General useless magic items inventory

[The Collective]

Robe of Venca, cheap imitation copy of Robe of Vecna, handwash only.

Nike Boots of Jumping, need to be pumped up by hand first.

Adidas Boots of Speed, same as normal boots of speed but twice the price and will be out of fashion in a month.

Kilt of the Mechanic, cursed item, -2 to tyre changing skill but will instantly make the wearer the centre of attention.

Glasses of Attention, make a spectacle out of you.

[The Collective]

Set of 4 Tankards:
Optimists Tankard - this is always half full
Pessimists Tankard - this is always half empty
Engineers Tankard - twice as big as it needs to be
Philosophers Tankard - undecided effect

[The Collective]

Safety Polearm - telescopically retracts on contact

Driads Acorns - Warning may contain nuts

Bag of Holding - Danger of suffocation keep away from small children

Scroll of Water Elemental summoning - Warning slippery when wet

Potion of Sleep - Warning may cause drowsiness, do not drive or operate machinery

[adam warlock]

Invisible clothes - the clothes are invisible but the owner isn't

[Kakero]

how intersting and quite funny some of them. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Megabot]

The Bots of Nasty Taffer - these Boots meuk yu speuk luke thus

Then the nasty Taffer use his "bots" and snik around outside the place where the Collective sitting they all was hit by Taffer`s +15 lightning arrows in their butt`s. [img]graemlins/shooter19.gif[/img] then he dissapear in to the shadows and they did not knove what happend! Muwahahahaha

[ 07-17-2002, 11:57 PM: Message edited by: Megabot ]

[Leonis]

Improved Bag of Holding - will hold unlimited amounts of items...until you take them out, then none of them will fit back in again.

[Lanesra]

Pockets of resistance- No matter how hard you try you can't get your hands in them. (although they wouldn't be useless in the pub) [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Downunda]

I know this is for useless magic items, but I thought I'd post a couple that actually had practical uses

Steam Iron +10 - so even men can use the things
Car +4 - so even women can use the things

and now for something completely different...
.
.
More useless magic items... [img]smile.gif[/img]

The Acme Acne Medication of Increased Libido
The Anal Suppository of Animal Friendship
The Anvil of Featherfalling
The Aphrodisiac of Impotence
The Armor of Fear (No One is Brave Enough to Put the Stuff On)
The Automated Porcelain Idol
The Axe of Alliteration
The Bag of How Did That Get In There?
The Bandanna of Ever-Presesnt Perspiration
The Banana Peel of Foot Slip
The Beanie Propeller of Flight
The Big White Phone of Ralph
The Black Shoe Polish of Armor Preservation
The Blind Dating of Carbon 14
The Blindfold of Invisibility
The Brassiere of Gender Transmutation
The Broken Bauble of Babbling
The Broom of Dance Partner
The Bungee Cord of Levitation
The Carmina Burpana (Contains pieces like: Fortune plango Vulgeria; Veni, Veni, Venereal; many others)
The Cement Boots of the Elven Mafia (The Tuatha de Cosa Nostra)
The Cement Seven League Boots
The Chainmail Gauntlet of Masturbation
The Chainsaw of Bluntness
The Cheerful Nine Inch Nails Album ("Sunshine and Handcuffs")
The Chicken Hand grenade (Bite the Head Off, and Throw...)
The Chiming Armor
The Cloak and Boots of Elvis-Kind
The Codex of Useless Information
The Combat Boots of Jesus (Can Walk Only on Water, But Turns it into Everclear)
The Condom of Procreation
The Contact Lenses of Extreme X-Ray Vision
The Continual Light of Colorblindness (B&W)
The Country Music of Nausea
The Crib Sheet of Wrong Answers
The Cran of Berry
The Crown of Truth
The Crystal Ball of Broken Vertical Hold
The Crystal Ball of Misaligned Horizontal Hold
The Cruel Shoes
The Cursed Body Pierceings of Defense (They multiply)
The Cursed Cock Ring of Enlarging
The Doc Martin Wagon
The Duct Tape of Hair-Bane
The Earring of Loud Language Comprehension
The Elven Cloak of Invisibility and Faerie Fire
The Elephant Gun of Barney Slaying
The Ever-Full Leaky Canteen of Everclear
The Extra Sticky WD40
The Eye of Newt (replaces right eyes for those who've lost them)
The Fifty Pound Shield plus 5
The Funky Hat of Gender Disphoria
The Fuzzy Fruitbat of Ultimate Evil
The Gauntlets of Palm-Hair growth
The Generic Medium Sized Vampiric Elbow Fish
The Great Book of Gummi
The Guacamole of Invisibility
The Guitar of Tone Deafness
The Halberd of Rabbit Slaying
The Handcuffs of Free Motion
The Handkerchief of Snot
The Helm of Denting (And Concussions)
The Helmet of Hair Growth
The Horn of Nature Calling
The Hot Sauce of Flaming
The Jester's Hat of Seriousness
The Kangaroo of Holding
The Left Nut of Wally (when placed in a nut dish, all the others disappear, leaving only this one)
The Lifetime Membership in the Interested Deity of the Month Club
The LSD Acid Tab of Astral Projection
The Magic Bait of Whale Catching
The Magic... Cards
The Magic Mirror That Only Gets Fishing Shows, Susan Powter, and The Happy Trees
The Magical Bong Water of Bob Marley
The Manual of Combat Paper Folding
The Marijuana of Depression
The Matches of Dampness
The Matzoh Ball of Maliciousness
The Middle Finger Ring of Charming
The Migrating Beauty Mark
The Natural Potion of Flying (The Potion of Headrush)
The Nerd Glasses of Superior Intelligence
The Net of Dolphin Catching (Only Catches Brian Cox)
The Paunch of Shatner
The Pillow of Crushing
The Pocket Bureaucrat (A Rules Lawyer--Can Quote Any Appropriate Page of the Rule Book)
The Pocket Protector of Holding (only holds writing utensils and measuring devices)
The Pocket Sir Origami (Ever ready to either hit you over the head, or fold some paper in combat)
The Pop Rocks and Pepsi of Exploding
The Puppy of Following
The Ring of Gaseous Form
The Ring of Holding
The Ring of Teleportation
The Rossian Paintbrush of Happy Little Trees
The Scroll of Misspelled Magical Formulae
The Sea Sickness Pills of Cecil the Sea Serpent
The Shrubbery (ominous music here)
The Sideburns of Elfis
The Small Furry Animal of Vampire Slaying
The Strongbox of Opening
The Sword of Disco Dancing
The Sword of Reverse Damage
The Tampon of Giant Strength
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Girdle for the Overweight Martial Artist
The Tone Deaf Singing Sword
The Toothbrush of Garlic Breath
The Tongue Piercing of Persuasion
The Trent Reznor/Barney Duet album
The Trifocals of Urza
The Two Handed Sword of Throwing (Always Returns Point First)
The Underwear of Dancing (a la Risky Business)
The Unstable Yogurt Mutation
The Useless Swiss Army Knife (Dulled Blade, and Just Not The Tool That I Wanted..)
The Vorpal Bunny Slippers
The Wand of Useless Magical Effects
The Yalmuka of Yiddish
Contributors:
Bill Brox, John Cook, George Eisenhardt, Kathy Lahn, Steve Mammoser, Ted Manch, Scott Morgan, Ken Mondschien, Dave Nezlek, Erik Noble, Ben Pierce, Jeni Pleskow, Jen Sieden, Che Villar, and Julie Ortalano

[The Collective]

Originally posted by Megabot: Then the nasty Taffer use his "bots" and snik around outside the place where the Collective sitting they all was hit by Taffer`s +15 lightning arrows in their butt`s. [img]graemlins/shooter19.gif[/img] then he dissapear in to the shadows and they did not knove what happend! Muwahahahaha [/QB]

Fortunately, one of the Collective has the "hand of the bard" allowing him to absorb all the energy and use it with his "hot lamp attack" skill, he made a Michael Jarre show...

We were all very impressed....