Our War Aims - in General

[Silver Cheetah]

This from today's Guardian newspaper..... An interview with General Elmer Coyote, former commander of Gamma Force....

Our war aims - in general

So, General, how can you help the tiny minority who are feeling wobbly to understand the sad necessity of our War Against Badness, as currently conducted by our wise and restrained leaders?

Thank you kindly, I'd be glad. First off, I'd have to say that anyone who is, as we put it in military circles, a real live normal human being will, by their very God-given nature, accept that everything we're doing over in Afghanistan and on the home front is absolutely for the best.

As you know, the United States, and your United Kingdom never interfere with foreign powers, but once we are roused, we act. The way may be stony, still our will is strong and our war aims are absolutely clear, although subject to the secrecy which must inevitably arise in matters of virtuous defence.

You couldn't give us a teeny clue about them, though?

We seek not to overthrow the Taliban, but to overthrow the Taliban, which may take a while, or not that long at all, if you compare it to Vietnam - not that you ever, ever should - and after victory we will allow the Afghan people to elect a new government, or we will allow them to elect the new government provided, which will be based, or not based, around the Northern Alliance which is either a really keen bunch of patriots, or a rabble of camel-jockey terrorists slightly less well-equipped than the Taliban, and we will find Bin Laden and we will kill him, or bring him to justice in another deadly way resulting in his law-abiding and perfectly reasonable death when vengeance will be ours, but not in a vengeful way.

And when this is all over, Afghanistan will be a happy land, full of merry, hopping children - hopping, mind you, not because they are amputees, but because they are living in an earthly paradise of recognisable banking and investment systems. We are fighting to defend our way of life and don't you forget it. Amen.

And could you expand a little on the qualities that make our way of life so very, very good?

I had the honour to teach the current commander of the US forces when he was a student at the College of Death Studies and he is a fine, warm man. I think of him now, because often we would sit up nights and discuss what made our way of life so precious. And it's, quite simply, this: cowards, terrorists, communists and Muslims, they kill civilians on purpose, whereas we in the west kill civilians as a sad necessity. We don't enjoy it.

Some lunatics and subversives would say that, either way, you still end up with innocent casualties, mutilated babies and so forth.

That is war and war is hell. And if they're so innocent, what are they doing in Afghanistan, anyway - the place is a shithole. And if, for example, a mother knows we decapitated her daughter with the very best of intentions, really as a kind of accident, it will surely make all the difference to her. And I know your prime minister agrees. That's part of what makes the special relationship so special.

Yes, what about that special relationship?

It's special. It's full of specialness and it's really a relationship.

Which means?

That Britain and the Britishers, above all others, understand that UK politicians should be able to come stateside and pretend they have more influence than a bucket of hog piss over the most powerful country in the world.

And you also understand that, when all's said and done, we're going to do what we damn well like, because our interests are the finest interests in the world, but you can come along for the ride and peripheral dividends. And we could get a little sickened by all this whining about grenades that look like bandage rolls and "won't people get confused?" and "why keep bombing Red Cross stations?"

And the rumours that all US infantrymen who enter Afghanistan carry a length of pipe with instructions to connect and lay them in the direction of the Caspian?

Whatever this war is about, it is not about control of the vast Caspian sea oil deposits. The United States has never had any interest in oil. President Bush has never had any interest in oil. Neither the United States or the United Kingdom have ever cynically exploited a conflict for their own commercial advantage, or made a profit out of death.

So no worries there, then. Thanks.

[Neb]

This wouldn't happen to be a.... joke? Would it? Good one SC, ROFL, LOL. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Silver Cheetah]

quote:

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Originally posted by Neb:
This wouldn't happen to be a.... joke? Would it? Good one SC, ROFL, LOL. [img]smile.gif[/img]

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A joke! Good god no, oh wise and sage counsellor, not in a month of quiet Afghani Sundays, broken only by the pitter patter of tiny... er... knees. It's a completely kosher interview with a wholly representative member of the American Armed Forces. What on earth could have made you think otherwise??

[skywalker]

Sounds like a bit of good old American DoubleSpeak! LOL! Thanx Cheets!

[Ronn_Bman]

I'm glad you finally had the common sense to post a decent article on this forum

[Chewbacca]

*cheers*
*whistles*
*Whoops*
*hollas*

Hehehe...