Cyber Friendships - Are They Real?

bilqis · 07-13-2001, 06:20 PM

A topic of discussion that often comes up between Reeka and I is the quality of friendships we develop on the net. Are they real? Are they lasting?

Family & friends in "Real Life" often react with disbelief when we tell of our friends from here... at least, that has been what Reeka and I have experienced.

We are interested in knowing what you think.
Are cyber relationships real? Do you think they can & will last for a lifetime?
Why do you think as you do?

Thanks in advance for your input!

------------------

Having abandoned my
search for truth, I am
now looking for a good
fantasy.

Thank you to the kind R³
for being such eloquent
& witty spokesmen.

jabidas · 07-13-2001, 06:41 PM

No a vicous lie perpetrated by the man who is red.

Seriously yeah I have some good internet friends I talk to regularly, most of them I met in chat rooms at Napster before the downfall.

------------------

Xanthul · 07-13-2001, 06:46 PM

Well i have some very good friends over the net: Azreall, Rikard, Memnoch (though i dont see him a lot

), Cloudy, Melusine, Moiraine and Stealthy (where are you my friend ?

) are the best of them. I do trust them a lot and i know i can tell them whatever that happens to me, and i hope they know ill be there whenever they need me

.

------------------

"I´ve been captured... and I don´t care" -Ertai, Captive of the Blinding Angel

[This message has been edited by Ertai_OHF (edited 07-13-2001).]

MILAMBER · 07-13-2001, 06:47 PM

One of the guys that works for me just got married to a girl who he met over the internet. He met her in a chat somewhere, they talked all the time, he flew out to visit her once, they got engaged, now their married. They have been married almost 2 years now and appear very happy. It seems crazy, but I guess it can't get much more real then that.

------------------
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
-General George Patton (1885-1945)

Member of CLAN HADB

Sazerac · 07-13-2001, 06:51 PM

Since the Internet is such a relatively new medium, I would be hesitant to say "lifetime" friendship...such evidence must bear the test of time. But, there is little doubt that VERY strong bonds may be formed online as well as in real life.

For one thing, people who are online already have a built-in common point of reference: computers and the Internet. This may or may not be the case with your RL friends, although assuming that one tends to choose friends on the basis of similar tastes and interests, it's likely that one's RL friends will likewise share such an interest. In such a forum as this one, we all have another very strong common point of interest: that of our hobby, gaming.

The disadvantage? Well, the Internet is fairly anonymous, despite a bunch of fear-mongers warning to the contrary. This is a double-edged sword in that it protects our privacy, but also allows us to masquerade as to who we want to be rather than who we really are. Therefore, someone online claiming to be a dead ringer for Pamela Anderson or David Hasselhof should more than likely be viewed with suspicion until they can prove otherwise.

It has been my experience that as far as friendships go, one can generally size people up after about 1 month and be about 85-90 percent accurate in one's assessment, first impressions aside. I have learned to set aside my first impressions and hold off my judgement until I have read enough posts by the person and see what their online behavior is like. If the person is a phony or a creep, they'll generally tip their hand sooner or later, no matter how nice they're trying to act. Likewise, someone who comes online and acts completely obnoxious (and we've had our share of those) in order to get attention at first, will start to mellow out after awhile and start evidencing their true nature.

As far as friendships go, I'd say yes, online friendships are EVERY bit as real as their non-cyber counterparts. However, I would approach any romantic involvement online with a large shaker of salt (forget the grain!) It takes time to get to know anyone, and just like someone can lie to you in the non-cyber world, they can lie to you online, and online it's a lot easier to cover one's tracks.

I should like to think that my online friendships will be for a lifetime. Time will tell whether I am accurate in that assessment.

Reeka · 07-13-2001, 07:03 PM

We have talked about this quite a bit. I feel that my cyber or on-line frienships are just as valid and real as RL ones. Don't get me wrong, they are different, but I think they are valid. In a way, I liken it to a a long time ago when people were pen pals (except through e-mail and chat the communication is much faster). But people have always communicated and built relationships through different means other than seeing one another. So what do you think about your on-line or cyber friends?

------------------
Order of the Holy Flame
Member of Clan HADB

Ramon de Ramon y Ramon · 07-13-2001, 07:12 PM

Dearest Bilqis, this thread is a bomb waiting to explode which means

a) it is surely a very relevant topic, one that had to be raised sooner or later in a setting like this one.

b) I am more than wary to answer because the potential to hurt people is almost infinite ...

It is too late here now and I am way too tired, but, depending on how things develop, I might come back and post here on one of the next days ...

------------------
So long !

R³ - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks

Btw, the cow is queuing in the slaughterhouse right now !

Waluin · 07-13-2001, 08:22 PM

Go here:

http://www.clanplaid.net

Click on the "Gatherings" section.

Look for "Waluin"

Cavern Sniffer · 07-13-2001, 08:57 PM

Running the risk of sounding stupid here but what is the link and of what relevance is it. I looked in there but it left me baffled, what's it all about?

------------------
It's bleedin dark down here, slippery too.

Man, that's a pisser.

07-13-2001, 09:08 PM

A good question to add would be if you were friends in RL with your cyber friends do you think the relationships would remain the same or even last?

What makes you believe you can trust your online friends not to gossip to others behind your back with people they know you don't like?

Would you believe them if they denied it?

I like and have respect for a lot of people I have met online, even some who can't stand me but I seriously doubt that if we ever hooked up in RL that things could or would be the same. I also think that people who "don't like" certain personas they know online might be pleasantly suprised by them in RL and vice versa about the ones they have taken to attaching themselves to.

I am editing this to add:
I have a few friends I have met online that I have made RL connections with, most I have kept, some just seemed to fizzle when we realized that the interests we share online are limited to the cyberworld.
I met my best friend, Rex online and we still endure a close and personal relationship that is filled with fun and laughter after two years of living under the same roof. I also have a friend (in Z's town even

) that I maintain contact with through snail mail. I know if and when we meet in real life that our relationship will remain the same as it is now if not be a closer one since we have learned to love and understand one another in a way that makes us feel like family. After years of keeping in touch online and otherwise, a bond that deep can be counted on to be one that is real.
Even better are the childhood and teenage friendships that have been renewed online since we became priveledged enough to become members of the cyberpopulation.

It is the same online as it is in the real world...sometimes you click, other times you don't, but at least in RL you have the advantage of getting to know one another on a more personal level rather than making judgements based on simple misunderstandings or personal delusions (for lack of a better term) as to what your online friends are really like.

Just my opinion.
Moni

------------------

[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 07-14-2001).]

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07-13-2001, 06:20 PM	#1
bilqis Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 68 Posts: 1,328	A topic of discussion that often comes up between Reeka and I is the quality of friendships we develop on the net. Are they real? Are they lasting? Family & friends in "Real Life" often react with disbelief when we tell of our friends from here... at least, that has been what Reeka and I have experienced. We are interested in knowing what you think. Are cyber relationships real? Do you think they can & will last for a lifetime? Why do you think as you do? Thanks in advance for your input! ------------------ Having abandoned my search for truth, I am now looking for a good fantasy. Thank you to the kind R³ for being such eloquent & witty spokesmen.

07-13-2001, 06:41 PM	#2
jabidas Silver Dragon Join Date: March 14, 2001 Location: Agharti. Mountains of Madness Posts: 1,673	No a vicous lie perpetrated by the man who is red. Seriously yeah I have some good internet friends I talk to regularly, most of them I met in chat rooms at Napster before the downfall. ------------------

07-13-2001, 06:46 PM	#3
Xanthul Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Outside my place Age: 43 Posts: 1,283	Well i have some very good friends over the net: Azreall, Rikard, Memnoch (though i dont see him a lot ), Cloudy, Melusine, Moiraine and Stealthy (where are you my friend ? ) are the best of them. I do trust them a lot and i know i can tell them whatever that happens to me, and i hope they know ill be there whenever they need me . ------------------ "I´ve been captured... and I don´t care" -Ertai, Captive of the Blinding Angel [This message has been edited by Ertai_OHF (edited 07-13-2001).]

07-13-2001, 06:47 PM	#4
MILAMBER Lord Soth Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,948	One of the guys that works for me just got married to a girl who he met over the internet. He met her in a chat somewhere, they talked all the time, he flew out to visit her once, they got engaged, now their married. They have been married almost 2 years now and appear very happy. It seems crazy, but I guess it can't get much more real then that. ------------------ "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -General George Patton (1885-1945) Member of CLAN HADB

07-13-2001, 06:51 PM	#5
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 61 Posts: 7,387	Since the Internet is such a relatively new medium, I would be hesitant to say "lifetime" friendship...such evidence must bear the test of time. But, there is little doubt that VERY strong bonds may be formed online as well as in real life. For one thing, people who are online already have a built-in common point of reference: computers and the Internet. This may or may not be the case with your RL friends, although assuming that one tends to choose friends on the basis of similar tastes and interests, it's likely that one's RL friends will likewise share such an interest. In such a forum as this one, we all have another very strong common point of interest: that of our hobby, gaming. The disadvantage? Well, the Internet is fairly anonymous, despite a bunch of fear-mongers warning to the contrary. This is a double-edged sword in that it protects our privacy, but also allows us to masquerade as to who we want to be rather than who we really are. Therefore, someone online claiming to be a dead ringer for Pamela Anderson or David Hasselhof should more than likely be viewed with suspicion until they can prove otherwise. It has been my experience that as far as friendships go, one can generally size people up after about 1 month and be about 85-90 percent accurate in one's assessment, first impressions aside. I have learned to set aside my first impressions and hold off my judgement until I have read enough posts by the person and see what their online behavior is like. If the person is a phony or a creep, they'll generally tip their hand sooner or later, no matter how nice they're trying to act. Likewise, someone who comes online and acts completely obnoxious (and we've had our share of those) in order to get attention at first, will start to mellow out after awhile and start evidencing their true nature. As far as friendships go, I'd say yes, online friendships are EVERY bit as real as their non-cyber counterparts. However, I would approach any romantic involvement online with a large shaker of salt (forget the grain!) It takes time to get to know anyone, and just like someone can lie to you in the non-cyber world, they can lie to you online, and online it's a lot easier to cover one's tracks. I should like to think that my online friendships will be for a lifetime. Time will tell whether I am accurate in that assessment.

07-13-2001, 07:03 PM	#6
Reeka Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA Age: 71 Posts: 3,255	We have talked about this quite a bit. I feel that my cyber or on-line frienships are just as valid and real as RL ones. Don't get me wrong, they are different, but I think they are valid. In a way, I liken it to a a long time ago when people were pen pals (except through e-mail and chat the communication is much faster). But people have always communicated and built relationships through different means other than seeing one another. So what do you think about your on-line or cyber friends? ------------------ Order of the Holy Flame Member of Clan HADB

07-13-2001, 07:12 PM	#7
Ramon de Ramon y Ramon Red Dragon Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany Age: 53 Posts: 1,517	Dearest Bilqis, this thread is a bomb waiting to explode which means a) it is surely a very relevant topic, one that had to be raised sooner or later in a setting like this one. b) I am more than wary to answer because the potential to hurt people is almost infinite ... It is too late here now and I am way too tired, but, depending on how things develop, I might come back and post here on one of the next days ... ------------------ So long ! R³ - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks Btw, the cow is queuing in the slaughterhouse right now !

07-13-2001, 08:22 PM	#8
Waluin Avatar Join Date: June 23, 2001 Location: Toledo, OH Posts: 598	Go here: http://www.clanplaid.net Click on the "Gatherings" section. Look for "Waluin"

07-13-2001, 08:57 PM	#9
Cavern Sniffer Elminster Join Date: June 2, 2001 Location: Tucked up in a hole somewhere. Posts: 463	Running the risk of sounding stupid here but what is the link and of what relevance is it. I looked in there but it left me baffled, what's it all about? ------------------ It's bleedin dark down here, slippery too. Man, that's a pisser.

07-13-2001, 09:08 PM	#10
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	A good question to add would be if you were friends in RL with your cyber friends do you think the relationships would remain the same or even last? What makes you believe you can trust your online friends not to gossip to others behind your back with people they know you don't like? Would you believe them if they denied it? I like and have respect for a lot of people I have met online, even some who can't stand me but I seriously doubt that if we ever hooked up in RL that things could or would be the same. I also think that people who "don't like" certain personas they know online might be pleasantly suprised by them in RL and vice versa about the ones they have taken to attaching themselves to. I am editing this to add: I have a few friends I have met online that I have made RL connections with, most I have kept, some just seemed to fizzle when we realized that the interests we share online are limited to the cyberworld. I met my best friend, Rex online and we still endure a close and personal relationship that is filled with fun and laughter after two years of living under the same roof. I also have a friend (in Z's town even ) that I maintain contact with through snail mail. I know if and when we meet in real life that our relationship will remain the same as it is now if not be a closer one since we have learned to love and understand one another in a way that makes us feel like family. After years of keeping in touch online and otherwise, a bond that deep can be counted on to be one that is real. Even better are the childhood and teenage friendships that have been renewed online since we became priveledged enough to become members of the cyberpopulation. It is the same online as it is in the real world...sometimes you click, other times you don't, but at least in RL you have the advantage of getting to know one another on a more personal level rather than making judgements based on simple misunderstandings or personal delusions (for lack of a better term) as to what your online friends are really like. Just my opinion. Moni ------------------ [This message has been edited by Moni (edited 07-14-2001).]

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