Funny Bone 02/17/03

[Arvon]

From a computer joke site ( a site on computer jokes)

Dr. Seuss explains why computers crash
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is Interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless and your systems gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on the mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, till your icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet the suckers gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, And the macrocode instructions cause unnecessary risk, Then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

[VulcanRider]

Shoot the Lawyer...

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: Lawyer's creed:
A: A man is innocent until proven broke.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Q: It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
A: I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Q: A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
A: "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

Q: Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the lawyer... Twice.