Words of Wisdom Pt III

Vaskez · 10-14-2004, 07:30 AM

More words of wisdom, some are good, some are a bit lame, but anyways...

Beer kills braincells slowly, nevermind I have plenty of time...

There is nothing that cannot be used as a beer bottle opener

The Bible teaches you to love thy neighbour...the Kama Sutra teaches you how

The worst thing about censorship is ***************!

An exchange of opinions is when you go to see your boss to tell him yours and you come out holding his...

By themselves even the snowflakes that make up an avalanche are harmless

Money does not make you happy. He who has 3 million is no happier than he who has 2.

In matters of suicide I only take advice from those that have experienced success

The ideal woman is like the moon. Arrives in the evening and leaves in the morning

Why do you never see in the paper: "Fortune teller wins lottery"

Good health is probably the slowest form of death

What's the point in remembering the date when it changes every day?

Let's forget that it never happened

There are two types of people: those that always say what they think and those that have friends

Why is it that everyone wants to go to heavan, but nobody wants to die?

They say that all men think about is sex. That's not true, sometimes we think about beer.

Vegetarian: an old American Indian word meaning "crap hunter".

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realise you weren't actually asleep.

Rigorous statistical studies have shown that 100% of divorces began with marriage.

If money doesn't make you happy, then give it to me!

How do we know that no two snowflakes are alike when we haven't even seen all of them?

There was a time when women would literally chase after me, but I don't steal purses any more.

They say that money talks, but there sure is something wrong with its hearing since it never comes when I call to it.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

All men go bald, although there are some that don't live long enough to see it.

Men are like refrigirator bags: fill them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

I only started jogging at age 50 so I get to hear panting once again.

Everybody is good for something. If for nothing else, then at least to server as a terrifying example to others.

A gentleman does not go to bed on the same day that he got up.

Women struggle with two problems: they "don't have anything to wear" and don't have enough space to store that nothing.

why do dictionaries contain the word "dictionary"?

With computers it is possible to make errors very quickly and accurately.

What do you do when an animal of an endangered/protected species is eating a plant of endangered species?

Just remember: you're irreplacable, just like everyone else.

Hivetyrant · 10-14-2004, 07:37 AM

ROFLMAO Hahahaha Those were friggin hilarious [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
Loved-
"The Bible teaches you to love thy neighbour...the Kama Sutra teaches you how"

"Women struggle with two problems: they "don't have anything to wear" and don't have enough space to store that nothing."

"There was a time when women would literally chase after me, but I don't steal purses any more."
And almost all the others, but im not going to list them becuase they are above..

Vaskez · 10-14-2004, 08:01 AM

Glad you liked 'em

Vaskez · 10-15-2004, 06:46 PM

Hmmm ONE whole person appreciates good humour these days. No wonder this place is getting boring [img]tongue.gif[/img] But when Arvon posts something he found on the web, then we're all in hysterics, right? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Dron_Cah · 10-15-2004, 06:50 PM

Heh, very nice, vaskey, I was just trying to cut down on the spam. [img]tongue.gif[/img] S'alright, I'll make sure to post something in every topic of yours I find, from now on.

Edit: damnable typos!

[ 10-15-2004, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: Dron_Cah ]

10-15-2004, 07:06 PM

oh, wow! theses are great! did you come up with them or did you find them?
either way!! they were funny!!! and no, i didn't not post here, i didn' not post here, since i wasn't here for the moment XD

great stuff, keep em coming

Stormymystic · 10-15-2004, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Women struggle with two problems: they "don't have anything to wear" and don't have enough space to store that nothing.

I resent that one...I will have you know my husband has more clothes than I do, and he made me get rid of 9/10 of mine [img]tongue.gif[/img] so now I just wear his clothes all the time

Vaskez · 10-15-2004, 08:17 PM

I got them from my uncle in email. I tend to post jokes I get from Hungary (after translating them), since they are less likely to have been heard in english-speaking countries (unless of course the hungarians translated them first

)

Lauren · 10-15-2004, 08:53 PM

LOL... they're all great Vaskez... but I can answer one of those for you:
Why do you never see in the paper: "Fortune teller wins lottery"

I know this is only meant to be fun, but I have an explanation for that one... anyone wishing to know the explanation, let me know

Lauren · 10-17-2004, 05:17 AM

ok then.. well I'll tell you anyways.
You never see in the newspaper "Fortune teller wins lottery" because people who have gifts like that are not allowed to use it for personal gain

10-14-2004, 07:30 AM	#1
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	More words of wisdom, some are good, some are a bit lame, but anyways... Beer kills braincells slowly, nevermind I have plenty of time... There is nothing that cannot be used as a beer bottle opener The Bible teaches you to love thy neighbour...the Kama Sutra teaches you how The worst thing about censorship is ***************! An exchange of opinions is when you go to see your boss to tell him yours and you come out holding his... By themselves even the snowflakes that make up an avalanche are harmless Money does not make you happy. He who has 3 million is no happier than he who has 2. In matters of suicide I only take advice from those that have experienced success The ideal woman is like the moon. Arrives in the evening and leaves in the morning Why do you never see in the paper: "Fortune teller wins lottery" Good health is probably the slowest form of death What's the point in remembering the date when it changes every day? Let's forget that it never happened There are two types of people: those that always say what they think and those that have friends Why is it that everyone wants to go to heavan, but nobody wants to die? They say that all men think about is sex. That's not true, sometimes we think about beer. Vegetarian: an old American Indian word meaning "crap hunter". Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realise you weren't actually asleep. Rigorous statistical studies have shown that 100% of divorces began with marriage. If money doesn't make you happy, then give it to me! How do we know that no two snowflakes are alike when we haven't even seen all of them? There was a time when women would literally chase after me, but I don't steal purses any more. They say that money talks, but there sure is something wrong with its hearing since it never comes when I call to it. If I promise to miss you, will you go away? All men go bald, although there are some that don't live long enough to see it. Men are like refrigirator bags: fill them with beer and you can take them anywhere. I only started jogging at age 50 so I get to hear panting once again. Everybody is good for something. If for nothing else, then at least to server as a terrifying example to others. A gentleman does not go to bed on the same day that he got up. Women struggle with two problems: they "don't have anything to wear" and don't have enough space to store that nothing. why do dictionaries contain the word "dictionary"? With computers it is possible to make errors very quickly and accurately. What do you do when an animal of an endangered/protected species is eating a plant of endangered species? Just remember: you're irreplacable, just like everyone else. __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

10-14-2004, 08:01 AM	#3
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	Glad you liked 'em __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

10-15-2004, 06:46 PM	#4
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	Hmmm ONE whole person appreciates good humour these days. No wonder this place is getting boring [img]tongue.gif[/img] But when Arvon posts something he found on the web, then we're all in hysterics, right? [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

10-15-2004, 08:17 PM	#8
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	I got them from my uncle in email. I tend to post jokes I get from Hungary (after translating them), since they are less likely to have been heard in english-speaking countries (unless of course the hungarians translated them first ) __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

10-15-2004, 08:53 PM	#9
Lauren Baaz Draconian Join Date: May 24, 2004 Location: Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia Age: 36 Posts: 721	LOL... they're all great Vaskez... but I can answer one of those for you: Why do you never see in the paper: "Fortune teller wins lottery" I know this is only meant to be fun, but I have an explanation for that one... anyone wishing to know the explanation, let me know __________________ "So many thoughts running through my head, I know what you feel, I know what you dread; When a room's filled with laughter, when a room's filled with lies, you're the only one I know that's in disguise..."

10-14-2004, 07:37 AM	#2
Hivetyrant Jack Burton Join Date: August 24, 2002 Location: Aussie now in the US of A! Age: 38 Posts: 5,403	ROFLMAO Hahahaha Those were friggin hilarious [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] Loved- "The Bible teaches you to love thy neighbour...the Kama Sutra teaches you how" "Women struggle with two problems: they "don't have anything to wear" and don't have enough space to store that nothing." "There was a time when women would literally chase after me, but I don't steal purses any more." And almost all the others, but im not going to list them becuase they are above..

10-15-2004, 06:50 PM	#5
Dron_Cah Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 2, 2003 Location: Kentucky Age: 38 Posts: 2,637	Heh, very nice, vaskey, I was just trying to cut down on the spam. [img]tongue.gif[/img] S'alright, I'll make sure to post something in every topic of yours I find, from now on. Edit: damnable typos! [ 10-15-2004, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: Dron_Cah ]

10-15-2004, 07:06 PM	#6
Spirits forever Guest Posts: n/a	oh, wow! theses are great! did you come up with them or did you find them? either way!! they were funny!!! and no, i didn't not post here, i didn' not post here, since i wasn't here for the moment XD great stuff, keep em coming

10-17-2004, 05:17 AM	#10
Lauren Baaz Draconian Join Date: May 24, 2004 Location: Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia Age: 36 Posts: 721	ok then.. well I'll tell you anyways. You never see in the newspaper "Fortune teller wins lottery" because people who have gifts like that are not allowed to use it for personal gain __________________ "So many thoughts running through my head, I know what you feel, I know what you dread; When a room's filled with laughter, when a room's filled with lies, you're the only one I know that's in disguise..."

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