A story i wrote (pretty long)

[shadowhound]

Shadow silently looked down at the dead ranger lying in the middle of the path. The ranger had not been a problem, he didn’t even know what happened. He had been checking to make sure that the path was cleared of any obstacles that may have occurred during the winter when Grunt cleaved through his head with his giant axe. Shadow silently shook his head, wishing that they had not been reduced to using such amateur techniques.

He remembered when he led a large group of thieves, when he was respected and feared, possibly the most feared half-elf in the land. They used to thrive on food and gold from raids on small villages and wagons. But then the Duke led his campaign of clearing the woods of thieves. They had taken the camp by surprise, killing the watchmen and slaying many thieves, now the thieves were spread out in small groups, battling for survival.

The sound of an approaching wagon snapped Shadow back to the present. He looked to make sure that his four companions were ready, Grunt was crouched low in a trench by the side of the road holding onto his giant axe. He was a half-orc and Shadow could still remember when he first wandered into camp, killing two of the guards and offering their heads to Shadow, Grunt had earned his name by not being able to speak any known language (this did not stop him from making people understand him, which usually involves the use of his axe).

Crouched under the tree in which Shadow sat, VanCover kneeled behind a bush with his spear at the ready, he used to be a soldier in the dukes army until they caught him selling secrets to the enemy. He was the only guard on watch that survived the Dukes surprise attack and Shadow had no trust for him.

Further up the trail, squatting behind a log Annicus held his crossbow cocked and ready. He was the only hobbit in Shadows thief group and had received a lot of jokes and sarcasm from other thieves, but his sense of humour soon won them over and made him many allies. He was an excellent knife fighter and not a bad shot with the crossbow.

The fourth and final thief who escaped the massacre with Shadow sat beside him in the tree. She was known only as Ice due to her ability to turn away anybody making a move on her, in lust or hate. She was a deadly assassin and incredible beautiful as are most elves. Ice quickly looked at Shadow and nodded her head wishing him luck, Shadow nodded back.

The wagon trundled down the bumpy path, a poorly made wagon it did not promise much, but by now the thieves were willing to take the risk for a good meal. The driver of the cart suddenly pulled the reigns and paled noticeably when he saw the ranger on the road, Shadow drew back the bow and waited. Someone yelled and a well armed guard jumped out of the caravan to check the body, Shadow loosened the arrow and smiled in satisfaction as it suck into the guards neck.

With a yell Grunt and VanCover leapt out from the hiding places, killed the two remaining guards and checked the back. The driver jumped onto one of the horses and took off, only to be cut down by a bolt shot by Annicus. Grunt suddenly smashed the side of the wagon with his axe, VanCover looked up at where Shadow sat and yelled “Its empty, there is bloody nothing here”. Suddenly it dawned on Shadow, a lot of small things he would have noticed if he wasn’t so desperate. The quality of the horses, the fact they had a well armed guard, the clean shaven and well fed driver. He yelled “Get out, it’s a trap” but it was too late. Twenty of the Dukes best men charged down the road lances levelled. Grunt dived off the road but VanCover was too slow, the last image Shadow had of him was VanCover being dragged along the ground with a lance in his shoulder, another in the right side of his stomach and one through his leg.

Shadow and Ice dived out of the tree and started running down towards where they were meant to meet. They could only wait for the survivors for a short while, not wanting to risk their own lives. Annicus came running out of the bushes almost getting decapitated by the startled Ice. Grunt could not have surprised anybody, he could be heard crashing through the bush long before he arrived. When he arrived Shadow could see the many wounds that he had received while battling the knights.

Suddenly Grunt fell forward and Shadow saw the many arrows in his back, and the bolt protruding from the back of his skull that finally killed him. Shadow looked up the path and gasped, there stood the Dukes right hand man, Shikover but most knew him by the name of Exodemus (The Bringer Of Death), he was feared by all of the enemies of the Duke, most assassins refuse to try to kill the Duke because of him.

Exodemus dropped his crossbow and charged forward on his horse followed by a group of hand chosen men. Shadow, Ice and Annicus all looked at each other and nodded, acknowledging how much they each respected each other before starting to run again, weaving between trees, trying to outmanoeuvre the riders but Annicus had a disadvantage due to his hobbit size and stature and he was quickly cut down by a riders long sword.

A tear ran down Shadows face at the loss of the loved hobbit, he remembered the times when Annicus kept many mutinies in the camp under control with his humour and smile. His attention was quickly bought back to the present when an arrow thudded into a tree as he ran past it. Suddenly the land ended and Shadow almost fell off the cliff to his doom, but he was caught by Ice. Exodemus calmly walked down the path “you have led us on a long chase thieves, but now it shall end, but before I kill someone I like to know what there name is, so do tell me who do I have the honour of killing today?” Shadow stepped forward “I am Shadow and I wish we could meet under different circumstances, I hate to kill someone with such good manners”.

“And who is your friend?” asked Exodemus. Shadow opened his mouth to answer but Ice cut him off “I am Ice you would be best to remember it because it is the name of your doom.” Shadow and Ice stood on the edge of the cliff together with their swords drawn as Exodemus drew his sword and stepped forward. Ice lunged forward and slashed down with her sword only to be parried and sent stumbling back to avoid being decapitated. Shadows attack was also parried, but Ice dived forward and sunk her dagger into Exodemus’ shoulder. Exodemus laughed, “You think a dagger will stop me?” “No but the poison it is coated in will”.

A look of pure anger passed across Exodemis’ face, “If I am to die, I will take you both with me.” With no warning he dived forward and threw himself, Shadow and Ice off the cliff.

To this day many people say that if you pass through Gold-Leaf woods you can still see the two loving thieves running from their doom.

[/)eathKiller]

WHOAH! that was AWESOME!!! I love FanFics like that!! i got a fanfic too, actually a few 30 or so, ertr anyway, the one im currently working on tkaes up 2 board pages (the last one finished at about page 33) and umm they're more like EPICS than stories lol... I admire people who sit down, write, and dont get up until their finished though, I wish i could make things simple and sweet like yours... you can even put in MORALS and Side-Concept proofs err whatever into a story like that, none of mine are like that at all i should train to be a better short story writer like you! Some day I hope to reach your level... Its good, damn good, btw. I like how you ended it... [img]smile.gif[/img] my endings are always full of death and stuff and dont usually have a point to prove except that there is a ballance between good and evil :/ darn theme i can't get away from it...

[shadowhound]

Holy S**t, not only did someone actually bother to read that thing, but i got a complament well thats a first. "i should train to be a better short story writer like you! Some day I hope to reach your level." Well thats something i never thought i would hear anyone say. Train to become like me??? geez i sat down because i was bored, thats worrying.
"I like how you ended it." well i am glad you do, i was dissapointed by it. It was realy the only thing i could come up with that would realy fit.

"my endings are always full of death and stuff and dont usually have a point to prove except that there is a ballance between good and evil :/ darn theme i can't get away from it."
I refuse to write about good and evil, i find it predictable, besides i like the bad guys

PS there is nothing wrong with blood and death in stories

[Legolas]

I think it's a rather good story you wrote there. Without using too many words, you manage to paint quite realistic surroundings, but what I think you do really well is bringing the characters to live. I believe it's more than just having a bunch of completely different characters (elf, orc, halfling etc.) with more or less logical names (e.g. Grunt for the half-orc). Personally, I find keeping the characters real one of the most difficult things in writing the longer stories. Even though they are rather superficial and without an in-depth background, you manage to portray them well.
As for the story itself, you start out well, catching a reader's attention almost immediately. Then comes a bit of nessecary history, which deducts from the overall telling. The main events are once again done quite vividly, if a little hurried at times. The ending, in addition with the history part, make me think this story would do better as part of a larger tale, where you'd do the backgrounds in advance and have a purpose for this encounter. Maybe shadow escapes in that tale, alternatively he survives the fall where everyone else thinks he's dead, and returns to somewhere to do something, maybe Exodemus was the main character afterall and does not fall to his death but ís poisoned, though the poison would be slow-acting.
In the latter case, you could have any number of scenarios, in some this final encounter might have been the main event in the story, in others it's an unfortunate happening where the duke or some other schemer at court) sent him out on this quest and his injuries slow his strugle against a greater something, and so on.
On it's own, it's a good story. As part of a whole, I think it'd be even better. In any case, you've certainly got the imagination it takes to write a decent story.

[ 04-16-2002, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: Legolas ]