Uses for Gems

[Asphyxiate]

Asphyxiate's Anachronistic Archive, Grimoire of Gems 4:56-70

Innovative uses for gems by evil mages through the ages:

1) Insert into eye sockets of victim cadavers, cast continual light and observe pretty light show at Solstice. Light pipe, put feet up and re-live old memories.

2) Cast delayed fireball centered on a small grouping of water opals. Order Clay Golems to throw from stonghold rooftop at approaching Paladins. Pray they're wearing wooden armour.

3) Invoke the ancient transformation ritual for the ancient Opals of Iron, enlist the help of a couple of gods and forge O-no Hammer +3, Dwarf Thrower. A standard hammer +2, in the hands of a dwarven fighter who knows the appropriate command word, its full potential is realized. In addition to the +3 bonus, the hammer has the following characteristics: The hammer has a 180' range and will cause the dwarf to be thrown like a boomerang. It has a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls. When hurling, the hammer inflicts double damage against all opponents except against the dwarf being thrown. Against him it causes triple damage.

4) Dissolve gems slowly in the intestinal juice of a Gorgon. Add pinch of salt, some sulphur and reduce slowly over heat for a decade. Dilute one part to ten parts in some unholy water, simmer and serve. Delicious served with baked Yuan-Ti and Arctic Wolf souffle for desert.

5) Sell'em! Sell'em! Sell'em! Hoarde ye money well and spend upon ninth level scrolls to hurl gleefully into the fray.

Opinions vary, however - some other stones with a roguish appeal might be essential to complete quests, and I hear that the home of the deranged contains some other peculiar gems that are not what they appear..

Results may vary.