Trying the "Arvon" thing.

Dron_Cah · 10-12-2004, 06:17 PM

I got these from my e-mail, I thought they were pretty good. Enjoy!

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my pen."

************************

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

************************

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

************************

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly
widow and asked,"How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

************************

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But.....Thank God, I still have my Floridadriver license!

************************

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

************************

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.

"Walmart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.

************************

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!!!

Bozos of Bones · 10-12-2004, 06:21 PM

Eh hahaha! lol, this is great.. I like the first one best.

Larry_OHF · 10-12-2004, 06:21 PM

Quote:

...She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

This one was my favorite. Thanks for sharing!

Dron_Cah · 10-12-2004, 06:23 PM

No probs! Ya know Larry, working at a funeral home for a rather long time, I have actually heard people say that one! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Crazy old coots, but great sense of humor! [img]smile.gif[/img]

10-12-2004, 06:35 PM

Lol, great finds!!

love the last one and the first one..cracked me up!

Arvon · 10-12-2004, 06:46 PM

GOOD SHOW!!!!

Kakero · 10-12-2004, 08:01 PM

Arvon should be proud of you. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

edit : oh, he is proud of you.

[ 10-12-2004, 08:02 PM: Message edited by: Kakero ]

Arvon · 10-12-2004, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kakero:
Arvon should be proud of you. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

edit : oh, he is proud of you.

yeah! I like tombstone humor!

Ilander · 10-12-2004, 09:22 PM

Nice ones Drew...of course, knowing that you work at a funeral home...I bet I can guess who emailed you those...

Pretty funny!

Bungleau · 10-12-2004, 11:10 PM

Nice... very nice [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

But to do an Arvon, I think you've got to keep it up for at least a couple of weeks or so... so I'll be waiting for tomorrow's installment. Don't be late!

10-12-2004, 06:21 PM	#2
Bozos of Bones Apophis Join Date: July 29, 2003 Location: The Underdark cavern of Zagreb Age: 38 Posts: 4,679	Eh hahaha! lol, this is great.. I like the first one best. __________________ MAKE LOVE, NOT SPAM!

10-12-2004, 06:46 PM	#6
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	GOOD SHOW!!!! __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

10-12-2004, 09:22 PM	#9
Ilander 20th Level Warrior Join Date: December 28, 2003 Location: Kentucky Age: 39 Posts: 2,820	Nice ones Drew...of course, knowing that you work at a funeral home...I bet I can guess who emailed you those... Pretty funny! __________________ Is that what you really want to say?

10-12-2004, 11:10 PM	#10
Bungleau 40th Level Warrior Join Date: October 29, 2001 Location: Western Wilds of Michigan Posts: 11,752	Nice... very nice [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] But to do an Arvon, I think you've got to keep it up for at least a couple of weeks or so... so I'll be waiting for tomorrow's installment. Don't be late! __________________ B Save Early, Save Often Save Before, Save After Two-Star General, Spelling Soldiers -+-+-+ Give 'em a hug one more time. It might be the last.

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10-12-2004, 06:17 PM	#1
Dron_Cah Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 2, 2003 Location: Kentucky Age: 38 Posts: 2,637	I got these from my e-mail, I thought they were pretty good. Enjoy! A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my pen." ********************** Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." ******************** The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. ******************** Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,"How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?" ******************** I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Floridadriver license! ******************** A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!" ******************** An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week. ********************** THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!!!

10-12-2004, 06:23 PM	#4
Dron_Cah Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 2, 2003 Location: Kentucky Age: 38 Posts: 2,637	No probs! Ya know Larry, working at a funeral home for a rather long time, I have actually heard people say that one! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Crazy old coots, but great sense of humor! [img]smile.gif[/img]

10-12-2004, 06:35 PM	#5
Spirits forever Guest Posts: n/a	Lol, great finds!! love the last one and the first one..cracked me up!

10-12-2004, 08:01 PM	#7
Kakero 40th Level Warrior Join Date: March 24, 2002 Posts: 10,215	Arvon should be proud of you. [img]tongue.gif[/img] edit : oh, he is proud of you. [ 10-12-2004, 08:02 PM: Message edited by: Kakero ]

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