evil scumbag if I do, homeless for at least another yr if I don't, pls give yr thots

[J.J.]

Hokay, here is the latest wrinkle (and the last possible legal one remaining) between Amanda's mom and I.

The sitch: Her mom had three years to refinance the house (Sep '02), get me off the mortgage, and give my half of the equity at the time of the split (aug 99, just under $5K) She has told me that I may go whistle for it, as she will get around to it when she damn well feels like it.

The $ is not the main issue here, although it would be nice. The way she has failed to pay the mortgage note on time since then is. 26 of the last 36 pmts have been late. I am still tied to that note, no judge can order the bank to take me off and put her next ex on it in my place.

Even though my personal credit since then has had no late pays on anything -close doesn't count! - I show up as having that $750 a month payment as one of my credit obligations, one that looks like it was payed according to some random schedule determined by reading tea leaves and chicken bones rather than an accurate calendar. It has caused some grief and many letters, but this is the kicker; I can't buy a house for Amanda and I as long as I am tied to that note. The late pays and what that payment does to my debt load/income ratio resemble Genghis Khan and the effect his family vacation had on medievil eastern europe. I have procured a letter from a vice-pres in charge of customer non-service at the bank that I will be removed from the note and it's record of late pays back to aug '99 when refinancing occurs.

The only recourse available is to go back to the judge and ask him to set a date (again!) by which the house is refinanced and the $ owed is payed. - OR, the house is SOLD, which is the only other way to dissolve the note and pay according to the paperwork filed 3 yrs ago.

Anybody wanna sit on the horns of this dilemma for me? Can't buy a house 4 Amanda and I now, but in order to make her mom live up to the terms of the dissolution agreement, Amanda's house would have to be sold. Baaaaaaad Dad. Eeeeeeevuhl Dad. Royally screwed Dad.

My thinking is that only the judge can tell her to shut up and live up to the agreement, one way or another. That way, those two have to stop buying new vehicles every year and scrimp and save and beg and borrow from their parents to cough enough cash to overcome the lender's understandable reluctance to refinance them. AND start paying interest, as I am also unwilling to let her keep on using my almost $5K interest free past the original agreement date.

SOOOOOOoooo.......fellow ironworkers, as you have done so admirably in the past during the scorched earth of the custody armageddon wars, whaddaya think? Those of you who have had similiar probs with ex's and kids, etc., am I on the right track with this feeble plan? As long as she doesn't have to live up to the agreement, she won't. She has a house with Amanda, so could care less if Amanda and I have one also. Probably prefers it this way, hoping Amanda wants to spend less time with dad if he still does not have a house.

I guess if it came down to d-day, I could always ask the judge to extend his deadline; since I am the "injured party to the agreement seeking redress", I have been told by another judge that it would be pro forma. I am certainly not going to have Amanda's house sold out from under her. Unfortunately, her mom knows this also, thus the motion to the court to make her think otherwise.

I have talked about this with Amanda already, because she will hear about it in a twisted and hateful way. She knows that I wouldn't, in the end, force a sale. You know what she said back to me? - "It's allright dad, I want to have a house with you too, that's just fair." (pay no attention those little wet dots on the screen, high humidity around here [img]graemlins/crying.gif[/img] ). hmmm... time for me to go. I'll check back later.

[johnny]

I don't have any advice for you, but i sure hope everything works out fine for you and your daughter.

[Lord of Alcohol]

Hey JJ! Thats a tough one! I think I would have to force the ex to straighten up things. Take her to court as you said. You cant let her screw with you forever! I remember you posting last year about what she has put you through. And as for the poison she will be spewing to your daughter, well you've already explained part of it to her. Keep telling her things, but obviously not mean things about her mother.No need to stoop that low lol Kids are smart, I think she will be able to figure out whos being good and whos being bad. Anyways thats my thought and as always best wishes to you JJ and hope it all gets settled! [img]smile.gif[/img]

[The.Relic]

Ouch J.J., it is great to see you, but the circumstances are pretty yucky!
I'm no expert on this, but I have a feeling that if their credit is a mess that the bank wont refinance for her anyway. This is a time when we need a visit from our banking expert BK! I would definately consider going before a judge and asking to have the previous judgement extended. Perhaps since she failed to meet the previous deadline, they can be somewhat more insistent. It would probably be a good idea to have a counceling session with an attorney that is experienced with post marital possession resolutions. At least you can get a feel for what to expect and what your chances might be.
One thing I do know for sure, though it may not feel very comforting at the time. Is that Amanda wealy wuvs her papa! And whether you are living in a house right now, a condo or apartment isn't going to change her feelings and love for ya. Little consolation I know but hopefully it will help some as you wait for this trying circumstance to be resolved.
Best wishes buddy!

[AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe]

Thats a pretty sticky situation there. My honest opinion is do what you need to do, to make sure things work out for you, even if that means doing some not so nice things, as others would see it. It seems you should look out for yourself, because it doesn;t sound like anyone else involved in the situation is looking out for your interests. Good Luck with everything.

[Attalus]

The judge can issue an order that you be taken off the note. Talk to a lawyer, and see about the laws in your state. Don't let her jerk you around with guilt feelings. The law is the law, and you need to have it working for you.

[J.J.]

Thanks folks, that's pretty much what I had figured, and that is why I have been squirreling to get a big enuf nut pile to do a contract for deed, which in itself can have hairy results, as the only reason you sell a house c for d is because it is too messd' to qualify for fha, gma, va or other ordinary financing, so the owner must carry the note. no credit report worries with that scenario, but is a bit more expensive to buy that way.

The.Relic, good point but the state of MT does NOT ALLOW judicial recision of fiduciary responsibility. That is why the pickle - all the judge can do is FORCE a sale of the house, set a date for title tranfer and note liquidation to occur, with various financial and contempt-type sanctions added for my damages.

LoA, you are right on, my baby is an angel sent here to earth to remind me of what is truly important in my life, and doing exactly as you described, no badmouthing her mom, and believe me and ask The.Relic, I have plenty of ammo!
staying above the fray for these last three years (well, mostly ) is paying massive dividends, amanda is always calling her mom to stay here later, or just coming over - only 4 blocks away now! and her mom does not want to stand in front of that judge again and have him remind her of what was going to happen the last time he told her to shut her mouth and open her ears to hear EXACTLY what contempt of court meant when he told her to not be back in front of him, or she would only have amanda wknds, and supervised visitation was not out of the question if she did not straighten up. - Worth every penny and month, every subpoena of half of cascade county sherrifs deputies, to see her face when the sick realization set in that being the MOM did not grant her automatic possesion and control over amanda's time with me - and that she was on the ragged edge of disaster. I really thought she was going to faint, throw up, or both when the judge told her he might just change the settlement around, kick her and her next ex out of the house and order amanda and i in it, and she could start paying child support to ME! .....find myself wishing I had made a face or something at her just then, make her loose it completely...

while annoying and a setting back of our plans, this is nothing compared to the trauma of last fight, because its only $, my baby has already been won in the war b4 [img]smile.gif[/img] this is just mopping up phase, so to speak. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Well, thanks guys, I feel better for having expounded, I know that the most precious thing of all is mine - everything else is material and replaceable, with time and alot of elbow grease. school is tomorrow, she is back at her mom's, and it is time to break out the adult fermented beverage, [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img] to you all
and thanx [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

Here is my 2C on this. I think that you have perfect opportunity to deal the death blow to your cancerous fire breathing EX once and for all!! It will take an uncommon amount of intestinal fortitude on your part , but here is a plan. Get the best home with 2 bedrooms that you can afford. Next have the Judge FORCE THE SALE!! Once your EX is homeless go to your local dept. of social services and request that a "home study" be done. They will come in and look at your house and your Ex's house and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 based on their own obscure criteria. If your Ex is homeless it shouldnt be too hard to get them to say you have the better home. If your house is found to be better pettition for FULL custody!! With your Ex being already viewed in a less than favorable light and the Dept. of social services saying that your house is better any judge would have a hard time Not granting your request. Here is the final step!! Since your name is on the title to the house I would imagine that you will get a portion of the money. use that to make a down payment on a new house AND pettition the court for child support!! Since you will have custody they pretty much have to grant you some type of support. With a new and better house you insulate yourself from your Ex trying to regain custody.

check and MATE!!!!
BWahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

[Animal]

I can't say as I'm in tune with what's going on with you and your ex, but I'm a single dad as well (for different reasons) and can say as I feel for your dilemna, but based on what I've read and know (which isn't much) I'd say sell the damn house! You said yourself, all your equity is tied up in it, so dump it, rent for a year and then buy you and your daughter a new place.
It's a shame to see kids in the middle, but all too often a hateful parent will use their child against their ex in an attempt to be spiteful.
Lose all ties and start from scratch. It'll hurt, but no pain...no gain.

[250]

the chinese has an old saying of "Your children have children's fortune, worry not for them." so as your daughter goes, she will find a place eventually, one that will tell tale the story of her life and her parents' life. Her mother side of the story may show many truth abt life, while your love grounds her and reminds her of the (good) courses that open up before her.

I've got a sister of my own. She was actually adopted, and now she is already showing signs of loneliness and frightfulness, although we all love her VERY much and none of us had told her abt her not being my parents' true daughter. She does suspect something. Eventually, she will have to make that journey to discover many things of herself and her family and the community in which she lives in. (china regards, still, son over daughter. she might have died if my mother didnt adopt her.)

and for you, JJ, good luck. you are making a tough journey, but it will be a worthwhile one. go fishing or something. dont forget that what you live for. (your own advice to me, I believe [img]smile.gif[/img] )