11-05-2001, 10:41 AM | #1 |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. My stigmata's acting up. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. I prefer to remain an enigma. My step other has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
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11-05-2001, 12:21 PM | #2 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: August 31, 2001
Location: Land of the Britons
Age: 37
Posts: 3,224
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Ha ha ha lol [img]smile.gif[/img] I just knew as soon as I saw the name Arvon that it was going to be a joke.
Where do you keep getting all these funny things from?????
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Resident cantankerous sorcerer of the Clan HADB<br />and Sorcerous Nuttella salesman of the O.R.T<br /> <br /><br />Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny! Can I drill you about this? |
11-05-2001, 12:47 PM | #3 |
Lord Soth
Join Date: March 5, 2001
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,948
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Great post!! I love the time loop one.
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\"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.\"<br />-General George Patton (1885-1945)<br /> <br />Member of CLAN HADB<br />Founder of The Anti Clan Coalition |
11-05-2001, 05:03 PM | #4 |
Silver Dragon
Join Date: March 14, 2001
Location: Agharti. Mountains of Madness
Posts: 1,673
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Hee hee i liked this post a lot, hee.......hee. Ill have to kill you all now, just so you know, hee hee.
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<br /><br />Non Serviam. |
11-05-2001, 06:02 PM | #5 |
Red Dragon
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Long Beach, CA. USA
Age: 67
Posts: 1,589
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Ya know, you really shouldn't give people ideas that get their imaginations going [img]smile.gif[/img]
After I read this the first thing that popped into my head was; "What do you mean I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was sitting right here at my desk working my rear end off. I even closed several very important accounts. Or maybe I just slept all day and dreamed that I was at work". |
11-05-2001, 07:21 PM | #6 |
Avatar
Join Date: June 15, 2001
Location: Virginia, USA
Age: 43
Posts: 543
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quote: Wow!! I thought I was the only one who had ever used that excuse! Go figure
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wHiTe MoOn\'S HoT...tHe OtHeR SiDe\'S NoT |
11-05-2001, 07:44 PM | #7 |
Ironworks Atomic Moderator
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
Age: 57
Posts: 9,005
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I remember a looong time ago I worked at this office, and there was this guy that worked there, named "Darby". He played bass guitar in a band on the side. He called in absent from work more than any human on this earth LOL. Would, though, get all his previous "excuses" mixed up at times. I know, cause I used to answer the phones then, so I was the one who took his calls and relayed them to his boss. One he used frequently LOL, was:
*I have had a terrible morning. Went outside in the freezing cold winter to get the morning paper, and the door closed behind me, and I could not get back inside my house. Just wrapped in a towel! Neighbors took me in after I kept knocking at their door. Had to call a locksmith but I don't have much money to pay for one. So I have a friend I know who can do it, will show up at my house he says around 2:00 or 3:00pm, so most likely, I won't be in today. Man this sucks!* [img]tongue.gif[/img] Got lots of laughs from that guy.. [ 11-05-2001: Message edited by: ladyzekke ] |
11-05-2001, 08:51 PM | #8 |
Elminster
Join Date: April 28, 2001
Location: Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA
Posts: 490
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"The doctor gave me some new medications yesterday. Unfortunately, one causes diahrea and the other causes a cough. It's a heck of a mess."
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Gaelic |
11-05-2001, 09:21 PM | #9 |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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quote:This one really goes with my sense of humor...good one!!
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11-06-2001, 12:57 AM | #10 |
Red Dragon
Join Date: March 3, 2001
Location: Scotch College, Melbourne
Posts: 1,503
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I Prefer to Remain an Enigma!
hahahahahhah!
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\'Cause its always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said.. |
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