TDAWNVNEOASRNAVPPDHADTILM (OK- now officially open to all)

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

Yes... that's right:

TDAWNVNEOASRNAVPPDHADTTILM- The dark abyss where not very nice events occur and some really not altogether very pleasant people do horrible and dreadful things to innocents little munchkins.
Post your characters, stats etc and your introduction all in one thread please, this RP is open to everyone who wants to take part, just remember.. although this is a proper RP, don't take it too seriously at all!! You have been warned, and don't complain if you get a llama-grenade thrown at you or something equally odd.
Another point, for characters and stuff like that, the possibilities are endless, you could be an intergalactic space ferret who likes herrings and tried to fly after seeing a wood pigeon flew out of his reach.

A basic history: My char is an evil warlord, Sephiroth's and Nebs
are my generals, as you can pick up from the replies, and I have the required private army of doom, your characters can be pretty much anyone, you can try to apply to the dark horde, or fight them and try to stop the universe being overtaken.
Have fun .....

BTW.. important point.. there is a sync to this RP, it thus far goes : Neb, Seph, Binky, Encard (when he joins) any more people will be added to the list in joining order... I will post whenever since I can't really reply to myself [img]tongue.gif[/img]


Malakon the rather suitably-titled, most evil warlord, crusher of skulls, drinker of blood, smasher of faces, maimer of all, despoiler of happy people, beard-puller, mutilater of garden gnomes, and altogether not a very pleasnt kinda fella you'd introduce to your relatives, let alone meet in a dark alley was bored.
He wriggled in his tremendously uncomfortable evil throne (evil thrones, you see, are notorious for being uncomfortable, possibly why evil overlords are always so irate) and sipped thoughtfully at his red wine while toying with the handle of his garden tool of immense deathliness.
"When will an evil overlord get some comfort in the name of all things wrong!!! And where's the bloody newspaper?!"
He stopped shouting as a skeletal guard ambled in and presented him with the latest issue of Evil magazine, for which he was even more expectant this month, as it had his interview in there.
He rolled his eyes as the undead guard stepped back and bowed, breaking one of it's ribs, it was funny the first few hundred times, but after having to have the bone repair man round every other day it seriously began to grate on his nerves.
After the skeleton picked up it's rib and shuffled off he straight away flicked expectantly to the page of his interview.
"Malakon the warlord of too many names to name and evilest of evil, this week deigned to have an interview with Evil magazine, the only turly evil magazine out there."
He sneered as he saw numerous references to the likes of Atilla the Hun and Ivan the terrible.
"Bah! I swear, kill but a few thousand innocents these days, and they call you a warlord, those two inbreds wouldn't know the meaning of the word warlord if it came up behind them and razed their home town."
He carried on, smirking occasinoally, and at the end he had a malevolent grin on his face.
"Finally some recognition, I knew I was the only won worthy of Evil's Evilest man of the year, that Arachon guy is such a fool, and how unoriginal can you get, I mean, his base is called the temple of despair!! How lame is that?!"

After a few hours, Malakon had a few needs tended to by a few more skeletal guards, but not before breaking the mandatory rib, gave a cursory brush of his teeth and then proceeded to try and slavage what little sleep he could grasp while tossing and turning in his chamber of ravaging, pain and deadly death-inducing deadness.
....

The next morning he awoke, cursed the name of his enemies, and a few others as was his custom for the morning, then went off to his communicator, disguised handily (or not so handily when he was too sleepy to remember it was merely a facade) as a toilet.
He gave it the necessary flush, and then peered in to check on his two second in commands: Nebfka the guy who couldn't think of an awe-inspiring title and Sephiroth, the one who who whinged and stomped his foot because he wasn't allowed a cool title, or usually referred to as "the baby" or "shut up!"
The fuzzy screen below the water focused and the face of his general Nebfka, who joined first and so recieved the obligatory insanity.
He looked around, but seeing no-one to view him shouting down his toilet, called down to the now extremely clear image in the bowl "What is your status?"...

[ 06-03-2002, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: Talthyr Malkaviel ]

[Neb]

Nebfka looked up into the air to find out where the voice shouting at him was coming from. "Eh? Who's there?" He pulled the purple feather that he'd put in his hair for no reason at all out and scratched his chin with it while pondering the answer, then replaced it. "Isss someone sneaking up on me?" He asked and turned around so quickly that he knocked over a mutant servant that had been bringing him his morning paper.

He drew his weapon from it's oddly shaped sheath and frowned at the katana. He sheathed it again and then drew it once more, this time he smiled at the squirrel that he was holding by it's tail. He swung it a few times in the air and then scratched his head. When he heard Malakon's voice from above again he looked upwards and stared hard at the ceiling.

"Ah, that'd explain why I couldn't see you. You're supposed to flush the bloody thing before you call me! Ick. My status is: Most extraordinarily purple. Yep, that's it. Purple. Oh, and I've also finished building that thingy.... Y'know, the one that you had me construct for you? It's on it's way."

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

Malakon stared at Nebfka, and wondered where that squirrel had come from "Umm, Nebfka, I had flushed it before I.." Nebfka strained to look upward, rather puzzled, or possibly enthralled by something on the ceiling "..never mind." He was sure of his general's reliability, most of the time, but the way he carried things out was... peculiar to say the least.
He sighed then looked back into his communicator and wondered why there was a lobster crawling on Nebfka's head.
"umm, right, well, y'know, I'm an evil warlord, got a lot of things to do.. I better be leaving now. Farewell"
He flushed the toilet again and then pressed the next button, and waited as the image of Sephy began to form in the bowl.

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

Sephiroth was standing on the central of a raised dais, floating in the air with his arms at 45-degree angles and his feet pointing toward the ground. His long silver hair rustled on his black cape, and his purely ornamental sword shone in the green light of the chamber. Of course he had almost no use for that, seeing as how he preferred to use the Vorpal AOL CD, but he rarely hit anything with his terrible AIM. The voice startled him, but he quickly recovered. But he was always curious of where that damn voice came from.

"What is it?" he asked as he spun around in the air, breaking his concentration and making him fall in a heap of black and silver on the brown altar. "Who broke my concentration? This had better not be about that construct I intercepted from Nebfka. If it is, tell him that the Milano cookies were delicious! And the other machine, whatever it is, makes a good trophy. Now go away." Sephiroth tossed his hair back and threw the CD at a target across the room, hitting the door panel and locking him in. "Damn."

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

"Quiet yourself Sephiroth!" He barked, although only half angry due to seeing Sephiroth make an ass out of himself.
"You should know by know that it matters not where my voice comes from, but that it is always me! And stop talking about cookies! I'm hungry."
He grabbed a nearby biscuit, gave it a once over, then ate it, whil still trying to sound imperious over his communicator.
"Dow fell me fwhere fe focumons aw"
"Pardon?" Seph replied
He swallowed the cookie and then, as to not lose dignity, said "Fool! You should listen more carefully!" He cleared his throat and repeated himself, although somewhat more clearly this time. "Where are the documents?"
After a brief glance over the documents held out by Sephiroth he nodded to himself and then congratulated him for his work "Now, the weapon of destruction shall soon be completed, make sure you have your armies ready in case of any resistance, no matter how small."
With that he flushed once more, and converted it back to it's toilet function, then wandered back to his throne.
He sat himself down on his throne again, gave a weary sigh, tried in vain to get a semblance of comfort from his chair, and after giving up, issued anopther sigh as a skeleton bringing in his requested pillow bowed, breaking a rib and it's leg, then toppled over heavily with a sharp crash and pulled itself out of his chamber with it's arms.
"I've really got to change that..."

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

Sephiroth snickers as the fake documents worked. "Whew, glad he didn't notice that." He looks them over and puts them back with the rest of the Toys-R-Us catalogue. "Now, how will I get out of here?" He shrugs and takes out the sword. After looking at it for a moment he jams it into the wall and begins cutting away at it. "I knew this would be good for something!"

After two or three hours of cutting he gets through to the other side and goes through a revolving door, taking him right back to the chamber he was in. "MOTHER F%*&!" he shouts. After a long stream of obscenities and slashing into the wall with his sword he decides to go back into his compound and give it a good inspection.

Black dragons and tonberries greeted him as he strode through the narrowly cut tunnels, but he merely shoved them out of his way. "Why do I invest millions of dollars that my parates hijacked from Spanish ships on the seas in defense when all you do is stand around all day?! Yarr!" Again he sighed and sat against the wall, pulling out his AOL CD. He threw it at one of the black dragons' stomachs, but hit the rider on the head of the dragon forty-five feet to the left. Then he shrugged as it came back to his hand of its own accord and sat down on a couch to play solitaire, knowing that those REAL documents can wait.

[Beaumanoir]

*Meanwile Far Away*

"No! Not My Buttons! Not My Gumdrop Buttons!" The Little Man Cried, But That Is Totally Irrelevent To The Story, So We'll Get To Something That Isn't*

*Morris Ran Down The Hill Gleefully Grinning, When Suddenly, The Milkatron Came Rumbling Up From The Ground. The Milkatron Was A Giant Demon About 10ft Tall Which Shot Blocks Of Butter From Its Udder-Cannon*

"AAAAAARGH!" Morris Cried. He Ran And Ran Till His Veins Pumped Coca-Cola And He Could Run No More. He Turned Around. It Was Gone. He Sat Their Thinking And Then He Passed Out. When He Woke Up. There Were 3 Strange Men Crowded Around Him...

[Neb]

Nebfka sheathed and unsheathed his weapon several times till it became a guitar. He then played a couple of cheery tunes and resheathed his weapon. He looked down on the floor and noticed the fallen mutant from earlier, he kicked it out of the door and then washed it's ichor off of his green robe.

The madman stared blankly ahead for a few seconds. Then snapped back into reality, "Oh yes, the weapon. The plans, the thingses. Fwahahahah!" He strode out of the door and past the mutant who was dead as a result of his vicious kick, down stairs, up stairs, in circles, in straight lines. Walking randomly until he reached the top of his tower upon the surface of the green-blue planet of Alpha Centauri Prime.

Nebfka looked at the huge and complicated device there, then frowned at something on it's side and walked over to the head engineer working on the highly secretive "Big Gun" project. He grabbed the blue-skinned mutant by it's hair and lifted it off the ground, then pointed to the weapon. "What's that? Why are there fuzzy dice on my weapon? You have defiled my glorious laser!"

The creature stammered, "B-but, your madness, you commanded it!"
"No, I did not. I specifically said: Fuzzy mice. Not fuzzy dice."
The engineer writhed in his grasp and begged, "I'm sorry! I misheard you! But that's sorta easy when you ripped off my other ear as a reward for making such a good design for the weapon!"
Nebfka smiled pleasantly, "No problem. You're forgiven." Then cheerfully chucked the engineer over the edge of the roof and admired the weapon. At random he pointed at one of the workers, "You're the new head engineer! Get to work!"

Yes indeed, this would be a niiiiice weapon.....

[ 06-02-2002, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: Neb ]

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

~To Sephy
After slashing his way through a few hundred more walls Sephiroth came to the end of his fortress 'oh dear' he thought to himself.
After decidng to try and use his AOL CD's to get his way back, no matter how bad his AIM he was soon closer to his throne room, only to be confronted by the sight through a hole in his floor-boards of a horde of suicidal creatures falling through space.
"Oookkkkkaaaaaayyyy."

~To Binky
"Hey fella, are you ok?" The tallest one asked.
"What happened back there, man?? All we saw was you collapsed in a heap of butter!" The fattest one said.
Then the shortest one, and his invisible friend who was actually the thinnest one (but who can tell?) both said "Hey.. maybe he was buttering some bagels.. bagels are good especally ones with raisins, I like raisins, what about you guys? I like em cos they're full of dry raisiny goodness and they taste funnily like sultanas, but they're not the same cos sultanas are different... What was I saying about bagels again?"
Then the one with the good memory (hey, this one can be whichever you want it to be) chipped in "You were saying bagels are good"
"Oh yeah.. but what about fruit flies??"
"You said nothing about fruit flies said the other one witha good memory
"Yeah, but I'm about to..."

~To Neb
After the wail of the falling ex-chief stopped the new one stepped tentatively forward, which proved an unlucky move since he was short sighted and fell of the edge also, after him there were a long line all waiting to be next chief, unfortuantely all but one had hort sight, a side-effect of the radioactive materialsd they wroked with, so as he stepped forward, he luckily noticed the fall, and stopped.
Unfortunately he was then kicked off by the next one, and they kept falling of over and over until it was their lunch break.
Then a few walked off the edge in the other direction, but a few managed to make it to lunch.
And of course they had bagels, with raisins, ot sultana or fruit flies.
But that's not even touvhing on the subject of the llama's in custard.
After their brief respite, Nebfka came back in after a few ramblings to check on their progress, which mainly consisted of presenting honours to those who fell for graduating with falling colours in advanced falling class.
But that of course is what you get when you hire evil lemmings.. you get what you pay for, especially if you pay in bagels.

[ 06-02-2002, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Talthyr Malkaviel ]

[Beaumanoir]

"Oh Umm..."

*Morris Jumped Up*

"Where Am I!? Who Are You?! What Have You Done To Me!?"

*Morris Looked Down At Himself And Realised They Hadn't Done Anything To Him*

"Oh Well That's Just Great! I Get Abducted By 3 Evil Looking Guys And They Won't Even Follow Protocol And Do Something Terrible To Me! Where's The Frogs Legs!? Wheres The Feathers!? Jeez!"

*Morris Started To Pace*

"Hmph. Whoever You Are, Just Take Me To Your Boss. I Wan't To Complain About The Poor Service I Got From His Henchman.. No, You Don't Deserve The Title Henchmen... LACKEYS! Y'Hear That!? LACKEYS!! Mwhahahaha!"

*Morris Gave A Cough*

*Cough*

*Morris Sniffed*

*Sniff*

"Well Come On Then! Take Me To See Him! Or At Least Throw Me In The Dungeon And Torture Me While I'm Waiting! You Young Uns Now Days! You Really Just Don't Know The Meaning Of Work!"

*Tch*

*The Three Looked Puzzled And Carried Him Off To See Their Leader*