Don't blame me for how bad these are, my mother sent them to me, I'm just spreading the pain:

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
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A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The barmaid says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barmaid says "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road."
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this
morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no
bull!"
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Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
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I went to a seafood rave last week.... and pulled a
mussel.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they
lit
a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "I'll man the cannon, you drive."
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What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh.
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

roflmao, not bad harley [img]smile.gif[/img]

The one with the hydrogen atoms is cute.

A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. The barman says "Egads! Where did u get that?"
The Pig says "I won it in a raffle"

******

Alternatively...

The man says "It's my new pet, it lives with me now."
Barman: "What about the smell?"
Man: "He doesn't seem to mind."

<font color="#ffccff">Oh man...those were baaad.....waaay back in the early 80's when I played D&D (Pen and Paper 1st and only edition)our DM's adopted standard Pun damage...it wouldn't kill your character but it was gruesome [img]smile.gif[/img]

You would be out cold Harley ;) </font>