Who Needs A Man?

08-17-2001, 08:20 PM

My best friend from my school days just sent me this, I thought it too funny not to share.

Who Needs A Man?

If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.

If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.

If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.

If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog.

If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.

If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog.

If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.

If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog!

On the other hand...

If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...Get a CAT!

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Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

Bahamut · 08-17-2001, 08:25 PM

Well, if you want someone to cry on, with company more than you're average girl friends, with those lovely love letters, poems and sonnets. Slow romantic dances and passionate kisses and LOVE like no other when understood better, get a MAN. Well, if women are not up to it, their loss... although it is risky, when they find the good ones... lucky them!

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My love for her is beyond words... beyond time... you know this

Lady Avalon · 08-17-2001, 08:25 PM

I am laughing so hard, it is hard to type this Moni. Funny. Helps me get rid of my frustration. Thanks for the laughter.

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Ladyzekke · 08-17-2001, 09:30 PM

LOL! Well...Errr... I like dogs, but not THAT much

. Can't replace a man in MANY, err..., IMPORTANT Aspects LOL

Funny, for the past two nights I have dreamed of this little black dog, frikken weird... Should I share? HA, like I ever wait for an answer... Here goes:

First night, I'm just walking around, at a picnic I think, and someone's little black dog keeps running up to me and biting me on my arse!

I try MANY times to push it away from me, even at one point I put a paper bag over its head to try to confuse and blind it

. But alas, it would get itself out and continue to bite me buttocks!

Anyway, next night, similar dream: I seemed to be at some huge family reunion, lot of aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. around... So I walk into the gathering in the front yard, and damn little black dog is back!

But, unfortunately for me, I seem to now be wearing a short skirt with no undies!

So the buttocks biting is even worse this time round!

Then some guy I did not know kept talking to me calling me "Gabrielle", and everyone was eating all sorts of food laid out on tables, but I could not find any forks or plates or a damn thing! The few kibbles of chicken I took from a plate and held in my bare hands the DAMN DOG GRABBED!

Sorry, had to get that out

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08-17-2001, 10:03 PM

LOL
Well truth be told, as much as I like dogs, I'd rather have a man around any day.
Go ahead and let him scratch, belch, pass gas and sit around comfortably with his hand down the front of his pants...he isn't going to scratch me to get attention, wake me up at ridiculous hours of the morning barking at birds, he won't chew on my favorite shoes or eat my best clothes...
I could go on and on but I think I made my point LOL!
If you want to know what Zolar has to say about a black dog in your dreams, e-mail me because I don't want to post it here.

Moni

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Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

Cloudbringer · 08-17-2001, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ladyzekke:
LOL! Well...Errr... I like dogs, but not THAT much . Can't replace a man in MANY, err..., IMPORTANT Aspects LOL

Funny, for the past two nights I have dreamed of this little black dog, frikken weird... Should I share? HA, like I ever wait for an answer... Here goes:

First night, I'm just walking around, at a picnic I think, and someone's little black dog keeps running up to me and biting me on my arse! I try MANY times to push it away from me, even at one point I put a paper bag over its head to try to confuse and blind it . But alas, it would get itself out and continue to bite me buttocks!

Anyway, next night, similar dream: I seemed to be at some huge family reunion, lot of aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. around... So I walk into the gathering in the front yard, and damn little black dog is back! But, unfortunately for me, I seem to now be wearing a short skirt with no undies! So the buttocks biting is even worse this time round! Then some guy I did not know kept talking to me calling me "Gabrielle", and everyone was eating all sorts of food laid out on tables, but I could not find any forks or plates or a damn thing! The few kibbles of chicken I took from a plate and held in my bare hands the DAMN DOG GRABBED!

Sorry, had to get that out

Moni, funny stuff!

Wendy.. ROTFLMAO!!! The description of the dog and biting.. LOL and taking the food.. you have pretty vivid dreams,sis! HAHAHAHA

Cloudy

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

Ladyzekke · 08-17-2001, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Moni:
LOL
Well truth be told, as much as I like dogs, I'd rather have a man around any day.
Go ahead and let him scratch, belch, pass gas and sit around comfortably with his hand down the front of his pants...he isn't going to scratch me to get attention, wake me up at ridiculous hours of the morning barking at birds, he won't chew on my favorite shoes or eat my best clothes...
I could go on and on but I think I made my point LOL!
If you want to know what Zolar has to say about a black dog in your dreams, e-mail me because I don't want to post it here.

Moni

Moni,

HAHA! Zolar? Who is Zolar? Gawd, don't know if I want to know his particular interpretation of my dreams LOL, but yet I find myself curious.. So go ahead and let you or him e-mail me with said "interpretation" LOL. Hope I don't regret this LOL

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[This message has been edited by ladyzekke (edited 08-17-2001).]

Larry_OHF · 08-17-2001, 10:37 PM

OK...hold on...I got something to say about that. (And I am not a dog...)

Quote:

If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog.

I do everything for Karen, before myself.

Quote:

If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.

I don't like sports, and we don't care about the paper

Quote:

If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.

Karen laughs so hard at me, she gets hiccups, daily!

Quote:

If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog.

I cook most of the time, and since I lived in Mexico for two years, I can eat anything Karen wants to put in front of me.

Quote:

If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.

I love to go out with her! Anywhere is great.

Quote:

If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog.

I do not own a weapon, but I pay for ADT home security...

Quote:

If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.

We do not have cable, nor even an antena. The movies we buy are mutually enjoyed.

Quote:

If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.

I do not snore (says Karen), I do not slobber, (unless she wants me to)...nevermind...and I understand when she just wants to snuggle.

Quote:

If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog!

Karen admits to all of her friends and associates that she has a better man than any of them have, and they all agree. I have women at work begging to rent me from her for a few days, or at least pay me to teach their old dawgs some new tricks.

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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Loyal guardian of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club

[This message has been edited by Larry_OHF (edited 08-17-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Larry_OHF (edited 08-17-2001).]

08-17-2001, 10:44 PM

Larry,
The world needs more men like you.

Wendy...I will e-mail you...I don't think Zolar is available at this hour.

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Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

bilqis · 08-17-2001, 10:51 PM

Funny one Moni!!!

I'm getting two cats next week, kittens - a calico and a tabby -- because they won't need me to take care of them!!

Well, outside of some food, an occasional cuddle and cleaning a litter box.

------------------

Having abandoned my
search for truth, I am
now looking for a good
fantasy.

For R³ in thanks:
Sometimes I think I
understand everything,
then I regain consciousness.

08-17-2001, 08:20 PM	#1
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	My best friend from my school days just sent me this, I thought it too funny not to share. Who Needs A Man? If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog. If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog. If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog. If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog. If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog. If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog. If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog. If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog! On the other hand... If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...Get a CAT! ------------------ Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

08-17-2001, 08:25 PM	#2
Bahamut Iron Throne Cult Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Manila, Philippines Age: 40 Posts: 4,864	Well, if you want someone to cry on, with company more than you're average girl friends, with those lovely love letters, poems and sonnets. Slow romantic dances and passionate kisses and LOVE like no other when understood better, get a MAN. Well, if women are not up to it, their loss... although it is risky, when they find the good ones... lucky them! ------------------ My love for her is beyond words... beyond time... you know this

08-17-2001, 08:25 PM	#3
Lady Avalon Emerald Dragon Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Tennessee, U.S.A. Age: 75 Posts: 996	I am laughing so hard, it is hard to type this Moni. Funny. Helps me get rid of my frustration. Thanks for the laughter. ------------------

08-17-2001, 09:30 PM	#4
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 58 Posts: 9,005	LOL! Well...Errr... I like dogs, but not THAT much . Can't replace a man in MANY, err..., IMPORTANT Aspects LOL Funny, for the past two nights I have dreamed of this little black dog, frikken weird... Should I share? HA, like I ever wait for an answer... Here goes: First night, I'm just walking around, at a picnic I think, and someone's little black dog keeps running up to me and biting me on my arse! I try MANY times to push it away from me, even at one point I put a paper bag over its head to try to confuse and blind it . But alas, it would get itself out and continue to bite me buttocks! Anyway, next night, similar dream: I seemed to be at some huge family reunion, lot of aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. around... So I walk into the gathering in the front yard, and damn little black dog is back! But, unfortunately for me, I seem to now be wearing a short skirt with no undies! So the buttocks biting is even worse this time round! Then some guy I did not know kept talking to me calling me "Gabrielle", and everyone was eating all sorts of food laid out on tables, but I could not find any forks or plates or a damn thing! The few kibbles of chicken I took from a plate and held in my bare hands the DAMN DOG GRABBED! Sorry, had to get that out ------------------

08-17-2001, 10:03 PM	#5
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	LOL Well truth be told, as much as I like dogs, I'd rather have a man around any day. Go ahead and let him scratch, belch, pass gas and sit around comfortably with his hand down the front of his pants...he isn't going to scratch me to get attention, wake me up at ridiculous hours of the morning barking at birds, he won't chew on my favorite shoes or eat my best clothes... I could go on and on but I think I made my point LOL! If you want to know what Zolar has to say about a black dog in your dreams, e-mail me because I don't want to post it here. Moni ------------------ Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

08-17-2001, 10:44 PM	#9
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Larry, The world needs more men like you. Wendy...I will e-mail you...I don't think Zolar is available at this hour. ------------------ Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

08-17-2001, 10:51 PM	#10
bilqis Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 68 Posts: 1,328	Funny one Moni!!! I'm getting two cats next week, kittens - a calico and a tabby -- because they won't need me to take care of them!! Well, outside of some food, an occasional cuddle and cleaning a litter box. ------------------ Having abandoned my search for truth, I am now looking for a good fantasy. For R³ in thanks: Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

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