Forgotten Realms story (the beginning anyway)

[Fljotsdale]

I hope you are serious about wanting criticism,, AzureWolf?!
I printed out your story and have read it carefully, several times.

Praise first: (always give the sweet before the medicine..!): You have a feel for language. That's good. Nice descriptions. You are getting a sense of 'atmosphere' as well. The characters in chapter one start well. You could become a good writer.
Chapter one is also by far the best part of the story, less self-conscious, less wordy, more atmospheric, and also much easier to relate to. I wanted to KNOW about Nerian and his dad!

Medicine: 1)You seriously need to improve your grammer!
2)You should forget 'Revelations' & 'Prologue'. I know you enjoyed writing those bits, ( ) but that material would be better used in a different way. It is too contrived and derivative as it is.

Ahem... I hope we are still friends?


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Smile! Life is too short for bitching!

Fljotsdale

[AzureWolf]

Originally posted by Fljotsdale: I hope you are serious about wanting criticism,, AzureWolf?! I printed out your story and have read it carefully, several times. Praise first: (always give the sweet before the medicine..!): You have a feel for language. That's good. Nice descriptions. You are getting a sense of 'atmosphere' as well. The characters in chapter one start well. You could become a good writer. Chapter one is also by far the best part of the story, less self-conscious, less wordy, more atmospheric, and also much easier to relate to. I wanted to KNOW about Nerian and his dad! Medicine: 1)You seriously need to improve your grammer! 2)You should forget 'Revelations' & 'Prologue'. I know you enjoyed writing those bits, ( ) but that material would be better used in a different way. It is too contrived and derivative as it is. Ahem... I hope we are still friends?

hehe yeah thats exactly what i wanted to know. thanx for being honest but i think i will have to leave the prolouge in becos it fits well into the storyline even tho you cant tell that yet. but i think i will leave out revalations. so thanx again.

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"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

[Fljotsdale]

Originally posted by AzureWolf: hehe yeah thats exactly what i wanted to know. thanx for being honest but i think i will have to leave the prolouge in becos it fits well into the storyline even tho you cant tell that yet. but i think i will leave out revalations. so thanx again.

Yeah, I CAN tell that AzureWolf! It is just that it needs (IMHO!) some serious re-working. If you have no objections, I could e-mail you if (your e-mail is available) and SHOW you what I mean. You can always ignore advice, lol!


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Smile! Life is too short for bitching!

Fljotsdale

[This message has been edited by Fljotsdale (edited 05-11-2001).]

[AzureWolf]

Originally posted by Fljotsdale: Yeah, I CAN tell that AzureWolf! It is just that it needs (IMHO!) some serious re-working. If you have no objections, I could e-mail you if (your e-mail is available) and SHOW you what I mean. You can always ignore advice, lol!

feel free i have changed it so my email is available. i have also sent u my address in an email let me know if u didnt get it. gimme lotsa critism

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"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

[AzureWolf]

bump for Reeka

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"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."