Rules to live by...if you're gassy

[Arvon]

When and When Not to Fart

When not to Fart:

1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. during confession
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

When to Fart:

1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure it's a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before you get off
5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become unoccupied.
6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work
7. While parachuting
8. While scuba diving
9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
11. In your car if you've been carjacked
12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their turn.
13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go quicker.
14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to blame.

[Encard]

Lol! Funny post! [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

[johnny]

you're wrong about the crowded bus, i did that some time ago (really loud too) and put the blame on my girlfriend. Man, it took me almost a week to make up again but it sure was fun. You should fart loud in churches as well and then be like "praise the lord" , ÿou'll never forget the looks on all those godfearing peoples faces (rotflmao)
don't forget: farts are here for the amusement of mankind (lol)

[norompanlasolas]

lol... funny post. [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

i remember when i was young (like 10/11) my school class got into this farting frenzy. suddenly it was fashionable and cool to do it. and the stinkier and louder the better. so everyday there would be like 20/30 farts. it got to a point where we had to evaquate the classroom a couple of times.

it all ended up when they put in older kids from higher classes on my classroom to spot the "evildoers". a few got caught and suspended (i think one got like a week suspension, plus a good beating from those older kids).

[Sazerac]

It's always so refreshing to see the good people of IW striving to keep up those high standards of good taste.

(said FIRMLY tongue-in-cheek, of course!)

[Arvon]

Originally posted by Sazerac: It's always so refreshing to see the good people of IW striving to keep up those high standards of good taste. (said FIRMLY tongue-in-cheek, of course!)

You, of course mean you have a perfect diet....*wink*

nonononono

you can do it in a crowded elevator as long as it's silent and there's an old person in the lift to blame

*tut*

[johnny]

Originally posted by Lord Shield: nonononono you can do it in a crowded elevator as long as it's silent and there's an old person in the lift to blame *tut*

no way, dude...always be as loud as you can be, be heard ! Those old plastic seats they used to have in Mc Donalds were perfect for the job. It was almost like rolling thunder lol

The metallic benches in tube stations work wonders too - oops! I didn't say that [img]redface.gif[/img]

[johnny]

Originally posted by Lord Shield: The metallic benches in tube stations work wonders too - oops! I didn't say that [img]redface.gif[/img]

really ???? Damn, i live in Utrecht and we have no subway here, i guess i'll just have to move to a bigger town