My own work...

slicer15 · 02-25-2004, 03:47 PM

Heya! I don't often visit this forum, but now I have reason too!

Anyways, the point is, I have begun writing my own story and I want you people to gimme feedback. You know, just some criticisms etc, preferably constructive. [img]tongue.gif[/img] It's up on fictionpress.com, and I'd appreciate if anyone could leave a review on the site, where it says submit review at the bottom of the page.

The story is here.

Please do not feel pressured to read it! Oh, it's a fantasy style story, and in a world that I created. There, see, that'll put some of you off...anyways, I really appreciate any feedback, feel free to post under this topic too, but as I said, 'tis only a humble request. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Cheers guys!

RoSs_bg2_rox · 02-26-2004, 11:16 AM

hey that is pretty awesome Slicer, at first it reminded me of Salvatore, but after a bit it started to swing into a different style, your own style! The only thing that I picked out that you might want to change is this bit.

"They were custom crafted only for Leg’Arith and few other than him can wield them effectively. They were pale silver, made of mithril and enchanted under the haunting glow of the moon. The enchantment gives them heightened durability and sharpens their edge, making them more effective to cut through armour. They are incredibly balanced and light, perfect for dual-wielding."

I just didnt think the bit in bold fitted in with the rest of the story, not that it was bad, just the way you wrote it. I mean it seems to be in a different tense, or first person instead of third person like the rest of the story.

Other than that, brilliant so far. When will chapter 2 be coming?

Harkoliar · 02-26-2004, 05:27 PM

LOVED IT!!!! cant wait for chapter two.. however it did remind me of drizzt plain and simple

. but i still loved it.

slicer15 · 02-26-2004, 06:14 PM

LOL, I did base it upon Salvatore...sorry! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Thanks for the reviews! Chapter 2 will be up soon, I think it'll have to be in 2 parts as it is far longer than the first one....and I will take your advice into account, Ross. As I'm re-writing the Prologue anyway I'll change that part slightly. Thanks for pointing it out! Please continue to point out other flaws, it's one of the ways I'll learn.

Thanks again! I really appreciate it!

slicer15 · 02-29-2004, 05:00 PM

Okay, the first part of Chpater 2 is now up! Be sure to check it out, and I would appreciate reviews left on the site itself - you don't have to be a member to leave one. Otherwise, feel free to post!

PS: It may take a little while for the second chapter to be displayed, the site is refreshed every 24 hours but I don't know at which hour. Thank you very much for any input!

RoSs_bg2_rox · 03-01-2004, 12:42 PM

checking it out now, if I see anything that looks wrong (although so far nothing) then I will leave a review.

slicer15 · 03-01-2004, 04:47 PM

Cool, cheers, mate! And I apologise of this thread gets resurrected a few times, the updates will be few and far between as I'm busy with other stuff too...this last update is absolutely everything I have written so far, so it'll be a while before the next installment...about three weeks or so. Otherwise, thanks again!

RoSs_bg2_rox · 03-01-2004, 04:53 PM

thats ok, Il look forward to seeing it back at the top if it slips down!

dplax · 03-06-2004, 10:55 PM

Just read it and I can tell you that it is good. I am looking forward to seeing some more of it. So far I saw no outstanding problems other than those already mentioned, there were just a few places where words or phrases were repeated too close to each other.

Harkoliar · 03-14-2004, 04:15 AM

dang.. i was cut short.. hope you can continue soon!

02-26-2004, 11:16 AM	#2
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 36 Posts: 5,225	hey that is pretty awesome Slicer, at first it reminded me of Salvatore, but after a bit it started to swing into a different style, your own style! The only thing that I picked out that you might want to change is this bit. "They were custom crafted only for Leg’Arith and few other than him can wield them effectively. They were pale silver, made of mithril and enchanted under the haunting glow of the moon. The enchantment gives them heightened durability and sharpens their edge, making them more effective to cut through armour. They are incredibly balanced and light, perfect for dual-wielding." I just didnt think the bit in bold fitted in with the rest of the story, not that it was bad, just the way you wrote it. I mean it seems to be in a different tense, or first person instead of third person like the rest of the story. Other than that, brilliant so far. When will chapter 2 be coming? __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

02-26-2004, 05:27 PM	#3
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 42 Posts: 5,556	LOVED IT!!!! cant wait for chapter two.. however it did remind me of drizzt plain and simple . but i still loved it. __________________ Catch me if you can..

03-01-2004, 12:42 PM	#6
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 36 Posts: 5,225	checking it out now, if I see anything that looks wrong (although so far nothing) then I will leave a review. __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

03-01-2004, 04:53 PM	#8
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 36 Posts: 5,225	thats ok, Il look forward to seeing it back at the top if it slips down! __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

03-06-2004, 10:55 PM	#9
dplax Jack Burton Join Date: July 19, 2003 Location: an expat living in France Age: 40 Posts: 5,577	Just read it and I can tell you that it is good. I am looking forward to seeing some more of it. So far I saw no outstanding problems other than those already mentioned, there were just a few places where words or phrases were repeated too close to each other. __________________

02-25-2004, 03:47 PM	#1
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 38 Posts: 1,162	Heya! I don't often visit this forum, but now I have reason too! Anyways, the point is, I have begun writing my own story and I want you people to gimme feedback. You know, just some criticisms etc, preferably constructive. [img]tongue.gif[/img] It's up on fictionpress.com, and I'd appreciate if anyone could leave a review on the site, where it says submit review at the bottom of the page. The story is here. Please do not feel pressured to read it! Oh, it's a fantasy style story, and in a world that I created. There, see, that'll put some of you off...anyways, I really appreciate any feedback, feel free to post under this topic too, but as I said, 'tis only a humble request. [img]smile.gif[/img] Cheers guys!

02-26-2004, 06:14 PM	#4
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 38 Posts: 1,162	LOL, I did base it upon Salvatore...sorry! [img]smile.gif[/img] Thanks for the reviews! Chapter 2 will be up soon, I think it'll have to be in 2 parts as it is far longer than the first one....and I will take your advice into account, Ross. As I'm re-writing the Prologue anyway I'll change that part slightly. Thanks for pointing it out! Please continue to point out other flaws, it's one of the ways I'll learn. Thanks again! I really appreciate it!

02-29-2004, 05:00 PM	#5
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 38 Posts: 1,162	Okay, the first part of Chpater 2 is now up! Be sure to check it out, and I would appreciate reviews left on the site itself - you don't have to be a member to leave one. Otherwise, feel free to post! PS: It may take a little while for the second chapter to be displayed, the site is refreshed every 24 hours but I don't know at which hour. Thank you very much for any input!

03-01-2004, 04:47 PM	#7
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 38 Posts: 1,162	Cool, cheers, mate! And I apologise of this thread gets resurrected a few times, the updates will be few and far between as I'm busy with other stuff too...this last update is absolutely everything I have written so far, so it'll be a while before the next installment...about three weeks or so. Otherwise, thanks again!

03-14-2004, 04:15 AM	#10
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 42 Posts: 5,556	dang.. i was cut short.. hope you can continue soon! __________________ Catch me if you can..

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