Joke World 3-1-08

[Arvon]

A 25-year-old woman was arrested for assault in Bremerton, Wash., in December after fighting with her boyfriend in the shower over whether the man's dog could join them. The woman objected and said the arrangement would be a deal-breaker for their relationship, to which the boyfriend replied that he hoped his next girlfriend would appreciate the dog more. At that, according to police, she punched him several times in the face, and in their struggle, he dislocated his shoulder. [KOMO Radio-AP (Seattle), 12-28-07]

[Harkoliar]

Originally Posted by Arvon Her Side/His Side HER SIDE OF THE STORY He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else??? HIS SIDE OF THE STORY My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.

beautiful and true!

[Arvon]

Top Ten LEAST Popular Disneyworld Attractions

10. The Audio-Anamatronic Dan Quayle
9. The Hall of 10,000 Razors
8. Slug Rides
7. Mr. Toad's Gut-O-Rama
6. Pluto Gets Fixed
5. The Cuisinart Ride
4. Dumbo's Big Blow Out
3. The Haunted Condo
2. Drug Runners of the Carribean

and the number one LEAST popular Disneyworld attraction:

1. The Country Bear Whoop-Dee-Doo Sit-Around-And-Do-Nothing Borefest

[Arvon]

POLITICAL JOKE

"Those Bush people are fascinated with all their generals and we Clinton people are fascinated with all our privates."
--- James Carville, quoted in The Orlando Sentinel

[Arvon]

DARWIN AGAIN






(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and he noticed that his dog had found a bone. It was a deer leg! The man tried to take the bone away from the dog. Like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure, and stayed just out of reach.
Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged. Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. His friends called 911 and he was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries.

He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion of murder.

At least he didn't hit the dog!

[Arvon]

One day, a couple of weeks ago, I was writing in my notebook the lament "Warm beer and cold women, that's the story of my life."

A rather good looking chick sitting next to me noticed what I had written, and replied, "That's really sad. I'll help you out. Come with me after class." Naturally I did, and we went to her room.

It was one of the coldest bottles of Rolling Rock I ever had.

[Arvon]

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, “Oh, me boyos, someone’s got to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be then?”
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
“Discreet??? I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead!”, says Murphy’s wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says Gallagher.

[Arvon]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...sareinbath.jpg

[Arvon]

A BIRTHDAY CARD


Forget about the past, You can't change it.

Forget about the future, You can't predict it.

Inside:

Forget about the present, I didn't buy you one.

[Arvon]

A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day... when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.

She couldn't get him off her mind and, thinking that he might be in financial difficulties, she took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia," and threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street.

The next day she was in her cell saying her beads when she was told that some man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what they were for he replied, "That's the sixty bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 5-1."