Woman Driver

[Timber Loftis]

Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"

Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."

Woman: "Oh, I see."

Officer: "Can I see your license please?"

Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

Officer: "Don't have one?"

Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drunk driving."

Officer: "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please."

Woman: "I can't do that."

Officer: "Why not?"

Woman: "I stole this car."

Officer: "Stole it?"

Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."

Officer: "You what?"

Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see." The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle."

Woman: "Is there a problem, sir?"

Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

Woman: "Murdered the owner?"

Officer 2: "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please." The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: "Is this your car, ma'am?"

Woman: "Yes, here are the registration papers." The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.." The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: "Thank you, ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."

Woman: "Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too."

[Kaltia]

Meh, that's fantastic!
*goes and gets a driving liscense just for this *

[Lord High Eater of Legs]

heard it b4, but's it's still just as funny

[Horatio]

Clever. Not so clever as to warrant an attempt, however. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[WillowIX]

LOLOL! Great joke Timber! Whar I saw the thread title I was ready to dig up the whack smiley. *snicker*

[quietman1920]

When I was growing up, one of my older sisters commuted to college. Now she was always late for everything and the car my father gave her to use was ugly & slow. Still, she managed to get that rust-bucket over the speed limit and get tickets.

Now my father wis Pissed at the tickets (think Insurance) and told her if she got One More before reducing her points, she could take the damn bus & screw her GPA for missing class. Well, generally she was a slightly better driver after, but 2 days later [whirrrr..!] went the sirens and she got pulled over.

Now, at this point she was Screwed and would have done darn near Anything to get out of that ticket. Now she's thinking this when, surprise, surprise, its a New Recruit NJ state trooper, decked out in his light blue felt suit, looking all of 17 who walks up to the car.

Now She thinks its her Lucky Day and trys to Vamp & Flirt her way out of the ticket. As I understand it, the conversation went something like this:

"License and registration please."

"Good Afternoon, Officer." [big flirty smile]

"Good Afternoon, Ma'm. Do you know why I stopped you today?"

"Goodness No. By any chance, were you stopping to give me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball?" [wink, flirt]

"No Ma'm. State Troopers don't Have Balls."

Now at this point she was smiling, but she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The trooper, head still shaved from seagirt. Looked at her, turned 10 different shades of Red...and just stopped speaking. He then did a military about face, walked back to his cruiser, and drove off down Rt 3. At which point she threw back her head and laughed till she just about pee'd. But its a funny thing: She Knew never to speed on that stretch of road again...

[Horatio]

LOL @ quietman! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

[Lord High Eater of Legs]

Lmao! nice one QM