LMAO, nmore jokes left over from holiday....

[Vaskez]

Everyone could do with a bit of cheering up so, hehe, more of that wonderful Hungarian humour for you guys, translation courtesy of yours truly

A cop doesn't understand the concept of relativity and this is really starting to piss him off as he is finding life increasingly difficult without knowing what relativity is. He goes to see a teacher and asks:
- Damn I really don't understand this thing called relativity. Can you explain it to me?
- Sure thing, the best way to explain is with a practical example. Right, pay attention....ok.....you just come here and stick your nose in my ass........right...good.....now let us survey the situation. You see now *I* have a nose up my ass, and *you* have a nose up my ass, however my situation is *relatively* much better.



One easter, a gypsy decides to go to the easter service at his local church, seeing as he's never been before. So he puts on his best gear and off he goes. During the sermon, the priest is saying:
- "....and Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemeny and there they captured him and flogged him....."
The gypsy all in all, liked the service and decided that he would come next year as well. Next easter, there he is once again in the front row and when the priest gets to the point:
- "....and Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemeny and there they captured him and flogged him.....", the gypsy jumps up and yells:
"Ha! Serves him right! That's where they found him last year as well!"


Now in Hungary it is a commonly known, and I'm not stereotyping or prejudicing here, just stating facts, that the gypsies there do not like to work, do not like to wash and they generally have many children. You must know this to appreciate the following jokes:


A gypsy is standing, looking through the keyhole to his own bathroom, where his wife is taking a bath, when the police come round to his house and are let in by one of the gypsy's kids. The cop sees the gypsy and shouts:
- Hey! Aren't you ashamed of yourself, spying on your own wife? I mean come on, you have 8 children, you've seen her naked loads of times!
- Yes, but I've never seen her taking a bath before!


The gypsy woman tells her little son to go and take a wash so off he goes and begins scrubbing with the soap. A little while later:
- Mum, mum! I've washed off the year-old dirt!
- Well that's good son, keep scrubbing.
.....
- Mum, mum! I've washed off the 3 year-old dirt!
- Well that's good son, keep scrubbing.
.....
- Mum, mum! I've washed off the 5 year-old dirt!
- Well that's good son, keep scrubbing.
......
- Mum, mum! I found my red jumper!!!

A shipwrecked gypsy is floating hopelessly lost on a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly to his greatest relief he sees a ship coming towards him. The ship draws nearer and nearer and he sees that one of the sailors is leaning on the rail looking at him.
- Hey! Hey! Pull me up man!
The sailor doesn't say anything and just looks puzzled.
- Hey, come on man! Pull me up!
The sailor still stares at him looking puzzled.
The gypsy suddenly has an idea and addresses the sailor in german:
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
- Ja, naturlich!
- Well then pull me up dammit!


A gypsy is walking along with a roll of fabric in his hand when he bumps into his mate:
- What's that in your hand?
- Some fabric.
- What you need it for?
- I'll get the wife to make some bedsheets out of it.
- You wanna make bedsheets out of this crap? This material is so weak that it'll be in tatters after one wash!
The gypsy looks puzzled:
- Why would we want to wash it?


Hehe, I'll save some more for later




[This message has been edited by Vaskez (edited 09-18-2001).]

[Lioness]

LMAO!!! Thanx!

------------------

Sword Saint of the HADB Clan
Waitress and resident storyteller at Cloudy's Cafe
Lil' Angel
Bestest Mate of the Cyan Knight
Lady of the Fallen Paladin

[Vaskez]

BUMP before I go

[Lord of Alcohol]

Pretty funny Vaskez!

[Vaskez]

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist? The pessimist thinks all women are whores... the optimist counts on it.



[This message has been edited by Vaskez (edited 09-19-2001).]

[Vaskez]

Hmmm I think this place needs some more cheering up. Here are some more "stupid cop" jokes:

In one city, the police are having a major problem with people having sex in the local parks....indecent exposure and all that. The problem is so hard to control, that they decide to introduce an on-the-spot fine for anyone who is found copulating in a public place. One night a cop is taking a walk in the park when he hears moaning from one of the bushes. He stops and shouts into the bush:
- Freeze, police! You're breaking the law there! That'll be a £50 fine!
A hand pops out of the bush, holding a £50 note. The cop takes it and walks on. Not much further on, he hears more moaning coming from another bush. He shouts into the bush:
- Police! Indecent exposure is prohibited! That'll be a £50 fine!
Again, a hand pops out holding a £50 note. The cop takes it and walks on. He again hears moaning in another bush further on. He shouts:
- Halt, police! This kind of behaviour won't be tolerated in public! That'll be a £50 fine!
He hears a voice from the bush:
- Can you pass my wallet dear?
- Aha! There are two of you! That'll be £100 then!

[Vaskez]

An old man goes up to a cop and asks:
- Excuse me sir, but can you tell me what city this is?
- How can you ask something so stupid?
- Well you were the only one here.


A cop in the subway station is heartily piling coins into a drinks machine. The cans of coke and sprite etc. are rolling out by the dozen. There is already a long queue behind the cop and after a while, one man loses his patience:
- Come on man, what are you doing? Hurry up!
- Get lost buddy! While I'm winning, no one else plays on this baby!

[Vaskez]

Cop in a musical instrument shop:
- Ok I'll take this recorder and this accordian.
- You can take the broom handle, but we're not dismantling the radiator.


Cop in an electrical goods store:
- I'd like this washing machine.
- Are you a policeman?
- What makes you think that?
- This is a vacuum cleaner.