Before you start this year's buying frenzy

[VulcanRider]

take a second and think about this. This is from another forum I read. I've met the author, and he gave me permission to share it. He talks with families dealing with terminal illness / severe trauma about organ donation.

As we come to a season of thanks and of giving (and of receiving), I'm once again reminded of what is ultimately important and what is not. And of course, I'm more than happy to share that reminder with each of you ;c) So here goes. Take it or leave it, but I suggest that you take it: In my work, I have literally been present for (or present directly after) hundreds of deaths. I have listened to those who were terminal and/or actively dying talk about what was important. I have listened to the families of those dying or having already died and heard their laments over many things--and their celebrations of many other "things". With ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS, I have heard no one celebrate ownership of cars or motorcycles or homes or jobs/positions or anything that can be bought--NOR have I heard anyone lament over not getting a promotion or having a great car/bike/house/airplane/etc. The closest thing to that kind of "material-goods lament" I ever heard was a man who had built his wife the house she longed for but had only built it a couple of years before her death. Seems he had the means all along and he was sad that he hadn't given her that pleasure years before. Even that lone "material" lament had to do with making another happy. EVERY lament has been over broken relationships or relationships that were stunted for some reason such as not investing time or self or effort to make them grow. Along those lines, every celebration has been about relationships and time spent together and the value of knowing and loving others. Don't get me wrong, I understand that some relationships cannot be--or at least cannot be good. Some things are outside our ability to repair or create. [Other forum members] posted about saying we are sorry when appropriate and about forgiving and letting go no matter what has happened and no matter who was at fault. When a relationship cannot be salvaged, at least we can set ourselves free by forgiving and letting go. According to what I have seen, heard, and been told by those experiencing their death or the death of a loved one, these "experts" have taught me that NOTHING matters in a life lived except relationships in three overlapping arenas--relationship to self, to others, and to God. That said, when each of us comes to our end, I promise each of us will be still sorting our relationships--lamenting what was not done and celebrating what was accomplished. It is inevitable that we will leave something undone and unaccomplished in our lives lived, but the more real and honest and close our relationships are--the less we (and they) will be lamenting and the more we all will be celebrating. Remember, as we spend time with those we love (and even some we can hardly abide) this holiday season, we have the power to live our lives (relationally) in such a way that we--and others--have the least possible pain at the time of our passing. A good life, lived with a mindfulness of its sweetness and brevity--and, of course, of the power of relationships--will foster a good death. What more could we ask in this life?

So, before whipping out the plastic, try to think of ways to spend time with someone instead of money on them...

[SpiritWarrior]

Originally Posted by VulcanRider take a second and think about this. This is from another forum I read. I've met the author, and he gave me permission to share it. He talks with families dealing with terminal illness / severe trauma about organ donation. So, before whipping out the plastic, try to think of ways to spend time with someone instead of money on them...

It's true in many ways. While material stuff is nice and certainly does its part to enhance relationships and the "quality of life" stats, it is not the end of all things. At such an end, it is the impressions of relationships that stay with us, for good or ill. Thoughtful article.

Now where's my discount HD flatscreen at?

[Cerek]

Great article, VulcanRider. Thanks for sharing that.

I don't have to worry about whipping out the plastic since I don't have a credit card. I do use a debit card, check or cash to pay as I go and I've already finished the bulk of my Christmas shopping (before Black Friday began).

I learned many years ago - through hardship - that material things don't matter. They are nice, but they are not important.

When I was in college, my family went through a very difficult period. We lived in a log cabin for a couple of years. Not the summer-home chateau'-type log cabin, but an honest-to-God log cabin complete with mud used for insulation between the logs and a leather strap for a doorknob.

During my marriage, my boys were always the most important thing in my life and I have always treasured spending time with them over anything else. That became even more true after my divorce. I treasured my wife and time with her as well, but as the years passed, it became obvious the feeling wasn't mutual. We had nothing in common (except for the children) and she was unfaithful. I had always given her anything she had asked for (as long as we could afford it and sometimes even if we couldn't), but that still didn't make her happy.

My dad became terminally ill very shortly after the separation and died only a few months after the divorce became final. He had a long-standing bitterness towards his own family because of a horrible betrayal done to him by them. He had not spoken to any of them in over 10 years, but at the end, they all realized how much damage had been done to the family over the act. Forgiveness was asked for and given and three of his sisters were by his side when he passed away.

In addition to this, I have come very close to dying twice myself; once in 1997 and again in 2008. I fully realize, perhaps more than most, just how fleeting life really is. So I spend as much time as I can with my boys, doing as many things as possible with them.

I've also gone close to three years without a full time job, but I've used that time to pursue - and realize - a dream of becoming a teacher. I have my first steady paycheck in two years (even if it IS still just part time) and finally have a career I can happily spend the rest of my life in.

It may seem odd, after all this, that I am not the type of person to sit down and list the things I am thankful for each year. I DO have a lot to be thankful for to be sure: three handsome boys that are the joy of my life, a wonderful mother, a great job that I thoroughly enjoy and a gracious God that has blessed me more than I could ever deserve. But still, Thanksgiving at our house is a minor affair. We used to celebrate with my maternal grandmother every year, but she also passed away in 2008 and - since then - mom and I just happy to have a simple meal and lots of time with the boys.

[Ziroc]

I feel the same way... I hear about people skipping Thanksgiving JUST to be in line at best buy a day early and sleep there, JUST to get a 'deal' on some generic brand TV & VCR combo... lol.. I don't get that..

IMO, no deal, or material crap at a store is worth more than spending time with Family at the Holidays when everyone's together... That is what brought our economy down--material possessions, and living outside ones means....

Time to get back to what matters... PEOPLE.

[Hayashi]

Unfortunately we think that material objects are keys to happiness. It's good to be reminded every now and then that perhaps the most precious gift we can give is our time and company.

Last Thu I drove my wife, sister-in-law and parents-in-law (who are all visiting) across the border into Malaysia to see our cousin's mother (Ah Ma) whom my in-laws have not seen for many years. Ah Ma is 90 years old, frail and hard of hearing but otherwise in good health. However due to her frailty she stays at home most of the time, with only a maid for company.

I was initially reluctant to act as chauffeur as the drive is quite long by our standards - about 200+ km each way across the border. It takes about 2 - 3 hours driving even if we use the highway. We got there about 11 am, had a chat and the brought her to a nearby restaurant for lunch before heading back to Singapore.

I can say that the effort was worth it. The happiness that Ah Ma showed was evident and when we got home our cousin called us and told us that having our company just for that few hours made her day.