I Have Been Utterly Humiliated - Page 4

turbovee · 05-10-2001, 02:08 AM

Onthepequod - forgive my absent mindedness. I read that book many ages ago and I remember the Pequod. I just didn't make the connection, man do I fell stupid

oh well, another beer should help me get over that! cheers to you brother.

------------------

The sexiest elf mage in the land
I feel the need, the need for SPEED!
Peace and hair grease

onthepequod · 05-10-2001, 02:14 AM

RudeDawg,

My condolences to you and your family.

onthepequod · 05-10-2001, 02:16 AM

Turbovee,

No need to feel stupid, you had no way of knowing what connection I was trying to make. I thought it was a good question.

Father Bronze · 05-10-2001, 09:11 AM

Ah children. I have to admit that I have given up trying to keep any sennse of dignity. The best is potty training.

The other day I was changing my daughter's diaper in a public restroom (one of those without a changing table -- why businesses are so sexist as to only put changing tables in the women's room . . . like guys never change a diaper?) Anyway half-way through the changing process, she decides to pee. Rather than freak out and scream, I said "Good job. You're going pee!" (positive reinforcement, helping her to become aware of what her body is doing) and calmly placed her on the toilet -- all the while maintaining an encouraging positive tone, urine dripping from my fingers. Just doing my job in trying to make potty training a postive rather than a scary exeperience. Of course I would rather have freaked, but then what would my daughter think . . . "I pee and Daddy freaks. Better pee in diapers my whole life and make Daddy happy."

Let's just say that I thought I was a patient person. Then I had kids.

And don't worry about trying to compete with Norm. The man is a god. I almost died of shock the day he used a hand saw.

------------------

Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

Throntar · 05-10-2001, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by onthepequod:
On the way home tonight I stopped by HomeDepot and "GOT ME A BOARD."
It wuz a purty board an I wuz gunna do some uv that wood cuttin stuff ol' Normy does on PBS.

Then, out of the blue, my wife yells down to my shop; "honey could you come here and do a favor for me?" Being the dutiful husband I like to think that I am, I answered; "absolutely!" She then advised me the project would take 5 to 10 minutes. This didn't shake my resolve in the least and I said; "that's alright."

When I reached the living room, where my pregnant wife was reclining, she asked (with big eyelashes batting over her big green eyes); "would you please paint my toenails?" Without skipping a beat I answered; "huh?!?"

For those of you who are unaware, there comes a point during pregnancy when women can no longer reach their feet.

At this point I realized all was not a total loss an told her; "I would be happy to paint your toenails." However, my wife, who obviously knows me too well, said; "You can't play around. No drawing pictures on my toes. And you must stay on the toenail." Now all was a total loss.

So I painted her nails to the best of my ability, which is somewhere near median grade school quality.

Well, at least I still had my board. But as I headed back to my shop, with my tattered manly dignity barely intact, she said; "could you do one more favor before you go downstairs?" At this point I made a rookie move and turned to look at her as I answered. And there she was, still reclined, looking pregnant and helpless, with eyelashes batting. At this point I took my dignity firmly in hand and told her exactly what she could do with her requests. "Sure." I answered.

"Would you please put lavender lotion and rose scented talcum powder on my feet?" she asked. So I did as she requested and prepared her feet, as close to her specifications as I am capable, for her night out at a baby shower.

BTW, guys did you know that applying talcum powder, before lotion is dry, produces a paste that is not easily removed? I didn't. Do now!

To make a long story short, my manly dignity is no longer in tact and I am about ready to bequeath my shop tools and machinery to someone more worthy.

My humiliation runs deep!

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-09-2001).]

I know I'm a little late jumping in here, but...

LMAO! Hilarious! I was in your very same spot a mere 3 months ago. My new daughter is 10 weeks old now and crabby as hell most of the time. Although I can kind of understand that as if I crapped and puked on myself all day long, I'd be crabby too (kind of reminds me of my college days...ahh...the memories). You're in for a real treat! Enjoy them while you can because they (the baby) change every day (usually the wives change too, but that's a whole 'nother thread.)

.

BTW, I'm in the market for both a band saw and a table saw.

------------------

Now where did I leave that doughnut?!

onthepequod · 05-10-2001, 10:43 AM

Congrats, Throntar!

Ooo! Ooo! Bandsaw?!? Tablesaw?!? I don’t have a bandsaw myself but so far have not been disappointed by the Jet equipment I have purchased. As for a tablesaw, I do have an opinion.

I own a 3 h.p. 10 inch left tilting cabinetmaker’s tablesaw and love it, even Hard Maple cuts like butter. While I think Jet, Delta, and Powermatic (of course there are better but then you’re talking real $$$) are close in quality I would recommend going for a cabinet maker’s saw based on closer tolerances for greater accuracy, increased horsepower, and machine longevity. Of course those who are truly talented can turn out excellent work on whatever machine they have.

Father Bronze,

Ah yes, Patience, a virtue normally possessed only by those without children. Hey, if you know of any place I could pick up some of this scarce commodity, please let me know.

Sir Taliesin · 05-10-2001, 01:38 PM

Patience comes with the territory. When you see your new son a switch will be flipped somewhere in your brain and you will have all the patience in the world.
Mom on the other hand will probably be the opposite. Especially with you. Watch
out and good luck.

------------------
Sir Taliesin

If they take my gun can I still use my Claymore?

onthepequod · 05-10-2001, 03:08 PM

An amusing recollection just hit me. And since we’ve been discussing pregnancy and parenthood here, I thought I would share.

When my wife first discovered she was pregnant, she didn’t approach me and say “guess what!” or “I have good news!” or even “how would you like to be a father?” Instead she walked straight up to me, without warning what so ever, and with a wry little smile on her face said; “you’re a BAD, BAD man!”

Several months later I still crack a smile when I think of it.

05-10-2001, 03:11 PM

Oh! That is toooooo Funny!
Thank you for sharing that!

Moni

------------------

Wah · 05-10-2001, 03:36 PM

LOL, yes I totally agree!

(Aw no, gotta run guys, the batting eyelids patrol and the pouty lips brigade is on my tail - fast!)

Estimated Speed: 300 blinks per second
Estimated Poutiness: No Data Confirmed

------------------

Greetings Mortals. My Name Is Wah, Arch Lich Wah.

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05-10-2001, 02:08 AM	#31
turbovee Elminster Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Eglin AFB Florida Posts: 471	Onthepequod - forgive my absent mindedness. I read that book many ages ago and I remember the Pequod. I just didn't make the connection, man do I fell stupid oh well, another beer should help me get over that! cheers to you brother. ------------------ The sexiest elf mage in the land I feel the need, the need for SPEED! Peace and hair grease

05-10-2001, 02:14 AM	#32
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	RudeDawg, My condolences to you and your family.

05-10-2001, 02:16 AM	#33
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	Turbovee, No need to feel stupid, you had no way of knowing what connection I was trying to make. I thought it was a good question.

05-10-2001, 09:11 AM	#34
Father Bronze Baaz Draconian Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Northern Illinois Age: 56 Posts: 719	Ah children. I have to admit that I have given up trying to keep any sennse of dignity. The best is potty training. The other day I was changing my daughter's diaper in a public restroom (one of those without a changing table -- why businesses are so sexist as to only put changing tables in the women's room . . . like guys never change a diaper?) Anyway half-way through the changing process, she decides to pee. Rather than freak out and scream, I said "Good job. You're going pee!" (positive reinforcement, helping her to become aware of what her body is doing) and calmly placed her on the toilet -- all the while maintaining an encouraging positive tone, urine dripping from my fingers. Just doing my job in trying to make potty training a postive rather than a scary exeperience. Of course I would rather have freaked, but then what would my daughter think . . . "I pee and Daddy freaks. Better pee in diapers my whole life and make Daddy happy." Let's just say that I thought I was a patient person. Then I had kids. And don't worry about trying to compete with Norm. The man is a god. I almost died of shock the day he used a hand saw. ------------------ Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

05-10-2001, 10:43 AM	#36
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	Congrats, Throntar! Ooo! Ooo! Bandsaw?!? Tablesaw?!? I don’t have a bandsaw myself but so far have not been disappointed by the Jet equipment I have purchased. As for a tablesaw, I do have an opinion. I own a 3 h.p. 10 inch left tilting cabinetmaker’s tablesaw and love it, even Hard Maple cuts like butter. While I think Jet, Delta, and Powermatic (of course there are better but then you’re talking real $$$) are close in quality I would recommend going for a cabinet maker’s saw based on closer tolerances for greater accuracy, increased horsepower, and machine longevity. Of course those who are truly talented can turn out excellent work on whatever machine they have. Father Bronze, Ah yes, Patience, a virtue normally possessed only by those without children. Hey, if you know of any place I could pick up some of this scarce commodity, please let me know.

05-10-2001, 01:38 PM	#37
Sir Taliesin Silver Dragon Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: Knoxville, TN USA Age: 61 Posts: 1,641	Patience comes with the territory. When you see your new son a switch will be flipped somewhere in your brain and you will have all the patience in the world. Mom on the other hand will probably be the opposite. Especially with you. Watch out and good luck. ------------------ Sir Taliesin If they take my gun can I still use my Claymore?

05-10-2001, 03:08 PM	#38
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	An amusing recollection just hit me. And since we’ve been discussing pregnancy and parenthood here, I thought I would share. When my wife first discovered she was pregnant, she didn’t approach me and say “guess what!” or “I have good news!” or even “how would you like to be a father?” Instead she walked straight up to me, without warning what so ever, and with a wry little smile on her face said; “you’re a BAD, BAD man!” Several months later I still crack a smile when I think of it.

05-10-2001, 03:11 PM	#39
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Oh! That is toooooo Funny! Thank you for sharing that! Moni ------------------

05-10-2001, 03:36 PM	#40
Wah Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 17, 2001 Location: England Posts: 1,160	LOL, yes I totally agree! (Aw no, gotta run guys, the batting eyelids patrol and the pouty lips brigade is on my tail - fast!) Estimated Speed: 300 blinks per second Estimated Poutiness: No Data Confirmed ------------------ Greetings Mortals. My Name Is Wah, Arch Lich Wah.

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