I saw the movie Enough (Slight Spoilers)

[Jerr Conner]

I saw the movie Enough yesterday. Twas good. Could've been better.

Then I had an Aubreyesque Idea last night...This movie needs a sequel.

Not just any sequel. An action-packed kung fu filled sequel!

It's a year later, and J-Lo's character has studied under the greatest Shaolin Monks of our day! One day, as she's heading back to her Hut, she finds it in ramshackles! She finds the dead bodies of all of her teachers with a message on the wall written in their blood: We have your daughter and your lover (Joe). We will kill them in two days, and there is nothing you can do about it!

As she falls to her knees, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she tightly closes her eyes and balls up her fists. Finally, her head faces up to the sky above (Camera) and she screams "ENOUGH!" as her balled fists are shaking in front of her body!

This is when the title, in blood and red flames mind you, slowly marquees across the screen:

<marquee>Enough II: The Legendary Battle of Big-Bootied Waitress VS Drag Queen Gay Ninja Cop!</marquee>

Yes you read that right! This time the antagonist is the guy who played the cop in the last movie! The crooked one, the same actor who plays Dr. Carter on ER. And he wants revenge for his lover's death (The wife-beater in the first movie)! So he has kidnapped BBW's daughter and her lover Joe, the other guy who was on her side in the last movie who happens to be a pre-op transsexual in this sequel! And he plans on sacrificing them to his evil Drag Queen Ninja God, Kracknoth!, in two days time!

The next scenes after that first scene are all ones where BBW fights off very crazy villians with the unlikeliest of fight songs in the background as she forces her way through DQGNC's fortress!

The first fight is against Crazy Redneck Man, and the song is Wynona's Big Brown Beaver by Primus.

Then there's a fight with Emmeril from TV's Food Network, who has to work for DQGNC to appease his broken honor! However, he soon finds that his honor is better served by commiting sepuku rather than finishing off BBW! This is to the song Scotty Doesn't Know by Lustra, an extended version.

The next fight is with a muscle-bound woman called She Who Doesn't Bathe! The song is Love Rollercoaster, the cover version by Red Hot Chili Peppers! This fight will feature lots of unnecessary torn off clothing and a mud-wrestling part! Cause sex sells.

Then the fourth fight is with the song Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N Roses! BBW VS the Lion King! A Half-Man/Half-Lion hybrid created by DQGNC's mystical powers! Because he is in so much pain, though, BBW ends his life quickly while he is down to end his torment and show him mercy!

The fifth and final fight before the big one hour action-packed battle between BBW and DQGNC is BBW VS 200 crazy psycho ninja clowns to the song of Party with the Animals by Ozzy Osbourne, where she literally explodes skulls with her punches and kicks!

Finally, we get to the big fight. Big-Bootied Waitress VS Drag Queen Gay Ninja Cop! 60 minutes of action packed fighting! DQGNC is dressed up in his best blue sequined slitted at the hip dress! As the fight begins, the Mortal Kombat Theme Song plays in the background! Thirty minutes into the fight, it seems that BBW is about to win. She has her foot up against DQGNC's face as she's pulling on one of his arms with all of her might! We're hear a snap as his neck breaks and his arm is dislocated and torn from his body! DQGNC's body slumps to the ground as ridiculous amonts of blood spray onto BBW! But, oh no! All of a sudden he's rising! Like Gemma from Ninja Scroll, he can control every nerve in his body and needs no spinal chord! To illustrate, he rips out his own spinal chord and begins beating BBW with it! Then the fight commences more as he uses his own spine as a weapon, and BBW uses his arm as a club!

Finally, out of nowhere they both have katanas and a swordfight commences that would put Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to shame! After a twenty minute sword fight, BBW manages to chop off DQGNC's other arm! DQGNC manages to disarm BBW from her sword with a kick! It looks like he has her against a wall and he's beating on her relentlessy! She still has a trump card, though: The Testicle-Exploding Dragon Kick-Punch Combination! In a series of moves that would obviously leave many openings for DQGNC to exploit, but he's too busy watching her to do as such, BBQ performs the TEDKPC upon DQGNC! With a chorus of shrill girlish wails, DQGNC falls on his knees! BBW picks up her katana and chops off both of his legs, then his torso and head into pieces!

The last 10 minutes of the movie, we see her saving her child and pre-op transsexual lover from the sacrifice, and then them walking off into the sunset. But wait...DQGNC had a son! And he's BBW's daughter's age and wants vengeance! Looks like there could be another sequel!

[Sir Degrader]

You have spent far to much time thinking this up.

[Jerr Conner]

MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now... to get J-Lo and the guy who plays Dr. Carter on ER so drunk that they'll sign a contract saying if they do not make this movie their next of kin will be sacrificed to me and I will get five millions dollars!

[ 02-07-2005, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Jerr Conner ]

[Dace De'Briago]

I think J-Lo needs a movie with a decent plot like this to kick-start her career.

[Jerr Conner]

Did I forget to mention that the credits are a blooper reel?

[Sir Degrader]

I don't think you need to. This movie is headed for number one on the AFI top 100 film list. Or IMDB's bottom 250.

[Jerr Conner]

AFI?

[Sir Degrader]

American Film Institute.

[Jerr Conner]

Ah ok.