VERY funny link (pg-13) Mocking the lord of the rings

Sigmar · 10-14-2002, 12:29 PM

Well I found this link on Deathmage's realms, posted by someone called Beldin. I found it so funny that I decided to bring it here, remember read the diary entries in order

http://home.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/

Sigmar · 10-14-2002, 02:57 PM

BUMP in case someone missed this link as it is really funny

True_Moose · 10-14-2002, 03:58 PM

LOL, that was pretty funny. It seemed kinda repetitive though (the whole "gay" thing.)

Still a good chuckle [img]graemlins/evillaughter1.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Dagorion · 10-14-2002, 06:56 PM

ROFLMAO!!! I read these a while ago and have been wandering where to find them again. Thanks Sigmar!

[img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

JeraalMordeth · 10-14-2002, 10:24 PM

POSSIBLE MOVIE SPOILER IF YOU NEVER READ THE BOOKS YET.

I think this would have been much funnier if it made jokes about the differences between the books and the movie....there about 1000000 of them.

One major difference was the entire Tom Bombadil scene, and the proper origins of the 4 elvish blades the hobbits have, was left out. Now they are simply elvish blades, which can't hurt Ring Wraiths. Only the power of a Barrow Wight corrupting the elvish magic was able to do it, so I wonder how they will do that scene in the third movie...

Arwen never went out to meet Aragorn, it was Glorfindel! Now everyone admits that Tolkien's biggest flaw as a writer was his inability to write about interesting female characters. I can see how they would make that change to give her a more active role, but in the books all she really did was play lap-dog to Aragorn "between the lines", there's actually more material on her in the appendix than in the book itself! It wasn't Liv Tyler playing Arwen in the movie, it was Liv Tyler playing Liv Tyler so she could get some more publicity, and personally I was not impressed. She would have been better off playing the real role, since that's basicly what all the guys were hoping for, and a REAL romance scene would have made the movie much better... Anyway, recall that LotR was originally composed from dozens of bedtime stories that Tolkien used to tell his children, but refined over some decades, so it was PG.

Dwarves are NOT supposed to be "short dumb guys".

So much was left out at the Council of Elrond that I found myself explaining the whole thing to friends that had never read the book...

What happend to the battle with the Wargs at the base of the mountains? Oh well, that was one of the few scenes in the book where Gandalf actually uses magic for something other than unlocking/locking doors. Basicly magic wasn't used nearly enough, because Gandalf was THE reason the Fellowship made it that far to begin with, and it also explains how they beat the impossible odds.

Speaking of magic and doors, where was the "mental warfare" with the Balrog over sealing the doorway to Balin's tomb?

Why were there about 10000000 goblins in Moria? in the book there was only a few dozens, which weren't THAT big a threat thanks to Gandalf and Legolas godlike spells and arrows, and they were never entirely surounded. From watching the movie it was like "ER, yeah, adn they needed a Balrog...Why?"

Again, so much was left out of the Lothlorien scenes that you can't really figure out what is going on. If I remember right they didn't even reveal that Galadriel is a ring bearer, let alone that Celeborn used to be the ring bearer for that ring. The only purpose of the entire scene is to give Frodo the Phial of Galadriel, otherwise it may as well have been left out because all the other important things were...

I guess the whole "Legolas shooting down the Nazgul" thing didn't fly, so they left it out, but exactly how ARE they planning on making winged Nazgul look real in a movie?

At the fall of Boromir they made it look like he single handedly held off and entire batallion of orcs, but Merry and Pippen were there right up until the last. Most of the orcs had already been killed by Faramir and the men of Gondor before they ever came upon the company. The battle was amid trees and brambles where he was able to fight them mostly one at a time and they spent as much time hacking the weeds as fighting him...

They also didn't make it clear enough that even though orcs have great stamina and are very strong, they are stupid as hell. They're supposed to be barely sentient, with a native language that is little more than grunts and growls, and extremely bad common. Sauron originally bred the various goblins, orcs and trolls for their fecundity, stamina, and mindless obedience, but he needed intelligent leaders for his forces, so he tricked the nine kings into taking the rings as a gift.

Sauron is NOT the head bad guy! If you're wondering why he looked about 40 feet tall in the movie and looks suspiciously like a Balrog its because he was! Sauron is himself nothing more than an agent of a greater evil, Morgoth. Sauron did not create the Balrog in Moria, he is one of seven(or some other prime number) if I remember right, and there was nothing special about him compared to the others except that he was a little more ambitious. He had been fighting the War of the Elves and Sauron since the beginning of the first age, and after a series of tide swings he spent countless years forging the first the sets of rings in an attempt to win that war by default, although this was all in the making from the very beginning of the war, it just took that long for him to develope the skill and resources to begin the spell, and it took decades to complete. At one point during this process the elves had actually captured Sauron and were trying to determine what to do with him, but he managed to use his magic and cunning to convince several elves to join his cause and that's how he was able to set up the 19. Each ring was a component of a much more powerful spell, but Celeborn realized the trick just in time. If all 19 of the lesser rings had been in place as Sauron doned the One Ring he would have conquered middle earth in a matter of days. Even Gandalf never realized that all the rings were made by Sauron to begin with...

Wizards aren't "humans that use magic", they are divine beings, I can't remember the actual name right off hand, but the point is they basicly have special powers, not just limited to magic, but to the point of avoiding certain death among other things. They are guardians over middle earth. Wizards do not choose their color standing, it is a title given by the White Council, and denotes power and purity, with white being the highest color, grey being the second highest, and Brown next. The other colors are lower down. However, the title itself actually gives the bearer certain "rights". Which is why it is such a big deal when Saruman the White, Curimir, is revealed as a traitor while Gandalf the Grey, Mithrandir, takes his place as "Gandalf the White" after defeating the Balrog in Moria. Later Gandalf uses his rights as "the white" to break Saruman's staff, removing his legal right to be a Wizard at all. However Saruman WAS more powerful in terms of magic alone, as stated in the appendix, and much of this power stayed with him even after his staff was broken.

Whoah man! I'm possessed! I can't believe i wrote all that...Oh well. I could right forever about LotR though, and I haven't even got into the Allegorical meaning yet!

Sio · 10-15-2002, 05:21 AM

Yeah I know that a lot of the Lord Of The Rings film was a major dissapoinment but I guess that well before it even came out we knew it in now way could fractionally represent the book or rival it in any way, but I am sure the LOTR's film has been discussed and ripped apart in countless other threads so 'll stop

Lifetime · 10-15-2002, 05:53 AM

Dude.. what was a post about a LOTR mockery.. Just take a chill pill and realise what you just said had no relevance whatsoever to the topic. Plus, read some other books.

On the flip side,
Excellent post

Really agree with you on some cinematic choices that Peter Jackson took, but I think the movie really did give LOTR its due justice. It had to be accessable to the general public. Fact is I think the movie motivated more people to read the trilogy than word of mouth ever has..
So just chill out, enjoy the movie, study the book, and remember what the topic is when you dump something that carefully thought-out on us

Melusine · 10-15-2002, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JeraalMordeth:

I think this would have been much funnier if it made jokes about the differences between the books and the movie....there about 1000000 of them.

Um no actually, I think the diaries in that link were funny and your post isn't. Everybody who's read the book already knows about all of that - it is old news. And most people did read the book before seeing the movie. There's nothing funny, IMHO, about going on about how Tom Bombadil wasn't in the movie and should have been yada yada yada. It's been said again and again and again already. And people have retorted again and again and again that the whole point of the movie WASN'T to copy the books in every detail - it would have been a pretty bad movie if it were. We know about Morgoth, about Galadriel's gifts, about Glorfindel, about the Barrow-wight. Doesn't take away from the fact that Peter Jackson has accomplished a truly extraordinary movie.

I thought the diaries were very funny - Bridget Jones (the book, not the movie [img]tongue.gif[/img] ) style ramblings, very nicely done.

Just my two cents

[img]smile.gif[/img]

10-14-2002, 03:58 PM	#3
True_Moose Gold Dragon Join Date: June 18, 2002 Location: Wolfville, NS / Calgary, AB Age: 36 Posts: 2,563	LOL, that was pretty funny. It seemed kinda repetitive though (the whole "gay" thing.) Still a good chuckle [img]graemlins/evillaughter1.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f13/true_moose/Siggy.jpg\" alt=\" - \" />

10-14-2002, 06:56 PM	#4
Dagorion Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: November 23, 2001 Location: That coffee stain on your map (Australia) Age: 37 Posts: 868	ROFLMAO!!! I read these a while ago and have been wandering where to find them again. Thanks Sigmar! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] __________________ <br />2,500 left handers die each year using products designed for right handers.

10-15-2002, 05:21 AM	#6
Sio Avatar Join Date: September 17, 2002 Location: UK Age: 38 Posts: 546	Yeah I know that a lot of the Lord Of The Rings film was a major dissapoinment but I guess that well before it even came out we knew it in now way could fractionally represent the book or rival it in any way, but I am sure the LOTR's film has been discussed and ripped apart in countless other threads so 'll stop __________________ ICCT HEdral Phillip 4Glass Orchestration<br /> [img]\"http://members.lycos.co.uk/deatbringer/sio-sig1.jpg\" alt=\" - \" />

10-15-2002, 05:53 AM	#7
Lifetime Red Dragon Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: Scotch College, Melbourne Posts: 1,503	Dude.. what was a post about a LOTR mockery.. Just take a chill pill and realise what you just said had no relevance whatsoever to the topic. Plus, read some other books. On the flip side, Excellent post Really agree with you on some cinematic choices that Peter Jackson took, but I think the movie really did give LOTR its due justice. It had to be accessable to the general public. Fact is I think the movie motivated more people to read the trilogy than word of mouth ever has.. So just chill out, enjoy the movie, study the book, and remember what the topic is when you dump something that carefully thought-out on us __________________ \'Cause its always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said..

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10-14-2002, 12:29 PM	#1
Sigmar Unicorn Join Date: May 17, 2001 Location: N/a Posts: 4,222	Well I found this link on Deathmage's realms, posted by someone called Beldin. I found it so funny that I decided to bring it here, remember read the diary entries in order http://home.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/

10-14-2002, 02:57 PM	#2
Sigmar Unicorn Join Date: May 17, 2001 Location: N/a Posts: 4,222	BUMP in case someone missed this link as it is really funny

10-14-2002, 10:24 PM	#5
JeraalMordeth Dungeon Master Join Date: July 26, 2002 Location: USA Posts: 73	POSSIBLE MOVIE SPOILER IF YOU NEVER READ THE BOOKS YET. I think this would have been much funnier if it made jokes about the differences between the books and the movie....there about 1000000 of them. One major difference was the entire Tom Bombadil scene, and the proper origins of the 4 elvish blades the hobbits have, was left out. Now they are simply elvish blades, which can't hurt Ring Wraiths. Only the power of a Barrow Wight corrupting the elvish magic was able to do it, so I wonder how they will do that scene in the third movie... Arwen never went out to meet Aragorn, it was Glorfindel! Now everyone admits that Tolkien's biggest flaw as a writer was his inability to write about interesting female characters. I can see how they would make that change to give her a more active role, but in the books all she really did was play lap-dog to Aragorn "between the lines", there's actually more material on her in the appendix than in the book itself! It wasn't Liv Tyler playing Arwen in the movie, it was Liv Tyler playing Liv Tyler so she could get some more publicity, and personally I was not impressed. She would have been better off playing the real role, since that's basicly what all the guys were hoping for, and a REAL romance scene would have made the movie much better... Anyway, recall that LotR was originally composed from dozens of bedtime stories that Tolkien used to tell his children, but refined over some decades, so it was PG. Dwarves are NOT supposed to be "short dumb guys". So much was left out at the Council of Elrond that I found myself explaining the whole thing to friends that had never read the book... What happend to the battle with the Wargs at the base of the mountains? Oh well, that was one of the few scenes in the book where Gandalf actually uses magic for something other than unlocking/locking doors. Basicly magic wasn't used nearly enough, because Gandalf was THE reason the Fellowship made it that far to begin with, and it also explains how they beat the impossible odds. Speaking of magic and doors, where was the "mental warfare" with the Balrog over sealing the doorway to Balin's tomb? Why were there about 10000000 goblins in Moria? in the book there was only a few dozens, which weren't THAT big a threat thanks to Gandalf and Legolas godlike spells and arrows, and they were never entirely surounded. From watching the movie it was like "ER, yeah, adn they needed a Balrog...Why?" Again, so much was left out of the Lothlorien scenes that you can't really figure out what is going on. If I remember right they didn't even reveal that Galadriel is a ring bearer, let alone that Celeborn used to be the ring bearer for that ring. The only purpose of the entire scene is to give Frodo the Phial of Galadriel, otherwise it may as well have been left out because all the other important things were... I guess the whole "Legolas shooting down the Nazgul" thing didn't fly, so they left it out, but exactly how ARE they planning on making winged Nazgul look real in a movie? At the fall of Boromir they made it look like he single handedly held off and entire batallion of orcs, but Merry and Pippen were there right up until the last. Most of the orcs had already been killed by Faramir and the men of Gondor before they ever came upon the company. The battle was amid trees and brambles where he was able to fight them mostly one at a time and they spent as much time hacking the weeds as fighting him... They also didn't make it clear enough that even though orcs have great stamina and are very strong, they are stupid as hell. They're supposed to be barely sentient, with a native language that is little more than grunts and growls, and extremely bad common. Sauron originally bred the various goblins, orcs and trolls for their fecundity, stamina, and mindless obedience, but he needed intelligent leaders for his forces, so he tricked the nine kings into taking the rings as a gift. Sauron is NOT the head bad guy! If you're wondering why he looked about 40 feet tall in the movie and looks suspiciously like a Balrog its because he was! Sauron is himself nothing more than an agent of a greater evil, Morgoth. Sauron did not create the Balrog in Moria, he is one of seven(or some other prime number) if I remember right, and there was nothing special about him compared to the others except that he was a little more ambitious. He had been fighting the War of the Elves and Sauron since the beginning of the first age, and after a series of tide swings he spent countless years forging the first the sets of rings in an attempt to win that war by default, although this was all in the making from the very beginning of the war, it just took that long for him to develope the skill and resources to begin the spell, and it took decades to complete. At one point during this process the elves had actually captured Sauron and were trying to determine what to do with him, but he managed to use his magic and cunning to convince several elves to join his cause and that's how he was able to set up the 19. Each ring was a component of a much more powerful spell, but Celeborn realized the trick just in time. If all 19 of the lesser rings had been in place as Sauron doned the One Ring he would have conquered middle earth in a matter of days. Even Gandalf never realized that all the rings were made by Sauron to begin with... Wizards aren't "humans that use magic", they are divine beings, I can't remember the actual name right off hand, but the point is they basicly have special powers, not just limited to magic, but to the point of avoiding certain death among other things. They are guardians over middle earth. Wizards do not choose their color standing, it is a title given by the White Council, and denotes power and purity, with white being the highest color, grey being the second highest, and Brown next. The other colors are lower down. However, the title itself actually gives the bearer certain "rights". Which is why it is such a big deal when Saruman the White, Curimir, is revealed as a traitor while Gandalf the Grey, Mithrandir, takes his place as "Gandalf the White" after defeating the Balrog in Moria. Later Gandalf uses his rights as "the white" to break Saruman's staff, removing his legal right to be a Wizard at all. However Saruman WAS more powerful in terms of magic alone, as stated in the appendix, and much of this power stayed with him even after his staff was broken. Whoah man! I'm possessed! I can't believe i wrote all that...Oh well. I could right forever about LotR though, and I haven't even got into the Allegorical meaning yet!

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