One of These "Women Are Better Than Men" Jokes

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Do i have to start another: Men are Better than Women Thread?

[Melusine]

Well, I happen to *like* blonde jokes, nothing wrong with a little self-mockery

How do you drown a blonde?
-Put a scratch'n'sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

Why do blondes have one more brain cell than cows?
-So they don't moo when you squeeze her tits

What do you call a smart blonde?
-A golden retriever.

What goes vrrroom -- screech, vrrroom -- screech, vrrroom -- screech?
-A blonde at a flashing red light.

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."
The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps keeps cold things cold."
The blonde says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her blonde boss sees her and asks, "What is that shiny object you have?"
She said, "It's a thermos."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
She replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The blonde replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank. The brunnette, being the brains of the operation, explains the plan to the blonde and says:
- So you are sure you understand the plan?
- Yep.
- Ok then, I'll wait here in the car.
The blonde goes off into the bank. 15 minutes later she comes out dragging a safe by a rope. A security guard with his pants down around his ankles comes hobbling after her. The brunette in the car shouts:
- You idiot! I told you to blow the safe and tie up the guard!

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

And to appease the other blondes on IW, here's a nice blonde joke!

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan..
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies....."Well doh, where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[Downunda]

Stuff Mel, hadn't heard the scratch and sniff one before and the news one had me in stitches [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Here's a coupla lame attempts by me... [img]tongue.gif[/img]

There were two blondes walking in the woods. As they were
walking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground. One
stops the other one and says "Look deer tracks." The other
goes "Those are not deer tracks those are bear tracks." So
they fight about what they are and are not, and the next day
the paper head lines read "Two Blondes Killed By Train".

Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest
are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and
started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over
to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would
get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a
light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her
that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her
other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went
over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired
your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I
supposed to work without a light?"

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun
game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This
catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the
lawyer.
Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The
lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no
answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and
hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back
to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to
sleep.

[ 08-31-2002, 06:18 AM: Message edited by: Downunda ]

Funny how all the blonde jokes refer to women.
What about the blonde men?
Here you go.....

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."

I have some really bad jokes that will probably turn every female member here at IW against me, but I'm going to tell them anyway

Here are just two,

-Why do women have small feet?

So that they can get closer to the sink.

.

-Why do women have hands?

Because it would be a damn sight harder cleaning the house with their tongues!

Please don’t hurt me. *cowers*

[Kaltia]

I have a man joke....
Why did the man name his penis?
-His mother told him never to play with strangers.

[RicoSuave]

These are slightly racy. If you are easily offended, DON'T READ!!

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
A: More head room.

Q: What do a blonde & a screen-door have in common?
A: The more you bang 'em, the looser they get.

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A: So they don't leave little trails like snails do.

OKAY... that's enough. They're pretty bad, huh?

[Dundee Slaytern]

Repeating a joke I posted a while back,

And so God created Man and named him Adam. Adam was lord and master over all the other animals, and he lived in a paradise known as the Garden of Eden.

However... Adam felt lonely. So he called out for God and made known his loneliness.

God said, "I will make a female companion for you. She will be your servant, ready to do whatever you want, whatever you desire. She will help feed you, clothe you, bath you and clean your living quarters. She shall never complain, shall never refuse, and shall always obey you. However... ...."

Excited with glee so far, Adam asked, "However what? Oh Lord?"

God replied, "It will cost you an arm and a leg."

Recoiling in horror, Adam tried to bargain, "That is far too much! How much do I get for a rib?"

[The Ornery One]

Originally posted by Kaltia: I have a man joke.... Why did the man name his penis? -His mother told him never to play with strangers.

*applause* Good one, Kaltia! lmao