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Old 01-14-2004, 04:47 PM   #1
quietman1920
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Join Date: January 6, 2003
Location: NJ, USA
Age: 15
Posts: 548
I listed just the first few from this site:

http://www.eclipse.net/~srudy/flw/


"Let's go in."


"Let's not go in."


"I follow them."


"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."


"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."


"I kill it."


"Let me handle this."


"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"


"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."


"Click?? ...This doesn't come with ammo?"


"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"


"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"


"Trust me."


"I never get lost."


(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold) "I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate."


"Dammit, this thing won't die!"


a)"I bet without Mjolnir you're a real wuss."
b)"He looks like a wuss to me."


"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"


"They're only kobolds!"


"Hey, this chest just bit me!"


"I try to move silently in plate armor..."


"I didn't find any traps !!"


"Wonder what this button does ?"


"Don't worry, he is probably just first level."


"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."


"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror"


"Can I eat this green slime?"


"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"


"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"


"This type of undead can't drain levels"


"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"


"We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping"


"That's only a statue"


"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it"


"Look, behind you!!!" Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked party member crept up. End of the other member.


"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"


"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"


"We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."


"Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?"


"How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?"


"I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level."


"Don't I get the faerie fire bonus on my parry."


Star Wars: "Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist..."


Traveller: "Who took the battery out of my grav belt?"


"They're wearing blue robes? They must be Druids. Roll for initiative, suckers." (At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.)


"I see HOW MANY wights?!" (from the crypts of Ravenloft)


"Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked."


"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding the treasure."


"A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."


"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."


"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible"


"Don't worry sir, we can handle it."


"You jump down and distract him, and I'll shoot him."


NPC: "Lets drop our weapons and talk."
PC : "Okay!"


"We killed all monsters on this level."


"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."


"What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said crocodile."


"Well ...., I'll touch it again"


"I attempt to disbelieve."


"I cast a fireball" (into a 10'x10'x10' room)


"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."


GM:"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or take 210 points of damage"


GM:"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf, because it's special bodak power"


" It's OK, I trust her..." ... *BOOM!!!!!!*


"Stand back you wimps. I'll kill it."


"Oops."


"OK! I moon the Balrog!"


"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me?? OK, I shoot again!"


"Where'd that thief go now?"


"Trap? What trap?"


"So what?"


"Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button", do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?"


"Hmmm...the sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK". I wonder what's inside."


"You're all a bunch of wimps!! I'll prove to you myself that an entire orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian."


"All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!! Let's yell and scream a lot so we can locate each other by sound!!"


"I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn whether the other goody-good PC's like it or not."


"Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."


"A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right away I recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter."


"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."


"Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character."


"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"


"I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of contempt."


"Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred and feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?"


"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it."


"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard."


"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us."


"So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."


"Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might as well try to seduce her."


"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"


"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinitesimal."


"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?"


"So you're Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like to convert?"


"I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force."


"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me."


"Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing..."


"I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it across the room at the aliens...Wait! Isn't that grenade Contact Fused ???"


"All right, I guess Toronaga's right. There can't possibly be anything on the other side of this airlock. Why not open the damned thing."


"Whistling sounds? Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!"


"Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge. I go through the door and find the helm."


"They can't possibly outflank us. We have a multi-scanner!"
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Old 01-14-2004, 04:53 PM   #2
Link
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: May 15, 2001
Location: The Netherlands
Age: 30
Posts: 5,888
"So you're Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like to convert?"

LOL!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] Talking to Tiamat! That's a good one
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Old 01-14-2004, 05:09 PM   #3
Zuvio
Gold Dragon
 

Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Blessed are those who are not....
Age: 33
Posts: 2,556

OMG! "Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me." Hilarious!!!
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Old 01-14-2004, 05:25 PM   #4
ZFR
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Join Date: February 14, 2002
Location: Bray, Ireland (temporary)
Age: 30
Posts: 7,288
Those are really funny
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Old 01-14-2004, 05:55 PM   #5
Dron_Cah
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Moon Lander Champion Space Invaders Champion
Join Date: March 2, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 28
Posts: 2,637
"just the first few," quietman? LOL. Yeah, those are pretty good!
Faves:
"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?"

"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"
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Old 01-14-2004, 06:05 PM   #6
slicer15
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: November 12, 2002
Location: Banstead, Southeast England
Age: 27
Posts: 1,162
LOL, loved 'em all! (Well, some were better than others ). But hilarious! I'm keeping these, cheers!
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Old 01-14-2004, 06:35 PM   #7
dplax
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: July 19, 2003
Location: an expat living in France
Age: 29
Posts: 5,577
Quite good.

My fav:
"Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button", do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?"
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Old 01-14-2004, 08:56 PM   #8
SomeGuy
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Join Date: May 14, 2002
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Age: 23
Posts: 4,238
LOL great stuff!
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Old 01-15-2004, 02:42 PM   #9
Ghoul
The Magister
 

Join Date: November 13, 2003
Location: Austria
Age: 34
Posts: 143
[img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Hilarious!
My favourites are:
"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."
"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"
"Click?? ...This doesn't come with ammo?"
"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"

and the overall winner:
"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"
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Old 01-15-2004, 04:05 PM   #10
garret jax
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Join Date: January 14, 2004
Location: 9th plane of hell(northwest pennsylvania)
Age: 44
Posts: 7
WHAT IS A PANTHION AND WHY IS IT MAD AT ME????? MY RANGER WILL LIGHT HIS PIPE AND HAVE A WHISKEY(he should be looking for survivors)#######YOU BURNT MY BEARD!(dwarf to a red dragon after a failed breath save
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