Joke World 01-01-09

[Arvon]

It was Jim’s birthday, and he was considered to be an “old man” by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim’s friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker.

The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said “Hi I’m your birthday present!”

Startled, he asked “What am I supposed to do with you?”

“I’m yours for super sex,” she answers.

So Jim replied “Well, I’m 75 years old so I’ll have the soup.”

[Bungleau]

Watch the timer on the scene starting around the 49 second mark... gotta love that reaction!

[Arvon]

The city of Paris lost the chance to host the 2012 Olympics and they're very bitter about it.

Apparently the Parisians are disappointed because they were looking forward to being rude to thousands of new people.

[VulcanRider]

Originally Posted by Bungleau Watch the timer on the scene starting around the 49 second mark... gotta love that reaction!

Yeah but the last few seconds really made me LOL...

[Bungleau]

Sorry... I was trying to point to that last little bit. I wanted to highlight the time, because I'm pretty sure I know what was going through that guy's mind...

[Arvon]

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up and he is now doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster and faster until he reaches 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass pillar, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"

[Bungleau]

The new "Mac vs PC"...

[VulcanRider]

Now that's an ad I'd LIKE to see on tv... is there a sequel with the IBM-bot calling in mama mainframe?

Oh, while I'm here...

Dentist: "Try to relax. I'll pull your tooth in five minutes."
Patient: "How much will this cost me?"
Dentist: "About $200.00"
Patient: "That much for just five minutes work?"
Dentist: "If you want, I can pull it out really slowly..."

-------------------

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
"I know", said the dentist, "but you yelled so much you scared away two other patients."

-------------------------

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in one ear, and a banana in the other. "What's wrong with me Doc?", he asked.
"You're not eating right", said the doctor...

[Arvon]

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:

"Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."

"When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion," she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.

"I'm curious though," he said, "Where did the thirty dollars come from?"

"Oh that, " his wife replied, "Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!"

[Variol (Farseer) Elmwood]

Florida Condo Reasonable Rates


Hello up there in the cold !!!



You wouldn't believe the DEALS that are available down here due to the state of the economy !!!

I haven't said anything to anybody about this until now because we wanted to wait until things were final. We just purchased a one bedroom condo near Sannibel Island in South Florida as an investment property.

It finally closed this week, so we thought that we would let y'all know in case anyone is interested in accommodations for an upcoming getaway to Florida. It's available for weekends or on a weekly basis when we aren't using it. For now, we will be handling bookings until we can find an agent.

Weekends will cost about $100 for three nights and $200 for the week (good friends and family will be free the first time). These prices are low because they are for friends and family.

Prices will be a bit different for people we don't know and a deposit will be required from them, but we can discuss that on an individual basis.

In any case, it's a one bedroom, high-rise unit that overlooks the ocean, nestled among lush greens, and has a lovely ocean view from every window! See photo below.












Let us know if you're interested .