My Dark Side Drizzt Encounter: A lesson in irony

[Telchar of Nogrod]

I've loved some of the latest posts and the creativity thereof, so I will make a contribution as well. Some minor spoilers ahead.

I was doing some hazardous investigating on the behalf of one Bjornman (sp?), when I run into a Drow named Drizzt. He claimed to need some assistance against some Gnolls that he was chopping in half at the time, with both hands mind you.I recognized his request as dubious at best. Also, an inner voice with many lives experience reminded me of who he was and how I had delt with him in the past. For the most part, experimentation asside, we would always part friends due to my view of myself and the world around me, and my fear of retribution ina latter saga. This time, I, and my friends were of a different ilk, not quite as pure as the driven snow. This time, I felt the inside of his pockets needed closer examination. In my past lives, all he had was a sweet +3 Frostbrand (that really wasn't a Frostband). I read in Candlekeep somewhere that he possesed greater loot than this. This time, I felt things would be different. After my supposed required assistance, it was time for my nimble fingered compatriart to do his buissiness. Surprisingly, the first attempt was a thing of beauty, the +3 Frostbrand! Being I have The Dark Side installed, I figure, lets experiment. Many failures.....but no hostility. Very interesting, but unrealistic. I continue with "the experiment" and discover not only another sword, but a stack of 20 healing potions and a stack of 20 speed potions! What a hawl! So I say farewell to Drizzt with a wry smile and the handshake of a ten day old fish. The only kind of shake I could muster with a shallow, shady performance like that. But as I look at the second sword's description, I hear laughter like thunder in the sky from the boys at TeamBG, just like out of some old Twilight Zone episode, the +5 Defender is only usable by good for nothing, goody-two-shoes characters. And I KNOW, I know that crime does not pay.

[Lord Brass]

You poor, poor boy. How sad it is that such "mundane" items have been corrupted by the incessant meddling of reformed drow. Just how do people think an honest thief should make their way, and their living in the world? 'Can't you go adventuring?' they say. 'Don't you know how bl**dy dangerous that is!' I reply.

I sympathise Telchar, I really do. We are the maligned and forgotten part of the Forgotten Realms. When we're not there, they complain like blue murder. When we are there they complain like blue murder. You just can't win.

Oh, and one more thing people. A thief isn't just for opening locks and disarming trapped chests, a thief is for life.

[I wish my name was Baggins]

As the primary, and I might add ONLY, thief in my own party I have to agree with Lord Brass. I feel totally un appriciated. All day long I hear, "Hey Baggins, Why did you tick off that store owner?" or "Hey Baggins, Why do you always leave us outside while you run through every house in Beregost?" or "Hey Baggins, You know that if you keep this up people aren't going to like us as much." They just don't understand, I AM A THIEF...IT IS WHAT I DO!!! You don't hear me telling Jaheria to quit being such a tree hugger or Minsc to stop swinging his sword, NO, I let them be them and allow them to be the best at what they do. But when we are in a pinch it's always, "Hey Baggins, Why don't you sneak over there real quiet and sneaky like and stick your sword in that guys back?" or "Hey Baggins, Come disarm this trap over here." Never a please or a thank you. I'll tell you this, I have half a mind to just dump this group of unappriciative losers and follow the example set before me by Shady and take off on my own. Thieves are independent, strong willed individuals and shouldn't have to bow to the will of the group. Actually that's it...I'm gone, forget these people and let them deal with their own traps.

[Keraptisdm]

We would gladly say "Thank you" to the thief, if he/she could actually FIND and DISARM the traps. But usually we're too busy trying to restrain the militia from beheading him/her for a FAILED attempt at slicing some HONEST person's purse. How many times have I heard the bungling thief say, "The passage is clear", I stroll down the corridor only to have a fireball explode around me. Meanwhile the bloody thief is hiding around the corner, and can only say "oops". Let's also mention the numerous times that I have slain a hoard of monsters, find a locked chest of booty, only to have the thief say, "I can't open the lock. oops." So then the Mage steps in or I have to bash it open.
Go ahead and quit, you whiny, good for nothing, slacker. The Cleric can detect traps. The Mage and I can open chests. What do we need some worthless, experience point sucking, gold grubbing thief for anyways?

Signed,
Rachael Starr
Paladin in the Order of the Radiant Heart

[I wish my name was Baggins]

Obviously the thief in YOUR party is one whose talents are...how shall we say it(???)Substandard. If you had a thief like ME in your party then you would have no problems at all with traps or chests and you would find that your coffers were overflowing with gold. Sadly that it is true that true professional thieves like Shady and myself have to constantly try to distance ourselves from those who are but leaning the craft, but who among you did not start as an insecure adventurer put to task but the flaming arrows of a pack of woefully misunderstood Kobolds. Keraptisdm, I am sorry that your thief doesn't cut the mustard but believe me when you have someone with not onlt the skill but the soul for the work you will see the picks dance to a symphony and your enemies laid to waste before you by their unseen foe.

[Lord Brass]

Mr Underhill speaks for all of the dedicated "professionals" out there. The thief is much maligned, and why? Because power mad, greedy, bloodthirsty, sociopathic fighters and clerics and mages always want to be in charge. The poor thief in the group is never allowed enough time to express themselves and develop into mature, and capable artists. For artists we surely are.

"Don't steal," you say. Alright, fine then, but that sentiment doesn't affect your sensibilities towards asking the lonely and misunderstood thief to go up to a complete stranger and unleash a lethal blow from behind. Where's your moral majority there then? For so: in your backpack with all the loot we've earned you but get no credit for.

The problem with being a thief in Faerûn is this: if we're doing our jobs properly the rest of you will never see the results. After all, a disarmed trap isn't very spectacular, but a fireball in the face is. You wretched ingrates only remember when it goes wrong, never when it goes right.

[I wish my name was Baggins]

In the Marines we had a phrase that went, "It only takes one 'Aw Shit!' to ruin a thousand atta' boys."