!!!HELP ME!!! Messed up BIG with the girlfriend's dad...!!!!!!!!!

[The Cavalier]

Long story short, she stayed the night last night (we did NOT have sex, we just slept after watching some movies), and lied to her parents about it. Her dad found out and he is a real hardass and he called me this morning just after she left and he said "So, this is how it's gonna start. Lies and Deception?" (We just started going out, but we've known each other for two years). I just went with her and her father to church yesterday, before she stayed the night. She just got out of a relationship with an asshole, but he came from money, so I made it look like she was slummin' in the first place, but now I'm SURE her dad hates me. I can give more details of the relationship if needed, but my main question is:

What do I do now that I'm sure her father isn't very happy with me? DO I just go up to him and apologize or what?

ANY suggestions would be nice. there has got to be some fathers here, am I right?

[Tancred]

Er...

The one big thing that I can imagine running through the man's mind is 'why did my daughter lie to me?'. I would dread the worst - not expect it, but certainly fear it. Far from it being him scaring you - no matter how hard he might be, it's up to you to put his mind at rest. He's not going to let you see her if he can't trust her with you - so, yes, I'd be in favour of the apologising, or at least a talk with the guy to find out where you stand. You can't do anything unless you know that first.

I reckon Attalus would be a good man to ask about this, too. Attalus! Where are you, sir?

[ 02-16-2003, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: Tancred ]

[The Cavalier]

thanks. I guess I'm going to have to go with my origional plan and apologize.

[antryg]

Cav, you are definately on the right track. For her dad to have any respect or trust in you then you have to give him a VERY good reason not to think the worst. Going to him man to man and explaining what happened AND taking full responsibility for your actions is the first step to mending fences with the family. If your relationship with him has been good up to this point; then the eventual outcome should be good. It may take him a while to cool down, but making amends is the right thing to do.

[Attalus]

LOL, thanks, Tancred, I think. Lessee. Daughter stayed overnight. I was worried sick (hypothetically - you have to put yourself in the other guy's shoes, and BELIEVE ME, if your child hadn't come home all one night, you would have been frantic, calling hospitals, frinds, friends of friends, etc.) I would have been relieved when she finally showed up, but [img]graemlins/1pissed.gif[/img] at the guy who had taken her out. So, yes, an interview with the aggrieved father at short order is advisable. Show up as serious as you can be, no torn jeans or suggestive t-shirt. Say to him what you just posted. If it were me, I would leave, have a talk with my wayward daughter, and my next action would depend on what she said. And then, if Galadria hadn't gutted you like a tuna the minute I turned my back, you would be relatively safe.

[Tancred]

Originally posted by Attalus: LOL, thanks, Tancred, I think.

Meant in a nice way, of course. *bow*

[The Cavalier]

thanks for all the advice, I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable with the idea of apologizing to him. I felt like I was going Rambo and accepting a sucide mission by doing so.

Originally posted by Tancred: Just remember one thing; you are guilty of nothing *but* breaching his trust. Make sure he understands that. Don't let him browbeat you, but at the same time don't be insolent or mouthy, for god's sake.

This makes me feel a little bit more confident. That's right, all that I am guilty of is breaching his trust. that's all.

[Tancred]

Originally posted by The Cavalier: thanks for all the advice, I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable with the idea of apologizing to him. I felt like I was going Rambo and accepting a sucide mission by doing so. Quote: Originally posted by Tancred: Just remember one thing; you are guilty of nothing *but* breaching his trust. Make sure he understands that. Don't let him browbeat you, but at the same time don't be insolent or mouthy, for god's sake.

This makes me feel a little bit more confident. That's right, all that I am guilty of is breaching his trust. that's all.[/QUOTE]Still serious, mind you! [img]smile.gif[/img] As Attalus said, he probably had one anxious night. You've got your work cut out making it up to him and his wife. But - the important thing - it doesn't seem like you've done anything unforgivable.

[The Cavalier]

thanks. we actually did almost nothing (little bit of kissing and touchy-feely, but nothing more). we watched a couple movies and then slept. Good ol dad called at 8 this moring, but I haven't heard from Shely (that's her) yet today (now it's 10:30 pm). I don't think she even knows that her dad called me. I'm assuming she's grounded, but I'll hear from her tommorrow or tuesday at the latest, so I'm not sure if he even knows we slept in the same bed. he might just think she stayed the night. My parents were here, and he talked to my dad for a while when he called this morning, but didn't mention it to him. I dunno why.

[ 02-16-2003, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: The Cavalier ]

[Tancred]

We're not the ones who need to hear the details, Cavalier. Good luck. [img]smile.gif[/img]