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06-09-2001, 09:23 PM
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#1 |
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20th Level Warrior
 Join Date: April 9, 2001
Location: Dallas, Tx, USA
Age: 56
Posts: 2,830
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BEWARE !!!
This was just found, and hints at the evil plans of all cats... Excerpts from a Cat's Diary DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... ------------------  
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06-09-2001, 09:30 PM
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#2 |
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Drizzt Do'Urden
 Join Date: March 3, 2001
Location: Columbus, Ohio USA
Posts: 650
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Oh NO!!! This is too, too funny.
 I can relate to this since we have two cats and a dog and . . . wait a minute. . .you didn't get this diary from OUR house, did you??? Man, don't tell Jessman, he is always saying the darn cat is trying to kill him. ------------------  I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 |
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06-09-2001, 09:36 PM
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#3 |
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Hathor
 Join Date: March 6, 2001
Location: Waxahachie, TX
Age: 61
Posts: 2,201
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I found this in my cat's diary... She is planning on taking over the world - like she does every night - oh sorry, that is Pinky and the Brain... well...
She does plan on making the human race submissive to her will...  ------------------  Defender for the Light - Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!? Wandering Soul - Finding my life's calling is Bodhisattva Looking for lost brain - I left it only for a moment....and there it goes... rolling under the table!! Noticing that the Light has gotten further down a Dark Tunnel than expected... Time to get the Lantern... Knowing sooner or later - I will get to the End of this Tunnel to the Open Air once again... |
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06-09-2001, 09:43 PM
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#4 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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LOL RudeDAwg! Funny!
A preview of the soon to be updated Crazy Cat Lady Page: My Owner's a Crazy Cat Lady!I can prove it too! Look at all these pictures! Here she is with Captain Marmalade, probably having just muttered something stupid to her like "Are you the itty bitty ditty widdy pretty widdle Cap'n?" and Captain is actually enjoying it! We all think it is retarded and hate to hear it, unless of course, it is being said to us personally! Funny the Captain looks so big in Moni's arms..she is barely 8 lbs if that much and the tiniest cat anyone has ever seen, but then too, Moni doesn't even hit 100 lbs lol. I wonder if they have ever considered being a freak show in the circus together!  heh heh heh  Moni  [This message has been edited by Moni (edited 06-09-2001).] |
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06-09-2001, 09:44 PM
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#5 |
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Ironworks Moderator
 Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
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HAHA...RudeDawg? You just figuring this out? LOL
I have seen this passed around the pet newsgroups and my mailing lists. Laugh every time I see it! Thanks! Cloudy, Owned by cats ------------------  Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever "To sleep, perchance to dream..." |
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06-09-2001, 09:47 PM
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#6 | |
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20th Level Warrior
Join Date: April 9, 2001
Location: Dallas, Tx, USA
Age: 56
Posts: 2,830
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Quote:
The truth is...  I don't like cats...  don't hate me, I'm a dog person... ------------------ [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 06-09-2001).] |
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06-09-2001, 09:53 PM
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#7 | |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Quote:
Check out the doghouse in the thread "onthepequod...check this out!"  Moni ------------------
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06-09-2001, 09:55 PM
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#8 |
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Zhentarim Guard
 Join Date: June 4, 2001
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 340
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Cute Moni... and the cat's adorable, as well
"Hey, stop hitting on Moni (she's overflowing with, and isn't afraid of sharing) Love"  ------------------ DawnChaser aka Thanatos (Dispositioner of Souls)  [This message has been edited by DawnChaser (edited 06-09-2001).] [This message has been edited by DawnChaser (edited 06-09-2001).] |
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06-09-2001, 10:00 PM
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#9 | |
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Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
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[quote]Originally posted by RudeDawg:
[B] Quote:
Cloudy, who loves cats AND dogs... ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever "To sleep, perchance to dream..." |
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06-09-2001, 10:04 PM
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#10 | |
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20th Level Warrior
Join Date: April 9, 2001
Location: Dallas, Tx, USA
Age: 56
Posts: 2,830
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Quote:
 ------------------
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