Punny stuff

harleyquinn · 02-25-2003, 11:25 AM

Don't blame me for how bad these are, my mother sent them to me, I'm just spreading the pain:

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The barmaid says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barmaid says "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this
morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no
bull!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a seafood rave last week.... and pulled a
mussel.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they
lit
a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "I'll man the cannon, you drive."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

arion windrider · 02-25-2003, 11:28 AM

roflmao, not bad harley [img]smile.gif[/img]

Indemaijinj · 02-25-2003, 11:37 AM

The one with the hydrogen atoms is cute.

Mojo · 02-25-2003, 01:53 PM

A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. The barman says "Egads! Where did u get that?"
The Pig says "I won it in a raffle"

******

Alternatively...

The man says "It's my new pet, it lives with me now."
Barman: "What about the smell?"
Man: "He doesn't seem to mind."

02-25-2003, 02:05 PM

Oh man...those were baaad.....waaay back in the early 80's when I played D&D (Pen and Paper 1st and only edition)our DM's adopted standard Pun damage...it wouldn't kill your character but it was gruesome [img]smile.gif[/img]

You would be out cold Harley

02-25-2003, 11:25 AM	#1
harleyquinn Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 25, 2002 Location: NY Age: 49 Posts: 1,190	Don't blame me for how bad these are, my mother sent them to me, I'm just spreading the pain: Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barmaid says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barmaid says "Sorry, we don't serve food in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." --------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to a seafood rave last week.... and pulled a mussel. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the cannon, you drive." --------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". __________________ [img]\"http://www.bethspage.us/sig.jpg\" alt=\" - \" />

02-25-2003, 11:28 AM	#2
arion windrider Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: May 26, 2001 Location: Vancouver,Wa. Age: 56 Posts: 800	roflmao, not bad harley [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ \"if it aint broke dont fix it\" <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[dogrun]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/dogrun.gif\" /> <br /><b>proud member of the penguin army</b> <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Smile]\" src=\"smile.gif\" />

02-25-2003, 11:37 AM	#3
Indemaijinj Symbol of Cyric Join Date: June 15, 2002 Location: Denmark Age: 44 Posts: 1,163	The one with the hydrogen atoms is cute. __________________ The Bleak Caballero<br /><br />Proud and original member (and secret admirer) of the Pro-Mazzy movement.

02-25-2003, 01:53 PM	#4
Mojo Elminster Join Date: July 17, 2002 Location: Aberdeenshire, Scotland, UK Age: 38 Posts: 451	A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. The barman says "Egads! Where did u get that?" The Pig says "I won it in a raffle" ****** Alternatively... The man says "It's my new pet, it lives with me now." Barman: "What about the smell?" Man: "He doesn't seem to mind." __________________ Say No to Cosmetics Control! And the Trouser Tyranny!<br /><br />Like Final Fantasy? -[url]\"http://forums.ragnarokextreme.net\" target=\"_blank\">Ragnarok Extreme Forums</a>!!

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02-25-2003, 02:05 PM	#5
MagiK Guest Posts: n/a	Oh man...those were baaad.....waaay back in the early 80's when I played D&D (Pen and Paper 1st and only edition)our DM's adopted standard Pun damage...it wouldn't kill your character but it was gruesome [img]smile.gif[/img] You would be out cold Harley

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