I can't believe some people!!!

[The Trickster]

Some of you may recall a thread that I started under the name Aviendha, in which I talked about a work colleague who stabbed me in the back (not literally) and nearly caused me to lose my job. That was an extremely difficult and uncomfortable time, but unfortunately I am having some more trouble now! I need to give some background first so bare with me.

I consider myself to be a hard working and friendly person, who not only responds to employees calls for help in an efficient way, but I also try to keep a happy smiling persona. I think people respond to this in a friendly way and I do end up having a fair few short chats throughout the day which keep me sane. I work with 150 women and about 20 men, so obviously the majority of my friends at work are female. There a four of them that I consider to be really good friends that I occasionally see outside of work. I’m married, so there is no intention for more than friendship, and my wife has met them and sees them with me at times.

Last week, I was called into Human Resources for a chat. As it turns out, I’ve been informed that there are some people in the building that are concerned about my relationships with some of my friends and one in particular with a girl called Rachel. It seems that people find it inappropriate that I have lunches with them, send emails to them, and generally have a friendship with them. In Rachel’s case, HR have been made aware that she cooked me some food and brought it to work for me to have for lunch, and that I did her banking for her one day. They find this inappropriate, and they don’t want this sort of thing occurring within the building. Can someone please explain to me when having friends at work became inappropriate!!!

I basically laughed at the HR woman, and told her that it was the most ridiculous thing that I’d ever heard, which probably wasn’t a very good career move, but I couldn’t keep a straight face. I think that my relationships with people are my own business, and what I do outside the building during my lunchtime and on weekends is…well, they have absolutely no right to tell me what is appropriate or not. To make things even worse, they then brought Rachel into the office, and told her that they thought we were crossing the boundaries of business friendship. Rachel is married with a kid! I happen to think that she’s wonderful, and one of the best friends I have, but she’s been told that she should not speak to me! She broke into tears right there in the room in disbelief of what she was hearing, and ever since, things have been really uncomfortable between us. If I see her in the corridor, we can’t even say good morning, how was your weekend, without making sure that someone doesn’t see us. If we want to have lunch together, we have to meet up away from the building so as not to cause trouble.

So now, I’m losing one really great friend, I can hardly talk to the others because the same thing might happen, and all because I’m male. If this is not sexual discrimination, then I don’t know what is!!! My wife thinks I should go straight to the top with this and make an official complaint, but I don’t know if it’s worth the risk. If it goes badly, I could find myself getting a warning or worse. And if anything happened to Rachel’s job, I’d never forgive myself.

Sometimes I hate some people! I shouldn’t, but they are just so narrow-minded and thoughtless, that it makes me want to scream! Sorry to dump my problems here, but I feel better just getting the anguish out.

[Calaethis Dragonsbane]

Poor you Ben. What bastards, who the hell are they to say what you can and cant do in your own free time?! :

[Djinn Raffo]

Quit.

If something sucks... ditch said something.

You will get another job, everything will work out fine, and in the end you will be much better off and happier.

[ 11-18-2002, 06:56 PM: Message edited by: Djinn Raffo ]

[pritchke]

Man that really sucks! I think your wife is correct your going to have to ge above the HR's head.

Personally I do not have a great deal of respect for people in HR especially when they get on with nonsense like this. Even their hiring is usually a little bit to be desired, if you have a great personailty, can lie through your teeth, and have a great simile then they hire you. When in reality the person, they hire can be a lazy, no good, back stabbing.... Just blowing off a little steam about how stupid people in HR can be. It is something like out of a dilbert cartoon. I now have to go watch the movie office space to cheer up.

[Night Stalker]

The only possible conflict of intrest would be if you write her evals. Other than that, people really need to mind their own buisness. You found yourself in a real mess there friend.

[WillowIX]

Aww Ben that´s terrible!! This and your DVDs. Can´t you complain somewhere? I mean this sounds more like personal persecution...

[The Hierophant]

Your bosses are WAAAY out of line there man. You've done nothing wrong so don't go tearing yourself up about it. Most important of all, you can't let ignorant fools such as these tell you who you can and can't be friends with, no matter whose paychecks they might be issuing. Keep being friends with Rachel, especially if it's something you both want. Maybe tone it down in the workplace (ie: no cooked food brought in etc), but don't let jealous simpleton on a power trip take the good things in life away from you.

ps: Have you seen the movie rendition of George Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty-Four'? If not then you should give it a watch. It's a chilling prediction of what happens when you let totalitarianism like this get out of hand.

[SomeGuy]

That is'nt something losing a friendship over.You can have a girlfriend and still have other girls as good friends.What you do is your own bussiness.Don't listen to them.Heck if we get alot of posts here in this topic show it to them at work.You have good friends here that are women.If they think it inappropriate
tell em that they can...nevermind.If you want Rachel as a friend then be her friend.What have you two done that makes them think it's inappropriate?Ask them that.Ask them questions that they won't have a good answer for.Remember where in here for ya ja. [img]graemlins/yaya.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] (Remembers when he thought Avi,Trickster was a woman.)

[Larry_OHF]

In the U.S., your HR has made an illegal call. Is it so different in Aussie-land? It is illegal for a company to tell a person who they are allowed to socialize with. They cannot do it.

You would never believe me in a hundred years, but I totally relate to you! I work at a Mortgage Insurance Co. I am the mail room guy. Almost everyone are women. They love me! I am married with a kid, and they all know this. They also know that I have a big appetite! Women buy my breakfast, invite me to lunch, tell me their husbands should be more like me, and for me to teach them to be real men. Some girls always have candy hidden in their desks just for me. Some e-mail me and call me to tell me jokes or stories that they think I will enjoy. One lady is always eager to hear me talk about this forum, in particluar, the role-play forum where I tell her about games that we are running. Today, I gave a Victora's Secret (lingerie mag) to a lady that I know would like to have it, and there was no shame at all. She was happy I brought it to her.

What nobody will ever tell me is that I cannot associate with other people. As long as I am not accused of sexual harrassment, I can do anything I want to, as long as my job gets done and I am not distracting from others. I say you tell Rachael that you want to file a complaint with the top, and want to get her permission and consent to do so. If it was me, I would do it in written form, and have my wife send a separate letter stating that she was aware of my activities at work, and that she saw no ill-intent in my having female friends. I would also request a person to person interview, stating that your work has been greatly hindered by this proposterous make-believe rule that has no foundation nor exists in the company handbook, and that you demand an apology be given to both parties involved. If that was not answered the way that you think right, I would tell them that you no longer desire to work under such evil employers.

If possible, I will try to find legal proof to back my claim about the illegality of what HR did to you.

[LordKathen]

Being a manager before I can tell you that a lot of corporations do have some pretty strict fraternisation rules, but I think this is not that. They are obviusly being way to precoutious, and are going to end up in a lawsuit someday, If not by you , then someone eslse for sure. You should read there handbook on this, and take it either to the top or even to a lawyer. I most certainly would. Ethics only go so far before its discrimination!