Tips of LIFE

[/)eathKiller]

ok... 3 words of advice:

1: Resize that signature picture... it's too big...

use this one instead...
the URL is
http://members.lycos.co.uk/th8or/GAG...AHOI423424.jpg

2: Keep Breathing as long as you can

3: Never ask how a hotdog is made... EVER...

The last word of advice is in my sig...

[i]Through Sound and motion, you will be able to Paralyze Nerves, Shatter Bones, Start Fires, Suffocate an Enemy or Burst his Organs... -Dune

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

#1 Remember , polite conversations are rarely either.

#2 Never take advice from someone less succesfull than yourself.

[Cerek the Barbaric]

Well, since you asked, how could I refuse.

Cerek's Prank.

My first year in college, I had a female science teacher that was very prejudiced against guys. She even went so far as to say "No guy will EVER make an A in my class, they're just not smart enough."

She and I had a personal exchange one day in the middle of class. She made a deragotory comment about me to another teacher in front of the class. Well, that was too much, so I made a snide comment myself and the matter died down there, for awhile.

At the end of the semester, she told me I had 2 grades missing from labs we had done during the year. I had missed a lab or two, but not the two she left open, so I knew she had done it just to spite me. She said I would have to "bring the papers to her to prove that I did them." I went down to the library and found a guy in her other science class. I asked if he had Lab#13 or #15 (the two that I was "missing"). He didn't, but he said he had Lab#11.

I said, "That'll work, may I borrow it for a moment."
"Sure, here you go".

I took his lab. I erased his name and wrote mine down. I then erased the #11 and wrote #13. Then I headed for the science class. I walked in and stopped about 6 ft away from the teachers desk (close enough for her to read the number and see the "check" mark, but not close enough to notice the erasing). She said "Fine" and put a check by my name for Lab#13.

I looked her right in the eye and said "I'll be right back with Lab#15".

I couldn't believe she didn't catch on. I was about as blantant as I could be with it, and she never said a word.

OK, that may sound a little "lame" to some of you, but it was mainly my way of showing how much I DIS-respected this teacher - which was VERY "out-of-character" for me. I once spoke to her 30 minutes before class so that she would KNOW I was skipping her class.

Buuut, if you had hoped for something a little more exciting....the following year, I met the guy that would be my roommate later on. He had a similar experience with the same teacher and we decided to pull a really good prank on her.

He had a fake rubber hand that his dog used as a "chew toy". We went to his house to get the hand, applied a liberal amount of "Vampire Blood", wrapped it in a paper towel from the bathroom, and stuck it in the wide drawer under her desk. I placed it so that the towel would "open" when the drawer was pulled out.

Unfortunately, her class assistant was the one to find it, but my roommate and I were told that there WAS a good deal of screaming involved when it was discovered.

Like I said, we still laugh about that to this day.

[Donut]

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off till the day after.

Never stand when you can lean.
Never lean when you can sit
never sit when you can lie down

Never, Never, Never in any circumstances have a pee immediately after chopping chillies! Never - you hear me?

[Earthdog]

Never beat the crap out of a cop while hes on duty and has a partner with him. The partner will procede to beat you about the head and shoulders with a blunt object. As far as that goes it doesnt pay to even be smart to a cop. The Warning he was going to give you just got turned into a ticket.

Never go to the airport and tell one of the security gaurds ( after he asks whats in your bags) "Thirty-two kilos of plastic explosives"

That will go over like a lead balloon.

NEVER tell your girlfriend you think she looks good with her fingernails all black> She will immediately accuse you of slamming the car door on her hand on purpose.

Dont count on Troy Aikmen, Darrel Johnston, and Micheal Irvin to come out of retirement so the Cowboys can win another Super Bowl. Even if they came out of retirement the Cowboys wont win another one as long as Jerry Jones owns the team.

Never punt a 16 pound bowling ball. Trust me it HURTS!!!!!!!

[Donut]

If a woman asks you if you like her hair ALWAYS say yes no matter what you really think.

If a woman asks you what age you think she is just think of a number and take 10 off.

[Loumistro]

Good job Lou! But now you need to give him a swirly. Thats when you shove his head in a dirty public toilet (like at school) and flush it.

Ya I think I will do that in a couple of days when I see him at the local Pool or something.

And Cerek that was one good prank I am going to try to match one day.

Oh ya and thanks for resizing my picture for me. I was going to do that but I forgot.

Thanks.

[ 07-04-2002, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: Loumistro ]

[/)eathKiller]

problem...

Ok another word of advice:

4. If anyone asks you if you're a god, say YES!

[Animal]

Believe it or not your parents want the best for you and know what they're talking about, they've had the expereince.
You may think you know everything, but trust me, you know jack s**t
Education is knowledge, knowledge is power and power is money.
You always have a boss, no matter who you are.
Always wear clean underwear
Never take advice for someone more screwed up than you.
The FINAL rule. Everyone is more screwed up than you.

[sageridder]

The words of someone who dosn't proclame themselves an expert on everything often carry more weight.

Never enter a limited partnership expending personal capitol without a detailed fudishary report. "Woody's Dad"

Never buy sex toys from a shop that has a liberal return policy.