A Guide for Men

[Hayashi]

Just thought I'd share this with all the guys in IW...

A Guide for Men

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when
dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy! Do something she likes - and you get points. Do something she dislikes - and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the
game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .................................................. ..........+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.................. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.................................-1
You leave the toilet seat up................................................ .-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.......................... 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.................-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.........................-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...................+5
...in the snow.............................................. .................+8
...but return with beer.............................................. ........-5
...and no liners............................................ ................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night................................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing........................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.........................+5
You pummel it with a six iron.............................................. .+10
It's her cat............................................... .................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.........................................0
You leave her side to chat with a College drinking buddy.................... -2
A buddy named Tiffany........................................... .............-4
Tiffany is a dancer............................................ .............-10
With breast implants.......................................... ..............-80

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.......................................... ...........0
You buy a card and flowers........................................... .........0
You take her out to dinner............................................ ....... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........................+1
Okay, it is a sports bar............................................... ......-2
And it's all-you! -can-eat night.............................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.............................................. .-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal............................................... ..................0
The pal is happily married........................................... ........+1
The pal is single............................................ ................-7
He drives a Ferrari........................................... ..............-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBD).................................-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie............................................. .........+2
You take her to a movie she likes............................................+ 4
You take her to a movie you hate.............................................+ 6
You take her to a movie you like.............................................-2
It's called Death Cop 3................................................. .....-3
...which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......................-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly..........................................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..............+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts............................................ ..........................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...........................-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding........................................ ..........-10
You reply, "Where?".................................................. .......-35
You reply, "no, I think it's your ass".....................................-100
Any other response.......................................... ................-50

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.................................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes........................................... ...+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience....................+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".................................................. ...-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..............+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep........................-200

[Lady Blue03]

ROFL. It's funny cause it's true! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

[ 02-27-2003, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Lady Blue03 ]

[sylent]

LoL, thats really good

it sure seems a pretty hard job impressing a woman.

[Yorick]

Very funny.

[Kakero]

oh my gosh, that was quite funny.

[Lord Starshadow]

Originally posted by Hayashi: THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding........................................ ..........-10 You reply, "Where?".................................................. .......-35 You reply, "no, I think it's your ass".....................................-100 Any other response.......................................... ................-50

LOL, just as we always knew: there is no right answer to this question.

[Harkoliar]

absoloutly funny!!!!!!! .. now i know how hard it is pleasing a woman.

[Borvik]

Originally posted by Lady Blue03: ROFL. It's funny cause it's true! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

ROF No, it's not funny - but it's non the less true

[Lord High Eater of Legs]

Originally posted by Lord Starshadow: Quote: Originally posted by Hayashi: THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding........................................ ..........-10 You reply, "Where?".................................................. .......-35 You reply, "no, I think it's your ass".....................................-100 Any other response.......................................... ................-50

LOL, just as we always knew: there is no right answer to this question. [/QUOTE]How about: no, it makes me look fat? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Donut]

Love it! Especially the 'any other response' to the 'Does this make me look fat' question.

Do you women know the panic that is induced in a man's head when you ask questions like that?