't have it cuz he's not working or whatever.

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: I mean the girl is 28 and has not even established a good credit with anyone!

I actually think that's a good thing! Credit sucks. It's the biggest scam in America. Play on peoples greed and let them think they can own a thing immediately without saving for it.

I hate credit cards. Loans. Evil evil evil. My wife and I just got out of all debt. (I was debt free when we married) I believe in buying from surplus, not credit. Saving and keeping a buffer zone. It can be stressful when the buffer starts closing in on zero (being a musician that happens!) but it's better than looking at unmanageable debt.

Living without credit forces you to live within your means. It means you can only buy what you can afford, not buying stuff just to have it.

"Oh but you need credit to buy a home!" Really!? And because everyone does that, prices go up, because everyone's cool with paying money they don't have. If people only bought houses from surplus, demand would go down, and prices would go down too. But at least we'd own our houses instead of the bank!

My grandparents saved up and bought their house without a bank loan. That's what I'd like to do.

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Cloudbringer: Don't they always say not to lend money to family or to think of it as a gift? Some proverb or somesuch, I think... in any case, it's good advice!

Giving, not loaning to family is the way to go. Onya Larry! [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Captain Obvious]

Sounds like you need to go down there and lay some jackie chan on her boyfriends ass - he sounds like 17 kinds of bad news.

Without knowing anything about your family dynamics, you could try and use the money as a way for her to get closer to you and your family (if you want that) - like loan/give her the money on the condition that she calls you every week and talks to you and your kids. Over time, that regular contact might make her realise that her life ain't what it should be.

On the other hand, $1500 is a lot of cash to fork out like that - especially just before christmas!

@Yorick - i mostly agree with you on the credit thing, although if used wisely there is no problem. With our credit cards, we max them out every month (we only have a $1000 limit) but pay it off in full every month - so we NEVER pay interest. Also, with buying houses, we bought ours at a time when they were quite cheap, and the interest we were paying each year was less than we could have rented for - so we are much better off with a mortgage. Since then, we have paid off well over half the debt, and the house has doubled in value, so credit has not been evil for us! (admitedly, i am an accountant and my wife is dutch...)