Humorous "useless spells"

[pokeygamma]

Note: Nearly all of these were taken from a list some of us made back
in 1994, for Usenet. Some are plays on AD&D spells that might not be
in the current D&D 3.5. The whole list is now up to nearly 400 spells.

Search in rec.games.frp.dnd on groups.google for the whole list, or,
assuming this works, try this link:

http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=e...s7eo%404ax.com

Normally, I'd post credits, but I was one of the contributors, dammit.


I assume by sheer accident, some posters here already stumbled upon
Part Hair
Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius

My favorites out of the rest:

Acid Trip
Affect Normal Foyers
Alamir's Freeway Breakdown
Anger God
Animate Bread
Anti-Anti-Magic Shell
Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand
Bigby's Unmentionable Gesture
Black & White Spray
Blind Self
Charm Friends
Charm Self
Color Safe Spray
Contact This Plane
Cure STD
Deny Reality
Detect Trap Detection
Differentiate Without Error
Drawmij's Instant Coffee
Enlightening Bolt
ESPN
Fiscal Projection
Fourier's Transformation
Guess Alignment
Hold Mustard
Kender Summoning I, II, III
Know Own Alignment
Leomund's Condemned Shelter
Melf's Acid Bow
Melf's Minute Rice
Mildly Surprising Grasp
Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere
Silence of the Lambs, 15' Radius
Time Start
Transmute Head to Butt
Transmute RGB to HSV
Transmute Rock to Jazz
Wizard Eyebrow

[Daniel_M]

Originally posted by pokeygamma: Note: Nearly all of these were taken from a list some of us made back in 1994, for Usenet. Some are plays on AD&D spells that might not be in the current D&D 3.5. The whole list is now up to nearly 400 spells.

Wow, I realy had no clue, I thought I stumbled upon a whole new genere there oh well, most of the spells here are original and funny so it wouldent hurt to make a little list of our own here.

Originally posted by pokeygamma: Silence of the Lambs, 15' Radius

lmao...

[ 10-28-2003, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: Daniel_M ]

[SixOfSpades]

Originally posted by pokeygamma: Note: Nearly all of these were taken from a list some of us made back in 1994, for Usenet. Some are plays on AD&D spells that might not be in the current D&D 3.5. The whole list is now up to nearly 400 spells. Search in rec.games.frp.dnd on groups.google for the whole list, or, assuming this works, try this link: http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=e...s7eo%404ax.com Normally, I'd post credits, but I was one of the contributors, dammit.

Aw, man.....now I have to update the list of all my favorites! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Enlightening Bolt!
Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter!

[pokeygamma]

Originally posted by Daniel_M: genere there oh well, most of the spells here are original and funny so it wouldent hurt to make a little list of our own here.

Absolutely. Now, these things tend to be hit or miss. My favorites tend to be the ones that

• require no explanatory text - the spell title is enough
• don't rely on toilet humor (e.g. Power Word: Burp)
• play on well-known D&D strangeness (Protection from Neutral)
• are just plain goofy (Wizard Nose)
• properly convey the air of futility that is a Useless Spell (Charm Self)

Given the above, I was rather amused by:
Protection from Neutral
Bigby's Talk-to-the-Hand
Abi Dalzim's Horribly Long and Annoying Spell Naming
Moment of Silence, 15' Radius
Holy Swear Word

But that's just me.