Capitalism Defined! (Just in case you really didn't know)

03-04-2002, 08:58 AM

Capitalism........

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

[img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

Redblueflare · 03-04-2002, 09:32 AM

Lol! Ah Vodka...

Epona · 03-04-2002, 10:46 AM

LOL, very good!
I've seen variations of the 'Cow Economics', but this contained some new ones that I hadn't come across before.

Sir Kenyth · 03-04-2002, 12:01 PM

[img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Sir ReGiN · 03-04-2002, 12:08 PM

That's some pretty funny stuff, MagiK! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Ronn_Bman · 03-04-2002, 06:34 PM

Don't forget...

Alien Capitalism

You have two cows. One is routinely kidnapped and experimented on during the night over a long period of time, but no one knows this, because cows can't talk!!!!! Well, except for the one who's been repeatedly kidnapped, and her story just isn't convincing!!!!!

fable · 03-04-2002, 08:15 PM

That's a cute one. The web is a great source of wisdom.

03-04-2002, 09:32 AM	#2
Redblueflare Galvatron Join Date: May 9, 2001 Location: The backwoods in Georgia sigh Age: 41 Posts: 2,151	Lol! Ah Vodka... __________________ <br /><br />\"If you ever need me just whistle, and i\'ll come running. I promise. <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Smile]\" src=\"smile.gif\" /> <br />Kupo, Kupo! A man can\'t get a sword if he can\'t dance! <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Big Grin]\" src=\"biggrin.gif\" />

03-04-2002, 10:46 AM	#3
Epona Zartan Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 54 Posts: 5,164	LOL, very good! I've seen variations of the 'Cow Economics', but this contained some new ones that I hadn't come across before. __________________ [img]\"http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/epona.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

03-04-2002, 12:01 PM	#4
Sir Kenyth Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: August 30, 2001 Location: somewhere Age: 55 Posts: 1,785	[img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] __________________ Master Barbsman and wielder of the razor wit!<br /><br />There are dark angels among us. They present themselves in shining raiment but there is, in their hearts, the blackness of the abyss.

03-04-2002, 12:08 PM	#5
Sir ReGiN Gold Dragon Join Date: August 11, 2001 Location: The land of blonde virgins Age: 43 Posts: 2,563	That's some pretty funny stuff, MagiK! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] __________________ Take a look at your Promised Land<br />Your deed is that gun in your hand

03-04-2002, 06:34 PM	#6
Ronn_Bman Zartan Join Date: March 11, 2001 Location: North Carolina USA Age: 58 Posts: 5,177	Don't forget... Alien Capitalism You have two cows. One is routinely kidnapped and experimented on during the night over a long period of time, but no one knows this, because cows can't talk!!!!! Well, except for the one who's been repeatedly kidnapped, and her story just isn't convincing!!!!! __________________ [img]\"http://home.carolina.rr.com/orthanc/pics/Spinning%20Hammer%20Sig%20Pic.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

03-04-2002, 08:58 AM	#1
MagiK Guest Posts: n/a	Capitalism........ TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. The public buys your bull. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A HINDU CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. AN ISRAELI CORPORATION So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people? AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute... [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

03-04-2002, 08:15 PM	#7
fable Quintesson Join Date: March 17, 2001 Location: Where I am. Posts: 1,089	That's a cute one. The web is a great source of wisdom.

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