Charlies Shop of Shite is Open.. ITEM SPOILERS - Page 7

Charlie · 02-03-2001, 02:48 PM

Turbovee.

Thanks for showing an interest in your own previously owned and totally shite potions. I would describe them in some detail under normal circumstances but seeing as you know them better than I, it is a chore that I shall pass over on this occasion. Obviously I will only add a very small percentage to the already over-inflated and ludicrously outrageous asking price for this privilege. I shall make this up at random when the mood takes me. I note with extreme and heartfelt insincerity, bordering on the f*****g hilarious in fact, that your little heart has been broken...you must feel like shite. Well, you've come to the right place because I've got loads of it...some of it yours as previously mentioned. I'm doing a line in totally shite and useless hearts at the moment. Seeing as you feel so bad and are desperately in need of one I am once again going to jack the price up beyond the bounds of all reasonable behaviour.

Please come back to me with any offer you think is incredibly stupid enough for me to consider. As your own heart is broken and therefore is by definition a completely shite item I may consider taking it in part exchange for one of my own exorbitantly priced and equally shite already broken hearts.

Honest Charlies...where quality counts for absolutely f**k all.

turbovee · 02-03-2001, 04:59 PM

Maybe since I'm not a Ranger and can't find that stupid treasure that jackass Tombelthen left half a note for, maybe you have the other half and I can get my damn potions back. OR HOW 'BOUT SOME OF THE BREW I WAS GOING TO MAKE WITH THAT POTION HUH? HUH? it has a really good kick!

Charlie · 02-03-2001, 06:01 PM

Ok Turbovee, you got yourself a deal...almost.

Unfortunately the container your completely shite potion was in was not shock proof and didn't withstand the baseball match between the gnomes and trolls. Don't worry, the gnomes weren't shock proof either and are in similar condition to the container. I see a new loofah line in the making already. Anyhow, the completely shite potion is in the exact same shite state as before, only containerless and spread all over the shop floor and ceiling.

I had thought to mop it up but the new shite mop line that we're doing is as you may guess....totally shite and completely unsuited to the job in hand. A gnomes head stuffed onto a staff just doesn't quite have the absorpency required to deal with such.. errr spillages.

Obviously, this mess that your shite potion has caused has, as you should have already guessed, incurred costs of biblical proportions and I shall keep the other shite potion and the aforementioned shite items as offered by yourself in compensation.

Please feel free to drop by and scrape up your previously owned and now very kindly returned by us shite potion at any time. Storage costs are accrued by the hour incidentally.

turbovee · 02-03-2001, 06:08 PM

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will have to work for Galvena for awhile to pay you off unless you want to buy me from Galvena and you can be my pimp until I pay off the debt

Charlie · 02-03-2001, 06:13 PM

Turbovee.

Are you totally shite and completely useless at what you do? If so I'll consider your poor offer and work out the rent and rates that you will have to pay for this incredibly shite privilege.

turbovee · 02-03-2001, 06:19 PM

Of course, I wouldn't have made the offer if I wasn't shite. I will do you proud and be as completely shite as I can to live up to the shite standards you have so impressively established there. BTW that brew was shite due to the shiteiness (if that a word?) of my shite potion.

Ladyzekke · 02-03-2001, 06:33 PM

Oh, I feel bad for you Turbovee. What a shite deal. Tell you what, I'll offer you a few dead sword spiders from my basement to help you pay off your debt. I'll also throw in a very colorful bowl of unrecognizable shite that has been in my fridge for about six months, anything that has that many spores should count for something. Waddaya think Charlie?

Cloudbringer · 02-03-2001, 06:42 PM

Gee, I'd like to help too, turbovee. Let's see, I can add this worthless Mask I found in some dead king's dungeon and forgot to take off , it's fully unassembled in 6 useless pieces.

Charlie · 02-03-2001, 06:50 PM

Sylent.

Your request is not strange in the least. The strangest thing was having the audacity to offer a completely functional and therefore not in the least bit shite item in payment. Cut the base from the gem bag and your payment method will, at least in theory, possibly be considered. The brawling hands and as much other old tat that you can muster will, after the piss has been ripped from it be considered also...but I doubt it.

Heavy gems we have in abundance. Each one as light as the lightest of feathers and therefore as heavy gems go are completely one hundred percent shite, both in the form and the function of the item they purport to be. Fantastically poor quality lightweight heavy gems.

Because of your previously mentioned crass stupidity I sent Olly the unbelievably witless and immensely dyslexic ogre to pick up some one ton gems for you. There is now a one ton bag of smeg awaiting your collection at our store. Please see earlier posts regarding storage costs.

Unfortunately we can offer no advice on cleaning the dust we sell, save blowing off any foreign bodies that may accumulate with an industrial sized fan.

The art of shite dust collection is as old as the hills and women everywhere love to collect dust, particularly in the spring. You'll often see them with their feather dusters lovingly collecting dust particles to put in their dust collections to be admired at a later date.

It's unusual to have a bloke indulge in this shite pastime and begs the question have you been taking our male hormone treatment which often..in fact always, results in the production of immense but completely useless mammaries with the added but often unwanted desire to collect bucket loads of dust.

Lord of Alcohol · 02-03-2001, 06:59 PM

Hey Charlie, I dont suppose you serve food do you? If so I'd like to order a pizza for delivery. Large-pepperoni, sausage,onions,Ilithid serum, and double extra contaminated tadpoles. I'd also give a thought to anything you might have on special. Thanks, will it be here in 30 minutes?

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02-03-2001, 02:48 PM	#61
Charlie Lord Ao Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 30 Posts: 2,021	Turbovee. Thanks for showing an interest in your own previously owned and totally shite potions. I would describe them in some detail under normal circumstances but seeing as you know them better than I, it is a chore that I shall pass over on this occasion. Obviously I will only add a very small percentage to the already over-inflated and ludicrously outrageous asking price for this privilege. I shall make this up at random when the mood takes me. I note with extreme and heartfelt insincerity, bordering on the f***g hilarious in fact, that your little heart has been broken...you must feel like shite. Well, you've come to the right place because I've got loads of it...some of it yours as previously mentioned. I'm doing a line in totally shite and useless hearts at the moment. Seeing as you feel so bad and are desperately in need of one I am once again going to jack the price up beyond the bounds of all reasonable behaviour. Please come back to me with any offer you think is incredibly stupid enough for me to consider. As your own heart is broken and therefore is by definition a completely shite item I may consider taking it in part exchange for one of my own exorbitantly priced and equally shite already broken hearts. Honest Charlies...where quality counts for absolutely fk all.

02-03-2001, 04:59 PM	#62
turbovee Elminster Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Eglin AFB Florida Posts: 471	Maybe since I'm not a Ranger and can't find that stupid treasure that jackass Tombelthen left half a note for, maybe you have the other half and I can get my damn potions back. OR HOW 'BOUT SOME OF THE BREW I WAS GOING TO MAKE WITH THAT POTION HUH? HUH? it has a really good kick!

02-03-2001, 06:01 PM	#63
Charlie Lord Ao Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 30 Posts: 2,021	Ok Turbovee, you got yourself a deal...almost. Unfortunately the container your completely shite potion was in was not shock proof and didn't withstand the baseball match between the gnomes and trolls. Don't worry, the gnomes weren't shock proof either and are in similar condition to the container. I see a new loofah line in the making already. Anyhow, the completely shite potion is in the exact same shite state as before, only containerless and spread all over the shop floor and ceiling. I had thought to mop it up but the new shite mop line that we're doing is as you may guess....totally shite and completely unsuited to the job in hand. A gnomes head stuffed onto a staff just doesn't quite have the absorpency required to deal with such.. errr spillages. Obviously, this mess that your shite potion has caused has, as you should have already guessed, incurred costs of biblical proportions and I shall keep the other shite potion and the aforementioned shite items as offered by yourself in compensation. Please feel free to drop by and scrape up your previously owned and now very kindly returned by us shite potion at any time. Storage costs are accrued by the hour incidentally.

02-03-2001, 06:08 PM	#64
turbovee Elminster Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Eglin AFB Florida Posts: 471	SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will have to work for Galvena for awhile to pay you off unless you want to buy me from Galvena and you can be my pimp until I pay off the debt

02-03-2001, 06:13 PM	#65
Charlie Lord Ao Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 30 Posts: 2,021	Turbovee. Are you totally shite and completely useless at what you do? If so I'll consider your poor offer and work out the rent and rates that you will have to pay for this incredibly shite privilege.

02-03-2001, 06:19 PM	#66
turbovee Elminster Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Eglin AFB Florida Posts: 471	Of course, I wouldn't have made the offer if I wasn't shite. I will do you proud and be as completely shite as I can to live up to the shite standards you have so impressively established there. BTW that brew was shite due to the shiteiness (if that a word?) of my shite potion.

02-03-2001, 06:33 PM	#67
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Oh, I feel bad for you Turbovee. What a shite deal. Tell you what, I'll offer you a few dead sword spiders from my basement to help you pay off your debt. I'll also throw in a very colorful bowl of unrecognizable shite that has been in my fridge for about six months, anything that has that many spores should count for something. Waddaya think Charlie?

02-03-2001, 06:42 PM	#68
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	Gee, I'd like to help too, turbovee. Let's see, I can add this worthless Mask I found in some dead king's dungeon and forgot to take off , it's fully unassembled in 6 useless pieces.

02-03-2001, 06:50 PM	#69
Charlie Lord Ao Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 30 Posts: 2,021	Sylent. Your request is not strange in the least. The strangest thing was having the audacity to offer a completely functional and therefore not in the least bit shite item in payment. Cut the base from the gem bag and your payment method will, at least in theory, possibly be considered. The brawling hands and as much other old tat that you can muster will, after the piss has been ripped from it be considered also...but I doubt it. Heavy gems we have in abundance. Each one as light as the lightest of feathers and therefore as heavy gems go are completely one hundred percent shite, both in the form and the function of the item they purport to be. Fantastically poor quality lightweight heavy gems. Because of your previously mentioned crass stupidity I sent Olly the unbelievably witless and immensely dyslexic ogre to pick up some one ton gems for you. There is now a one ton bag of smeg awaiting your collection at our store. Please see earlier posts regarding storage costs. Unfortunately we can offer no advice on cleaning the dust we sell, save blowing off any foreign bodies that may accumulate with an industrial sized fan. The art of shite dust collection is as old as the hills and women everywhere love to collect dust, particularly in the spring. You'll often see them with their feather dusters lovingly collecting dust particles to put in their dust collections to be admired at a later date. It's unusual to have a bloke indulge in this shite pastime and begs the question have you been taking our male hormone treatment which often..in fact always, results in the production of immense but completely useless mammaries with the added but often unwanted desire to collect bucket loads of dust.

02-03-2001, 06:59 PM	#70
Lord of Alcohol Xanathar Thieves Guild Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Charlotte,NC Age: 60 Posts: 4,570	Hey Charlie, I dont suppose you serve food do you? If so I'd like to order a pizza for delivery. Large-pepperoni, sausage,onions,Ilithid serum, and double extra contaminated tadpoles. I'd also give a thought to anything you might have on special. Thanks, will it be here in 30 minutes?

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